Pick-a-name

Have a gret vacation!!!

Mskattie

I know I get really depressed and angry when I hear or find out my ex is actually doing great because it makes feel like I was imagining that he had a problem with using and maybe I was the crazy one... I try not to go there but I go down that what if's road a lot...

I hope you 'll have a great time vacationing! You deserve that!!

guineapigjude

Likewise, Mskattie. I used to worry that he'd make this miraculous recovery and would prove I was the problem. For a while I even believed him when he told me he was only drinking occasionally and had given up pot. Took a while, but then it suddenly dawned on me ~ he never told the truth when we were together, why would he be telling it now? Then I also let myself realizethat the only thing different in his life was the lack of his "ball and chain". His friends didn't change. Whats the odds of him hanging with the drink til you puke club and abstaining? Zero! This weekend he went "golfing" on the cape wihth his buddies. I almost got caught up in the fantasy of him on white beaches, beautiful hotels, lounging in the jacuzzi ~ then I got real ~ it'll be the same old crew, drinking, getting stoned, doing lines, and acting like idiots.
With OR without us, they're the same.

fluffyflea

Yes it is a normal thing to do before we start valueing ourselves. Then when we value ourselves we'll spend the time creating the life that WE deserve and not think about them.


Earthworm

cagefree

Since my XABF acted the same drunk as he did sober...it's a given he hasn't suddenly morphed into Mr Right. I think Mr Whiteknuckles is a better fitting name.

However, since he's been out of my life:

My definition of Mr Right has morphed into something completely different

MTBChick

Amen to that!! I'm on the same page as you.

~MTB

hbb

Thank you everyone, i'm trying to have fun but it's still hard. Your comments and support age getting me through. I know in the long run he did me a favor but your right Cagefree...he is just whiteknuckling it and good luck to the next person that deals with him. He had a good thing and let it go i do know that. I decided that when i get home, i'm not looking around, or even wondering what, where or the what if's. I HAVE to come back better and start over for ME this time and i think this is my only shot once and for all to not look back. Thank you again and i'll be back in a day or so.....Im convinced he's a lost cause and need to absorb that.

kglast

(hbb) yes, i do the same thing....TOO OFTEN...let me know when you figure out how to stop.....

hbb

My first step once i get off this island is right back to the gym, at least there it took up an hour or so every day after work and hopefully shifting my attention for 5 minutes on ME would be a good start for me!! I guess i went into this whole break up in the beginning the wrong way, never accepting it for what it was and moving on from the beginning. But now realize i have no choice but to move on and do for myself what ive been doing for someone else for the past 9 months that DIDN'T apparently appreciate me for it.

pineapple2007

hbb,

Better see him on the street BEFORE your vacation. than HAVE HIM THERE ON YOUR VACATION !!! (sorry, had to add that )

You are way better than them both. you sound like you are getting in the right frame of mind every time I see your posts. try to get to your strong stand. You worked hard for it!!! dont let seeing him pull u down. keep saying. PFFFFFFFFF I AM WAYYY BETTER. Trust me, it helps!
Im happy for you Heather xxxx

have an amazing vacation!

hbb

Thanks Pineapple, your right, glad he's not here because like my dad said he would have been misserable!! Hope you guys are all doing well too, sorry i'm not there to share this week but i'll be back

elizabeth1979

This is going to sound very hihg and mighty.
I dont think he is living large. I think hes miserable.
I held his pieces together for too long. I hope Im wrong and some days I wonder if hes got the better end of the deal..then I remember the past.
Then I turn on some music that makes me feel awesome and listen to it loud and dance.
No matter how great is life is..MINE is great and thats whats important!!

denny57

I always wanted AH to be punished.

Today, a year and a half after he filed for divorce, he has not worked, he has lost his marriage and his home. His health is suffering - he has been diagnosed with a mass on his pancreas, amongst other things. Yes, he has a "girlfriend" who lives 7000 miles away in another country.

I don't feel good about any of what is happening to him. The only "what if" I have today is what if he had chosen sobriety?

hbb

You ladies are exactly right and i was talking to a girlfriend of mine today and said to her you know what, it dawned on me last night that if his "world" hasn't turned around in the 9 months we were together of happiness, sobriety, money, love and encouragement than it will most likely NEVER happen.

I think for me, it's not even my exabf anymore, it's the fact that i'm lonely and trying to bounce back to the fun loving Heather i was a year ago. Which i know i will get there but being someone's right arm for 9 months has really taken me out of the social loop. I guess you really can't better/change someone, the HAVE to want to themselves and like Denny, I feel J won't stay with sobriety but thats for him to deal with. I've said all along i hope he does get better but doesn't really appear that way to me anymore.

I leave this island on Sunday and i'm hoping for a new beginning for Heather and that i don't look back, or in driveways lol!!