BrokenWife

So as we speak, my husband is lying on top of the bed fully clothed and passed out. While I was at work, he went to hang with a few friends for "an hour." His famous line which always turns into a much longer ordeal where his cell phone is conveniently left on silent. So not only did he stay out well over his hour but came home stumbling and falling all over the place. So to keep me sane I decided to see if there were others out there like me. Ones who can't sleep even though they are exhausted. Ones who resort to the couch because the mere sight of their husband makes them sick. Ones who know they never imagined themselves with such monsters.
Everytime I get in this situation I ask myself how long I can do this....well 5 years later I am still doing it. It is a constant up and down battle of watching a great man destroy everything he has worked for. I guess it is just a pity party for myself, wondering why me?

ARealLady

Welcome, Broken Wife. Keep reading here and you will find that you are not alone. Lots of wonderful, wise advice from posters here who have been exactly where you are.

You are allowed pity parties. It takes time to find strength and know what to do for you.

Can I recommend reading Melody Beattie's book, "Co-dependent No More"? It will help you understand that you do not have to enable your A's behaviour if you are prepared to enforce boundaries to help you through each day.

ARL

NoChoice

Welcome, when I found SR, wow! I was home. I read and related for hours....I hope you find the same relief to know that you are not alone. Take care of you! Glad you are here.

dollydo

Welcome,

You are among friends here. Have you read Codependent No More? Great book.

What about going to meetings, they are everywhere, and were a big help for me.

Keep posting, keep reading others posts.

Lady BlueMiles

Hi Broken Wife,

Pleased to meet you. Your not alone! I just recently found SR a few weeks ago and so glad I did. There's lot's to read and lotsa sharing in the posts. It's been a big help to me.

CatsPajamas

Welcome to SR!

You'll find many people here who really understand your life. Take some time, read the stickies and let us know a little more about yourself. You're not alone.

Hugs

Cats

Rella927

Welcome to SR Broken wife! Glad that you found us! And I can tell you that you are not alone by any means-

It was mentioned above about "Co-Dependent No More" awesome read! It will help you alot. If you can maybe find an Al-Anon meeting in your area that also maybe something to give a try too!

I know with my XABF I just cringed at the thought of having to get into bed with him at night and I would pretend to fall asleep on the couch! Read some stickies too as suggested!

Sorry that you are going through this! You have come to the right place!!

Loreena

Hi Brokenwife, and welcome to this great forum. So manyhere can relate to what you are going through, that is how it works, we find comfort in the fact that we are not alone anymore, that is how i felt when i came here, I didn't think anyone in the entire world could/would/should go through what I had been through and am going through but I found out here that there are those much worse off than me. I didn't feel so insane any longer and I finally got to the point where I am making solid plans, saving money and am getting to heck out of here for my own sake. I don't sit on the floor in my bedroom and cry anymore and ache inside and have that incredible anxiety I had for so long...I just have a longing for it to stop and am making great strides in my goals now. it has taken almost 2 years of my life again, alcohol is a taker, it takes everything we have, we have to not let it win - please keep posting, we are all here for you, know - you are not alone anymore and that is a good thing.

L

ladyjane

Hi Brokenwife, welcome to SR. I've certainly been where you are although, my RAH used to pass out in the floor. We'd have to step over him the next morning to get where we needed to go.
Keep coming back and take care of you.
______________________
Trish

Mavis

AH YES! I loved those "passed out moments!"
My Husband used to pass out on the floor under his own urine. Yip, couldn't even make it to the bathroom. He'd pass out on the couch, in the car, on the lawn, on the toilette even! (I always wondered how he could sleep sitting on that thing)
Glad you found us! Keep posting!

parentrecovers

i'm sorry you are struggling, brokenwife. can you get to alanon meetings? blessings, k

denny57

Welcome, brokenwife, glad you're here!

Tally

There are definately others out there like you....all of us!
You'll find alot of wisdom here on this board, alot of information and insight, it will definately help you if you let it...Welcome :o)

sunshine321

Ugh! I understand and feel disgusted all the time. I hate that I feel that way when I look at my abf but I can't help how I feel. It's truly so sad and I wish they could see what we see. I know that story about going out for a little while which turns into hours or even all night. I don't even listen anymore when he walks out the door and now just assume he won't be home at all. I don't stay up worrying if he'll make it home alive, call me from jail for DWI or if he got in an accident. I can't worry because it's not my problem and I can't do anything about it anymore. The disgust is something I'm having a hard time controlling though. I hope you find what you need to get you through these trying times. I have used a lot of slogans and the serenity prayer helps too. And many meetings. I've been to 4 in two days. Whatever it takes, I'm keeping my sanity and I won't be the one to end up sick. I can't afford to, I have two littles ones counting on me.

Jenny

sunshine321

And to answer your last question? Why not you, or me or anyone else? I don't think alcoholism is selective when picking victims. There are so many reasons and you have to figure out whether it's because you have a co-dependant personality, come from a family with alcoholic behavior or whether it's just the circumstances or bad luck. In the end, all that matters is what you want to do about the situation and figure out the best way to take care of YOU.

Jenny

Astro

Welcome to SR, BrokenWife. I'm sure you know from your first post here that there are many more just like you. Glad you decided to join us!

queenteree

(((brokenwife))) Welcome to SR! You will find all of us here, at one time or another, have felt the same way and much worse about our alcoholic loved ones. I felt that exact same way about my RAH for a while also and was having a giant pity party for me for a long time too! When I came to SR about a year ago, I was a broken wife also, then all these great people came along who gave me such support and strength that I could never have imagined. My husband is now in recovery and when I look back to how broken I was a year ago in August, it's amazing. I'm not even the same woman, and I have SR to thank for that. Please keep reading and posting as many times as you want, we're always here for you.
Teree

lionessa

Together We Can and Do get through the trials of Life.I find my strength in the Lord,My support in meetings and you can find it here too.Al-anon saved my life...The literature and Books gave me knowledge and understanding of the alcoholic and myself...Finding a home group meeting and a sponsor to help me work the steps and develop a close relationship with others going through the same thing.I developed a closer and more intimate and personal relationship with God.May you find Hope,Peace

lostnfound1961

Welcome to the club. I so know where you are. I have been there many times my self. You love them and you hate them. They say they love you, but if they love you, then why does it hurt so much?
Oh I so know what you are feeling. I think everyone here does.

HUGS
D

BrokenWife

So of course we talked this morning and he didn't even remember driving home, yelling nasty words, or falling into the wall. He said "guess I had a blackout." Apologized and blah blah blah....same ole thing. Told him that I don't believe in divorce but don't see myself doing this for 50 more years. Of course he said that he doesn't have a problem, it just was one night that he lost control, but me saying divorce scares him.

I just look at this man with disgust and don't even want him touching me.