wish he'd quit

I'm proud of myself today.I had called ah and told him that I was going to pick something up for supper, but changed my mind. He tells me that he didn't think we had extra money, but I explained that I was buying it with money I got from my birthday. He calls me a few minutes later and asked if I'd go to the store for him. I said no because I was already past. When I got home he asked if I could leave him a couple dollars before I left to pick up my daughter. I tell him no. Of course he wants to know why since he was the one going to get it. SO I calmly explained again that it was my birthday money that I had and I was not about to buy him beer so he could be buzzed or drunk and treat me bad later. Of course that didn't sit well with him and he couldn't understand what the big deal was. I informed him that I couldn't understand why he would want to drink everyday and especially with kids watching. Of course he used the ever so popular excuse "because it relaxes me." But I informed him that there is a multitude of other things that could and would relax him. He seems to think he doesnt have time after work. I guess it partially true since he works 50+ hours a week. But it's not a good enough excuse for not finding a more healthy alternative. Especially since he can make the time to go hunting and fishing when he really wants to.

Keeping my joy~ thank you for the post about telling your ah you aren't going to enable him to get drunk and treat you bad later. Your post was my inspiration and strength as I told him this.

But before I left he threw in there that he wished we got along better. Well I read between the lines on that one. I knew he was basically saying that he wished I would become accepting of his drinking and not speak up about it. That is basically what we fight about other than finances. (started when I told him that the money he was spending daily on beer and chew was adding up) BUt he takes my actions against him drinking as arguing when really I am just trying to look out for me and the kids and his health.

ARealLady

"he takes my actions against him drinking as arguing when really I am just trying to look out for me and the kids and his health."

It's true. XABF always referred to my remarks about his drinking as "lectures" or "unpleasantries" and "negative conversations". We never got to the point where we would argue about it because I sensed I was just barking up the wrong tree. I now know that I was!

Good for you for watching out for you and your children! Have you read Melody Beattie's Co-dependent No More? Lots of great stuff in there about setting boundaries to protect yourself from the addict's crazy-making comments and actions.

ARL

Mair

Good for you wish!! I stopped giving my xab money to buy beer, the only thing i used to do was by groceries and put money in the electric meter, i stopped doing that to after a while too, so i'd leave him in his house with no food, electric and no beer money. It was hard in the beginning but i thought he doesnt care so why should i.

Make choices for you. It feels really good.

M x

keepingmyjoy

(((wish he'd quit))) I am so glad that I could be an inspiration to you! I am standing firm and not buying any beer. I posted before that he has so far been able to find ways to buy it. But you know what? I still feel good about myself. When he drinks and gets nasty, I know for sure that it is not my fault because I did not supply him. He is making his choice. So when I feel anger, I do not have to direct it at myself anymore. You keep hanging in there and don't give up!

My AH said that he can't understand how he had it all and now everything is so bad! Funny thing is, for right now, he has it all still, only his main supply got cut off! Puts it all in perspective for me and where I fit. So I am going to get stronger and stronger and distance myself from his choices. You stand strong!!! I am behind you 100%! (as we all are)

hopeangel

good for you! it was so funny the other day. until recently, i was throwing out the beer cans, emptying any full ones i found, going on scavenger hunts looking for them, etc. well, now i just leave them laying. i can't believe the insanity of continually emptying cans, throwing them out, cleaning up...

well, ah has noticed. the other day, he grabbed a can that had just been laying there for days and trys to hand it to me saying "throw this away"! -lol and trying to force me to take it -lol. it was all i could do to keep from cracking up!

your doing the right thing

respektingme

Good for you! It does seem rather insane that he would 1) want your birthday money to buy his booze 2) complain that your relationship isn't what he would like it to be .

Wellllll, no kidding Sherlock!!

Of course, in usual fashion, his first instinct is to place the blame squarely on your shoulders rather than own his part on this. Excellent job not accepting that blame.

When I look back on my marriage, I want to kick myself in the butt for all the times I listened to his words, believed his words, doubted myself, felt horrible about myself, blamed myself because he blamed me. What was I thinking??????? He sacrificed my sanity to get his booze and get me off of his back. Well, no more. I'm off his back. If he can't get sober, I'm out of his life. If he was still drinking, I would already be gone. I never spent any time thinking about Plan B (meaning him out of my life) because it was too scary to think about. Now, when I compare Plan B to Plan A (staying with an active alcoholic), Plan B looks pretty good!