okay, i am sick to my stomach -help!
 

i just talked to the atty. and he said that ah could be entitled to half of the settlement i get for my car accident i was in two years ago. i am just sick over this you guys :(

i am the one who had my face smashed against a steering wheel, had to undergo reconstructive surgery, physical therapy, months of the most awful pain and bleeding and bruising. he was in absolutely no way involved in this accident. he had nothing to do with it.

how do i fight this???

on top of this. he is about near impossible to live with him now. rages and blackouts.

last night i spent the whole day cleaning, clearing things out of the house, organizing, picking paint colors to paint for the bathroom and kitchen, and scrubbing carpet to try and get the house ready to sell. he has informed me that he is not fixing anything if he is moving out (did we not see this coming and predict him leaving me with this mess!) my friend came over and helped me- i work all day long - 7 in the morning to 1 at night! i was completely exhausted.

he freaked out (i think because he saw that i was really doing all this stuff) and came home drunk and started yelling at my friend and her 5 year old daughter to GET OUT! did not want to let me finish doing the floors. he threw a drunken irrational fit ( all in front of a poor innocent 5 year old child) i felt so bad :( my friend started fighting with him. i knew better and just tried to get them out of the house asap. her husband came rushing over. it was a big ordeal. no i know why you cannot even have friends at your house when you live with an alcoholic.

i am thinking of saying something to his best friend who helped him get off of coke a long time back. something has to be done. maybe he can talk some sense into him?

The next rage, call the police. Get his actions documented. Talk to your attorney about what community property means (if Ohio is a no fault, community property state). I am going through this and I know I also believed it meant 50/50 on everything. It's not true. Many factors come into how property, including cash is divided. Please, please, talk to your attorney about this. Or do the homework yourself.

Take care of you.

absolutely .....build up ammunition so, if the time comes, you have a clear documented case...

(((Hopeangel))) Are you sure the attorney said he "could be" entitled to it? If so, please check with another matrimonal attorney before getting all upset. I do not know the laws in your state, and I am not an attorney, but I believe here in NY, personal injury settlements do not count when divorcing (neither do inheritances, unless it is in a joint account). I checked this out when my mother died and left me some money - it is in a bank account in my name only. My RAH has a personal injury lawsuit going on and when I was thinking of divorcing him, the attorney I consulted said that is his, and I wouldn't be entitled to it. Maybe my attorney was wrong, but in any event, if you could get a free consult with another attorney, it couldn't hurt.
Sorry to hear that he is putting you thru so much. He's not going to get help until he is ready, so why bother having that friend talk to him (BTDT). It just might create more chaos. Sounds like a real downward spiral to me, though. Keep being strong, it will all work out as it's supposed to.

so many times...
 

you guys. i should have called the police on this man and i didn't. i was trying to be nice and keep him out of jail (well, i've been trying to spare myself the embarrassment and hardship of that too). the other reason i haven't called the police is because we were talking about adoption (obviously NOT even a consideration now) and i didn't want that on his record because we would never be able to adopt...but... how dumb have i been~! i could have had him out of the house, a restraining order, and it would all be documented... and this man could have finally paid the consequences for his actions...as he should!!!

take care of yourself. ask the police for help next time. it's just not fair for you to be afraid for your and your friend's safety - especially in your own home.

hugs, k

You still can. Lamenting the mistakes I made never got me anywhere but stuck. So what if you could have done something else. You didn't. But, the good news is, you can start doing something different now.

Wishing you peace,

L

Check with another lawyer. The key word is that "he could" be entitled. Is your state a "no fault" state?

I would def. call the cops next time. The more stuff you have documented then the more it will help you when it comes to him possibly getting half this settlement I would think.

Hope,

I am not an attorney but I took several law classes in college. A damage award to a married couple in a civil suit - even if settled out of court - can be split in a dicorce proceeding. You are right that you were the one injured, in the hospital, in pain, reconstructive surgery, etc. This is true and will help you.

That does not mean that your spouse's damages are zero however. Loss of consortium while you were injured/incapacitated, loss of earning capacity or mental anguish while you were recovering, etc. are all common reasons why your husband - no matter how lousy a husband he was - could get a piece of these damages.

However, the key question is how did you seek redress for your damages? If it was just you for your damages, you may be fine and get it all.

Having said that, the settlement paperwork could very easily have (and will have if a good attorney wrote it up) wording covering all damages, including those I mentioned that could give part of the settlement to your spouse. This way, your spouse could not come back AGAIN and ask for those damages separately.

So share these thoughts with your attorney, and get proactive on this issue if it is not too late. If you never or rarely had sex, use this to minimize his loss of consortium damages.

It is very tempting to get all upset - I would be in your shoes - but now is the time to take action as well. If your lawyer is not proactive in helping you with this, get a new one.

And whatever happens, don't let the chaos around you get you down.

Wow, you can get money for loss of sex? I should have sued the Coors Brewing Company. Hahahahahahahaha! ;)

L

Yes community property means just that.
Also everyone out there still married to there “A” will be responsible for his or her debts also.

It goes both ways.

Yes. Loss of consortium is big. If you are ever in a serious accident and cannot have sex, your SO can get big buck$.

wow, i am entitled to a whole bunch of money for lack of sex then! ;) once again, i am smiling ...

i got the big speech from ah tonight that once he is gone i will find another alcoholic who abuses me because deep down, he KNOWS i am happy... ah yea, right!!! yack...yuck...

Nice

ugh!!! Call the cops, please. Be prepared. If he's in this state, you know it will be soon when he does it again. Please be prepared to call the police. Don't even threaten him with it either. That could just make him violent. You need to get this documented.

Nothing works better in court than an inch thick file of court orders against him.
File for a protection order.
Call the police when he comes home in a rage.
Go to the police station, and just talk to an officer about options. Mention his name.
Have him commited. Some states allow you to have someone taken in for evaluation. They stay anywhere from 24 hours to 48 hours. If he poses a danger to himself, they'll keep him longer.

As for community property, in SC, what ever you owned before your marrige is still yours. What ever you gained together, including debt is divided.
Then again, if you can get him to agree in mediation then maybe you won't lose anything. You must speak to an atty in your state.

I am sorry you have to go through such terror. That's what I hate about drugs and alchohol. You live as a victim.
You don't have to keep living as a victim though.
When the time is right, you'll make the decisions you need to make.
I hope it gets better for you.

Do you really think his friend can talk some sense into him? Can you? Can anybody?

Sorry to say whatever money an alcoholic gets will be P.I.S.S.E.D away, literally and figuratively. The sad part is that the money squandered could have gone towards childrens education, etc etc.