Ugh!!

Old 08-05-2007, 10:35 PM
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Ugh!!

OK so I just did a big NO NO... I just called the EXABF. Why did I call him? Well, I got really ticked that he crossed a boundary (well if you want to call it that). Anyway, you guys have all heard me talk about the Mountain Biking Group I am very active in... My exabf made a promise to stay away from that groups forum out of respect for me. Well, this evening I notice that he has been back on there...In fact he was logged in at the same time as me!! So, I called and said that if he wasn't going to continue to keep his promise to not log onto MORC that he should have said something to me. He replied back with I haven't been on MORC. I said yes you have your on there right now. He then replied No I'm not. How dumb does he think I am. If he wasn't on there his profile would say Last Activity: November 16th 2006 which was the last time I had this conversation with him about the whole MORC thing. But his profile doesn't say that it doesn't say anything and that is b/c when your logged on under invisible it says nothing in your profile about your current activity until you log off. Anyway, thats neither here nor there. So, after a few minutes of silence he says you know why I changed my profile...I changed it b/c I had to put the link to my blog on there in response to your blog where you publicly attack me using my full real name..so, I wanted to defend myself and wanted anyone on MORC to be able to see it too. Then he said but I did notice that you had also taken down that post.
My reply was unbeliveable !! I then said I want my space from you and asked him to get out of my space. He replied with I dont' know what you mean. I told him he did. He knows very well what he's doing. Heck how did he know I had a blog to begin with to even need to make a rebuttal. That was a sarcastic statement. Anyway, he chimes in with I'm not bringing you back into my life its you bringing me back in by calling me and so forth. Then he said thats why I said I wouldn't initiate any further contact. Oh the games the games the games. During this conversation he said something else in reply to me saying if he has a problem with something I do or say to take it up directly with me..in which his reply was I've tried that and it never ends up going well it just seems to end up making you more angry than you already were. Anyway, he again said he would stay off MORC but I don't believe he will....he wouldn't have been on there in the first place. Unbelievable is all I can say.
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Old 08-05-2007, 10:41 PM
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UGH!! Does he really think I'm that stupid...he's still on there.
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Old 08-06-2007, 04:46 AM
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sounds like typical A behaviour to me...

(((MTB))) rage and anger hurts. Having my ex in my life in any way is hurtful to me. I try my best to refrain from any contact in any way as I know that anything that comes out of his mouth will be hurtful and no good can come from me trying to explain my side or get answers. I have all the answers I need:

1. I didn't deserve what he gave me
2. He has a disease that I was/am in no way at fault for
3. I am acceptable, my feelings are valid, and need nothing from him validate myself.

He will continue to lie, manipulate and live life on any terms but life's terms. This is what I can EXPECT from him.

I wish him recovery - but as someone else said it perfectly, I won't be inviting him to tea for amends. Getting my forgivess and wishing him recovery is all he's got coming to him.

If lying and breaking a promise/boundary by being logged into this site has gotten a response out of you (what he wanted to begin with), he's probably wondering why it's taking you so long to call him back again

I rather see it like training a dog. The minute my geriatric puppy gets away with something, he'll repeat the bad behaviour twice as much to see if he can get the same desired outcome.
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Old 08-06-2007, 04:54 AM
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Unfortunately you really can not prevent him from doing anything much less go on a site.
Heck he could even go on as someone else.

It’s a trivial matter if you do think about it. I’d let such a thing go, and ignore any further posts or sightings.
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Old 08-06-2007, 05:25 AM
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Cage and Mr. C could not have said it any better!

MTB

My XABF came into this forum! When I was together with him I found this site for ME not thinking back then....(codie crazies "hello" waves) told him how I thought it could be a good thing for him! Until I realized as Cage said.......
He will continue to lie, manipulate and live life on any terms but life's terms. This is what I can EXPECT from him.
but there was nothing I could do the damage of telling him was done!

He signed up posted a couple of times and never came back in for over a year 1/2 and then one day BAM! The Admin.s and everyone will tell you! "waving" codie crazies kicked in again until I was reminded by all the wonderful SR peeps.....to relax! If I wanted to change my name that I could...when I calmed down..all was good...as you see I have not changed my name yet and if I decide to do so..it will be something as Cynay suggested for my growth in my new life! (All my own CHOICES)

Hang in there MTB and next time just breathe 10 times before you pick up that phone it is not worth the energy wasted from you!
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Old 08-06-2007, 05:32 AM
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The choices belong to me. I would weigh how important it was for ME to be on the site and either stay or go. Not being able to control someone else isn't only about the drinking. I can make a request, but I can't force someone to perform. I'd consider what options are available that don't take him into consideration. I do think if he isn't engaged by phone calls it'll die a slow death.
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Old 08-06-2007, 11:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Rella927 View Post
My XABF came into this forum!

Mine actually found this Forum on my "Favorites" right before he moved out and AND LOGGED IN AS ME! He guessed my password!

Changed it later - but geez. He fessed up to try to use that as leverage to let him stay...didn't work. What a creep.
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Old 08-06-2007, 11:45 AM
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"He fessed up to try to use that as leverage to let him stay"

XABF was stalking me on another forum of which I was a member for nearly 4 years. He was reading my posts (no biggie) but then he started copying them out of context and emailing them to me to try to "prove" that I was having an affair. Then he threatened to mail them along with personal correspondence to my estranged H.

Yes...I allowed him to "get to me" in that I cancelled my forum account and asked for the Admin to delete every single post. I have, however, been able to re-register under a new name and was able to advise my forum friends of my new identity. The downside is that I can no longer post anything remotely personal to my situation as a way of helping others because XABF is still lurking there.

I have nothing to hide from anybody so perhaps I jumped the gun but I feel slightly better that the X can no longer find "leverage". I am learning that As are deceitful and that their deceit is part of the disease. I really would not believe a word they say at this point.

ARL
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Old 08-06-2007, 02:43 PM
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MTB, he wants to keep some sort of connection or "hook" (as in a thorn in your side) with you. He also enjoys twisting your words and getting you upset. Hey, ANY reaction is better than none at all. I agree w/anvil ... you can't zap him off the planet, but you can get off a site when he's there. He's trying to maintain his image of control over you, even if it's in cyberspace.

Log off when he's there. Sure, he's being a pain by stalking you onto websites you frequent, but he's sick. He's doing what sick people do. Stay on the sites and ignore him, or log off when you see he's on. Perhaps if you do that for awhile, he'll get the message. You called him, and he got just what he wanted in his mind.

I truly understand your outrage at having your boundaries disrespected, but that's what they do in any way they can do it. The way I've protected my boundaries through my email accounts and this site was not to post SR to my "favorites" tab and I use handles and passwords AH would never guess in a million years. I learned long ago not to trust him and what little I can protect privately from him, I do.
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Old 08-07-2007, 03:28 AM
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I had to change my identity on here because my ex was coming on reading and answering my posts. It was four or five months before I realized and when the admins checked it out he'd been on here since two days after we had broken up.

Anyways maybe instead of calling him and listening to his quacking you could change your I.D on the site. He's stalking you is what he is doing.

Earthworm
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Old 08-07-2007, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by prodigal View Post
but he's sick. He's doing what sick people do.

Doesn't get any more simple than that...
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Old 08-07-2007, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by cagefree View Post
Mine actually found this Forum on my "Favorites" right before he moved out and AND LOGGED IN AS ME! He guessed my password!

Changed it later - but geez. He fessed up to try to use that as leverage to let him stay...didn't work. What a creep.

Yup remember those days.....mine too cage! Passwords to private banking stuff, cell phone and even had my pass code for my messages which I did not find out until a year after he was gone!

Creep! is right!
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Old 08-07-2007, 09:37 PM
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Thanks for all the replies everyone. I met with my therapist today. She is awesome!!
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