It has turned sick
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
It has turned sick
Well, you might know from my other thread that I sent the break-off email. It didn't go down well as I discovered in reading the reply. For some reason he assumed that there is another man and that is the only reason I would break things off. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Then I had to read through a slew of insults regarding my character. The top off was a threat to mail items of a very personal nature to my estranged H (we have been separated for over three years).
Stupidly....I bit. Answered very XABF telling him that this threat felt like blackmail and I was shocked beyond belief that he could tell me in one sentence that he would always love me and in the next set out to get the worst kind of revenge possible on me.
Then I went for a long walk where I tried to focus on my fears. When I came home, I wrote to my estranged H and told him exactly what had been threatened. This morning estranged H replied that he would respect my privacy and any envelope arriving from XABF would be forwarded to me un-opened.
I believe my best course of action now is to cut off ALL contact with XABF. I certainly realize that the man is very sick. He must have been drunk to write that threat to me without fully realizing the implications of it.
I do think, however, that I should let XABF know that I have told estranged H everything and that IF XABF makes any more threats to me I will not hesitate to advise his lawyer, the county prosecutor (wonder what hints of "blackmail" will look like along with the DUI charges!) and his employer (with the DUI, XABF is at risk of losing his job).
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
ARL
Stupidly....I bit. Answered very XABF telling him that this threat felt like blackmail and I was shocked beyond belief that he could tell me in one sentence that he would always love me and in the next set out to get the worst kind of revenge possible on me.
Then I went for a long walk where I tried to focus on my fears. When I came home, I wrote to my estranged H and told him exactly what had been threatened. This morning estranged H replied that he would respect my privacy and any envelope arriving from XABF would be forwarded to me un-opened.
I believe my best course of action now is to cut off ALL contact with XABF. I certainly realize that the man is very sick. He must have been drunk to write that threat to me without fully realizing the implications of it.
I do think, however, that I should let XABF know that I have told estranged H everything and that IF XABF makes any more threats to me I will not hesitate to advise his lawyer, the county prosecutor (wonder what hints of "blackmail" will look like along with the DUI charges!) and his employer (with the DUI, XABF is at risk of losing his job).
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
ARL
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
I'm so sorry your going through this 
It's not fair, i did read your other thread with the plan to end things. I guess if it were me, i would just not feed into his threats, if you show him you don't care he will probably just do nothing about it. A little reverse psychology with him perhaps. And him bringing in your H into the mix is just cruel. I would just ignore him and IF something should happen down the road, then contact your lawyer but i would just let it lie. He's the one that is looking like the fool....LET HIM 
Take care, your worth much better than this treatment you are receiving.
It's not fair, i did read your other thread with the plan to end things. I guess if it were me, i would just not feed into his threats, if you show him you don't care he will probably just do nothing about it. A little reverse psychology with him perhaps. And him bringing in your H into the mix is just cruel. I would just ignore him and IF something should happen down the road, then contact your lawyer but i would just let it lie. He's the one that is looking like the fool....LET HIM Take care, your worth much better than this treatment you are receiving.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
ARL x so sorry your going through this, same happened to me when i wrote my goodbye letter, he twisted it to suit himself. It doesnt matter youve done the hard bit. Have no contact with him. he will probably send you an appology soon and that is harder to deal with, the more of an Axx he is the better for your recovery. Dont worry you will deal with it like the real lady you are.
Keep posting ARL we are all here for you.
M x
Keep posting ARL we are all here for you.
M x
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You have informed your H about what is going on, and it appears he is quite level-headed about respecting your privacy by sending anything XABF may send him. Inform XABF - WHY??? You said it yourself: your best course of action is to cut off all ties with him. Period. Anything you say can be used against you by this sick man. Don't let his baloney intimidate or concern you. If you have further contact, you will be giving him more ammunition to use against you, as you can see from sending him a fond farewell letter.
CUT OFF ALL CONTACT BEGINNING IMMEDIATELY. Good riddance to BAD news!
CUT OFF ALL CONTACT BEGINNING IMMEDIATELY. Good riddance to BAD news!
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Hey Real,
You remind me of me. I too, broke it off and continued the drama
He,he,he,,,
Then it occured to me, breaking it off meant NO CONTACT!!!If I ain't talking to him or allowing him to take up space in my head, he can't threaten me. It's just QUACKING!!!
I'm about to get blunt, please forgive me if I overstep my boundary.
But for me, plotting ways to get back at him, only kept me in MY disease. Caught up in the "drama" that I was telling myself I'd had enough of,,,
ARL,,,,what is it YOU want and need?
Peace
You remind me of me. I too, broke it off and continued the drama
He,he,he,,,
Then it occured to me, breaking it off meant NO CONTACT!!!If I ain't talking to him or allowing him to take up space in my head, he can't threaten me. It's just QUACKING!!!
I'm about to get blunt, please forgive me if I overstep my boundary.
But for me, plotting ways to get back at him, only kept me in MY disease. Caught up in the "drama" that I was telling myself I'd had enough of,,,
ARL,,,,what is it YOU want and need?
Peace
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 477
CE...you weren't blunt and you didn't overstep any boundary.
I don't want drama....I want this to be over! HE turned it into a nightmare for me even though his QUACKINGS may just be empty threats. I am in the process of doing damage control today and hope that will be THE END.
I will NOT contact him.....no point.
ARL
I don't want drama....I want this to be over! HE turned it into a nightmare for me even though his QUACKINGS may just be empty threats. I am in the process of doing damage control today and hope that will be THE END.
I will NOT contact him.....no point.
ARL
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by ARealLady 
I don't want drama....I want this to be over!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
Posts: 757
ARL, sounds like you and i are having the same kind of day, only it could get worse for you....read my thread...this only gets worse if you marry the man.
take care hon! end all contact and get on with your life. this is a man that is not worthy of being in your life, not worthy of your contact, and not worthy of space in your brain
have a happy life, hon. (((hugs)))
take care hon! end all contact and get on with your life. this is a man that is not worthy of being in your life, not worthy of your contact, and not worthy of space in your brain
have a happy life, hon. (((hugs)))
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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They always assume there is another man, they have to otherwise they might have to look at themselves.
Earthworm
Earthworm
Originally Posted by ARealLady
Well, you might know from my other thread that I sent the break-off email. It didn't go down well as I discovered in reading the reply. For some reason he assumed that there is another man and that is the only reason I would break things off. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Then I had to read through a slew of insults regarding my character. The top off was a threat to mail items of a very personal nature to my estranged H (we have been separated for over three years).
Stupidly....I bit. Answered very XABF telling him that this threat felt like blackmail and I was shocked beyond belief that he could tell me in one sentence that he would always love me and in the next set out to get the worst kind of revenge possible on me.
Then I went for a long walk where I tried to focus on my fears. When I came home, I wrote to my estranged H and told him exactly what had been threatened. This morning estranged H replied that he would respect my privacy and any envelope arriving from XABF would be forwarded to me un-opened.
I believe my best course of action now is to cut off ALL contact with XABF. I certainly realize that the man is very sick. He must have been drunk to write that threat to me without fully realizing the implications of it.
I do think, however, that I should let XABF know that I have told estranged H everything and that IF XABF makes any more threats to me I will not hesitate to advise his lawyer, the county prosecutor (wonder what hints of "blackmail" will look like along with the DUI charges!) and his employer (with the DUI, XABF is at risk of losing his job).
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
ARL
Stupidly....I bit. Answered very XABF telling him that this threat felt like blackmail and I was shocked beyond belief that he could tell me in one sentence that he would always love me and in the next set out to get the worst kind of revenge possible on me.
Then I went for a long walk where I tried to focus on my fears. When I came home, I wrote to my estranged H and told him exactly what had been threatened. This morning estranged H replied that he would respect my privacy and any envelope arriving from XABF would be forwarded to me un-opened.
I believe my best course of action now is to cut off ALL contact with XABF. I certainly realize that the man is very sick. He must have been drunk to write that threat to me without fully realizing the implications of it.
I do think, however, that I should let XABF know that I have told estranged H everything and that IF XABF makes any more threats to me I will not hesitate to advise his lawyer, the county prosecutor (wonder what hints of "blackmail" will look like along with the DUI charges!) and his employer (with the DUI, XABF is at risk of losing his job).
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
ARL
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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sorry i hit enter too quick !!
what i wanted to say was that i was sorry for your situation and that I find with my own ah , the less I respond to his rambling , the faster it goes away ! He is very offense and assumes because we seperated I must have another man (oh pulezz!)
immediately it puts me on the defense but I have learned to bit my tongue!
what i wanted to say was that i was sorry for your situation and that I find with my own ah , the less I respond to his rambling , the faster it goes away ! He is very offense and assumes because we seperated I must have another man (oh pulezz!)
immediately it puts me on the defense but I have learned to bit my tongue!
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Originally Posted by Earthworm
They always assume there is another man, they have to otherwise they might have to look at themselves.
Earthworm
Earthworm
How come the A cannot fathom that a person (man or woman) can and will survive without a SO? I broke off this relationship for ME.
ARL
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although i do not like this type of behavior, my xh displayed it many timess towards me......for instance....after behaving very badly to me and verbally abusing me to the point of terror, it was like he would turn all sweet and then demand for me to respond favorably towards his intimate advances.
how sick is that??????? lemme see.....smash and destroy, then demand for someone to love them, and be quick about it, then smash and destroy again when advances are rejected. then go on a rampage of sick revenge to top it all off.
don't need this kind of love. no sir. not for me. lived it too long to ever settle for that again.
how sick is that??????? lemme see.....smash and destroy, then demand for someone to love them, and be quick about it, then smash and destroy again when advances are rejected. then go on a rampage of sick revenge to top it all off.
don't need this kind of love. no sir. not for me. lived it too long to ever settle for that again.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: oh
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have to respond to the "man" thing with ah's comments yesterday, "he said that when he leaves i will find another alcoholic who abuses me to latch onto because this is how i am happy and then i will look back and say humm, i am in exactly the same position i was with him and wonder why"
yack, yuck...!!!
yack, yuck...!!!
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"yack, yuck...!!!"
Quack, quack, quack!
I thought about phoning him....just thought about it....not going to!! And I knew that all I was going to hear was QUACKING! So, I thought...nothing there for me just "yack, yuck".
"smash and destroy, then demand for someone to love them, and be quick about it, then smash and destroy again when advances are rejected. then go on a rampage of sick revenge to top it all off."
Do you suppose their brain cells are so destroyed that they really believe this is NORMAL human interaction? You can't blackmail somebody into loving you again.
ARL
Quack, quack, quack!
I thought about phoning him....just thought about it....not going to!! And I knew that all I was going to hear was QUACKING! So, I thought...nothing there for me just "yack, yuck".
"smash and destroy, then demand for someone to love them, and be quick about it, then smash and destroy again when advances are rejected. then go on a rampage of sick revenge to top it all off."
Do you suppose their brain cells are so destroyed that they really believe this is NORMAL human interaction? You can't blackmail somebody into loving you again.
ARL
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
You can't blackmail somebody into loving you again.
He could and he did. Many times. The cunningness of his disease needing my codie self to "enable" him to continue with the lies and denial of his disease. That's WHY he "searched and destroyed" cause I LET him When I play the tape through (think of calling him) I realize its up to me to stop the madness. He will continue his behaviour whether with me or someone else. That's ok, I'll make the sacrafice to someone else,,,he,he,he
My A never came right out and "accused" me of seeing someone. He would simple ask, "are you dating again CE Girl". And you know what? I would ANSWER him?!?!?! How freakin SICK is THAT?!?!?! Ummmm,,let me see, I told him I don't want to see him, talk to him, have any contact at all, he is out of my life. But i'll tell you if ask me a VERY personal question ~DUH~
I gotta be fair here and not blame him, in his disease for trying. It's worked in the past. Part of my recovery is being honest with MYSELF and changing the things that DON'T WORK.
I had to do what i so long has asked my A to do, ACTION
And the first? Breaking it off and meaning it.
Peace
Last edited by DesertEyes; 08-04-2007 at 04:53 PM. Reason: fixed broken quote
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CEGirl....I always find a nugget or two in your posts which make me reflect yet again.
Ya know...I read XABF's comments as "accusations" of two-timing because that is what his twisted logic was telling him. He made assumptions based on some remarks I had made. He couldn't even see that a good reason for breaking off a relationship is so that there is no two-timing. He can't recognize honesty when it slaps him in the face. Everything is about how HE feels and what HE wants. And if HE can't have it...nobody else is going to have it either! Hence...the revenge!
"When I play the tape through (think of calling him) I realize its up to me to stop the madness."
That's the really tough part for all of us. See, I let myself remember the man I fell in love with. I think if I call it will be different and the way it was. He was sober, he had goals, he talked intelligently, we clicked because we appeared to want the same things both on the day-to-day and the long term. Then he started drinking again and well......you all know the rest! What WAS is never going to be again.
ARL
Ya know...I read XABF's comments as "accusations" of two-timing because that is what his twisted logic was telling him. He made assumptions based on some remarks I had made. He couldn't even see that a good reason for breaking off a relationship is so that there is no two-timing. He can't recognize honesty when it slaps him in the face. Everything is about how HE feels and what HE wants. And if HE can't have it...nobody else is going to have it either! Hence...the revenge!
"When I play the tape through (think of calling him) I realize its up to me to stop the madness."
That's the really tough part for all of us. See, I let myself remember the man I fell in love with. I think if I call it will be different and the way it was. He was sober, he had goals, he talked intelligently, we clicked because we appeared to want the same things both on the day-to-day and the long term. Then he started drinking again and well......you all know the rest! What WAS is never going to be again.
ARL
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
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Anvil is right though.... i wouldnt even waste my time replying back to your XABF. The more attention you give him the worse it will get.
(((lady))) im sure youll get through this
(((lady))) im sure youll get through this
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