need advise
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
need advise
I am an alcoholic.I have a 18 year old daughter who starts to school in two weeks.As far as I know she has never drank maybe because of seeing me.I was considering taking her to a speaker meeting so she can hear what can happen from experimenting.I have told her she has the genes to be one of us but I would like her to her this from another point.Opinons please.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey bagger 
A really good place for teens to learn about drinking, as well as understanding their alcoholic parents (in or out of recovery) is al-ateen. It's a part of Al-anon and they could sure your use an older teen who's dad is in recovery, that would give the other kids hope for their own parents.
Mike
A really good place for teens to learn about drinking, as well as understanding their alcoholic parents (in or out of recovery) is al-ateen. It's a part of Al-anon and they could sure your use an older teen who's dad is in recovery, that would give the other kids hope for their own parents.
Mike
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
((bagger))
I think it's a great discussion to have. I really do think that if the subject is approached in a matter-of-fact way, lives will be saved. Understanding your body may not be equipped to drink alcohol in a social way is a valuable thing to know. I know I take into consideration other health related advice, why not this? What's so wrong with explaining the genetics of alcoholism?
Good luck!
I think it's a great discussion to have. I really do think that if the subject is approached in a matter-of-fact way, lives will be saved. Understanding your body may not be equipped to drink alcohol in a social way is a valuable thing to know. I know I take into consideration other health related advice, why not this? What's so wrong with explaining the genetics of alcoholism?
Good luck!
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
With my kids, we talked about not drinking until they were legal and the consequences both legally and at home. My sons have been responsible. The oldest is now 22 and drinks only in moderation. My 18 YO doesn't drink to my knowledge (he lives with me and doesn't have a license yet so I think I'd know).
My step daugters are altogether different, at least partly because their mother (whom they live with) has actually told them from about 16 on that, as long as they are responsible about it, its ok to drink. (Unbelievable, ain't it?) Of course she is a big time drinker and their father is an active alcoholic so they also get wonderful role models.
My middle stepdaughter (17) is an alcoholic. She was arrested for DUI at 16 and at first went to AA because it was court ordered. After several months, she really did start to understand she has a problem with alcolhol and has been working the program well.
All this is trying to say that I would discuss drinking with your daughter but to leave it at that unless you have reason to believe there is a problem. I tend to think it doesn't help to over talk the issue.
My step daugters are altogether different, at least partly because their mother (whom they live with) has actually told them from about 16 on that, as long as they are responsible about it, its ok to drink. (Unbelievable, ain't it?) Of course she is a big time drinker and their father is an active alcoholic so they also get wonderful role models.
My middle stepdaughter (17) is an alcoholic. She was arrested for DUI at 16 and at first went to AA because it was court ordered. After several months, she really did start to understand she has a problem with alcolhol and has been working the program well.
All this is trying to say that I would discuss drinking with your daughter but to leave it at that unless you have reason to believe there is a problem. I tend to think it doesn't help to over talk the issue.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Well yeas support and discussion, oh yes and opinion.
I am sorry if you took it the wrong way but you did ask for an opinion.
If we all agreed with everyone that wrote, there would be no growth or discussion.
Everyone does handle drinking differently, some can handle moderation.
Alanon and Alanteen are great programs to begin with.
I am sorry if you took it the wrong way but you did ask for an opinion.
If we all agreed with everyone that wrote, there would be no growth or discussion.
Everyone does handle drinking differently, some can handle moderation.
Alanon and Alanteen are great programs to begin with.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
We dont have al-anon meetings close to our town.I just would like her to have the imformation about our families drinking history and what it can do if it gets to be a problem.I didn't have this info till I was in the program for awhile.My father was killed in a car wreck when I was 1 found out in adult hood we was drunk both grndfathers were drunks and it just goes on and on.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Originally Posted by baggervance 
...We dont have al-anon meetings close to our town....
- Get in touch with all the spouses of the people at _your_ meeting and help them start an Al-Anon meet in your town.
- Bring her here to SoberRecovery.
That's a few ideas off the top of my head. See if any of those work for you.
Mike
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
Hey, Bagger...I think YOU are the best example to your daughter as to what can happen when consumption of alcohol goes the extreme and she can also see what you are doing by working a programme to get control over alcohol and your life.
If your daughter is interested in attending a meeting with you then encourage her to come. Likewise, encourage her to get involved with Al-Anon which might be more what she needs in terms of overcoming enabling tendencies and co-dependency.
I am not an A. My children's father is not an A. They grew up in a part of the world where wine was in abundance and consumed at meal-time. Beer consumption on a hot afternoon was one more thirst-quenching choice as the children grew older. They never saw adults sitting around drinking just for the sake of drinking. When they got their driver licenses they knew, from example, that you did not drink and drive. They knew how to drink responsibly. That doesn't mean they have never drunk to excess but I know it is not something I can control....much as we parents would like to!
Just thinking here about XABF. He seemed to be VERY informed about alcoholism but that has not stopped him from drinking. I believe both his parents were As and alcohol was part (and party) of everyday life. So, I don't know if knowing about the dangers is a deterrent to not drinking. I would bet that millions of people consume alcohol responsibly and can control their intake. IMO I don't think it is healthy to be AFRAID of alcohol because you have seen the effects of alcoholism first-hand. But then...what do I know? I can't see the world through the eyes of an adult child of an alcoholic.
Those are my thoughts. Be the good example you are being to your daughter and....good luck to you always!
Keep posting here. I like reading voices from the other side.
ARL
If your daughter is interested in attending a meeting with you then encourage her to come. Likewise, encourage her to get involved with Al-Anon which might be more what she needs in terms of overcoming enabling tendencies and co-dependency.
I am not an A. My children's father is not an A. They grew up in a part of the world where wine was in abundance and consumed at meal-time. Beer consumption on a hot afternoon was one more thirst-quenching choice as the children grew older. They never saw adults sitting around drinking just for the sake of drinking. When they got their driver licenses they knew, from example, that you did not drink and drive. They knew how to drink responsibly. That doesn't mean they have never drunk to excess but I know it is not something I can control....much as we parents would like to!
Just thinking here about XABF. He seemed to be VERY informed about alcoholism but that has not stopped him from drinking. I believe both his parents were As and alcohol was part (and party) of everyday life. So, I don't know if knowing about the dangers is a deterrent to not drinking. I would bet that millions of people consume alcohol responsibly and can control their intake. IMO I don't think it is healthy to be AFRAID of alcohol because you have seen the effects of alcoholism first-hand. But then...what do I know? I can't see the world through the eyes of an adult child of an alcoholic.
Those are my thoughts. Be the good example you are being to your daughter and....good luck to you always!
Keep posting here. I like reading voices from the other side.
ARL
I'm outta here @ least for now
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6
From a fellow parent of a teen.. I would say:
Knowledge is POWER… take her!
You could (someday) regret not taking her… However, lets be honest, what harm can come from taking her to hear a speaker. Sound like a great opportunity for you and her to talk more afterward… Can someone say… bonding time!
My vote is Go for it!
Knowledge is POWER… take her!
You could (someday) regret not taking her… However, lets be honest, what harm can come from taking her to hear a speaker. Sound like a great opportunity for you and her to talk more afterward… Can someone say… bonding time!
My vote is Go for it!
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: here
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Hi,
I also had an alcoholis father (along with most of my family apart from my mum).
I'm sorry but experience (in my experience) is the only tool in finding out what you are made of. Sugar and hops and nothing nice as i discovered.
But don't lose heart. Has your daughter ever drank or been drunk? Does she confide in you? Frienship with your daughter is the only way to know what is going in her life.
My mum was never a drinker yet she was always my best confidante simply because she never judged.
I also had an alcoholis father (along with most of my family apart from my mum).
I'm sorry but experience (in my experience) is the only tool in finding out what you are made of. Sugar and hops and nothing nice as i discovered.
But don't lose heart. Has your daughter ever drank or been drunk? Does she confide in you? Frienship with your daughter is the only way to know what is going in her life.
My mum was never a drinker yet she was always my best confidante simply because she never judged.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by Zoey
You would find lots of info in the book "Under the Influence" you can read part of it under the stickeys over on alcoholism site. Perhaps she might read it also.
Hi,bagger. I share your concerns. Like their dad, I can not FORCE my children (19y and 25y) not to drink,etc. They both corcern me and especially sad,they are angry about their dad and his behaviors and are sure "they will keep an eye on it" and not get like that.....that phrase alone make me shudder (to myself). They both did read "Under the Influence" (or at least some of it) when we were preparing for an intervention.
I try to present the facts and let them know there are resources (like Al-Anon,this forum,counselors,the Big Book,etc) and my son has dabbled into a few of those. I keep the Alanon ODAT in the "bathroom reading" and I get the impression my daughter has been reading that. (She refuses alanon,etc)
I never knew my Gfathers were alcoholics until a few years ago,either (some still don't agree they were "that bad"). One was in recovery by the time I knew him and the other died when I was about 7y (although the first time I tasted bourbon, it reminded me of him). My sister is a recovering (closet) alcoholic. My exAH and most of the people on his father's side are alcoholic or married to one or both. (On his mom's side,his Gma was a member of the Temperance Movement,so I have to wonder "why"...) So; genetically,my kids have the odds against them. I remind them of that (in a low key way). I guess that is about all I CAN do (I don't serve/buy alcohol for them either). I basically feel I have to do the same with them as I do with their dad; and keep the lines of communication open. And pray.
And hope I do not have to go through this with one or both of them,too..........
Good luck!
"Under the Influence" might be a great "going off to college gift" for your daughter to read and share....more fact-oriented, that keep it from feeling "personal". You could tell her that you have learned facts that you were not aware of, and perhaps she and others would benefit from it,too.
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