queenteree

I really think it's manipulation, but it could be that she also doesn't get it, or it could be a little of both and I'm getting sick of it. This past weekend, RAH and I told D (possibly A) that we wanted nothing to do with her until she gets her act together. She, of course, twists it to be all in our minds, all our fault, how could we, as parents, accuse her of doing this or that when she doesn't do anything, you know the quacking. Well, Monday she calls me up - "are you still picking up the kids cause if not, I have to make alternate arrangements" to which I replied, of course I'm picking up the kids, they have nothing to do with this. Mon nite RAH calls and leaves her a vm telling her he is willing to sign over title to her car (which he is stuck making payments for) to her, call him to let him know what morning she can meet him down at DMW so they can do it. See, the title is in his name, so he must also pay the insurance if she doesn't cause if she drives uninsured it falls back on him so we've been stuck for over a year paying not only the car payment but car insurance also. D knows that so of course she calls yesterday a.m. to tell me that she is being sued from a previous accident (the accident I knew about it) and wants to keep the title in RAH's name (really not our problem now is it???). I didn't believe her, so being in the legal profession myself, I told her to leave the papers for me to look at. I told her again we want nothing to do with her. Then she has the nerve to ask me for gas money or else she can't get to work and will lose her job. I gave it to her, told her it was the absolute last of the money she will ever get from me, so don't ask again. She says Thanks, I love you (BS!!!!). Today, she shows me the papers - yes, it's a lawsuit, nothing major, insurance company's defending her, they aren't going to take her car. RAH mailed her some student loan notifications that came to our address. She calls me at work to tell me she is going to take care of it this week (and who really cares?????). Again, bye I love you (BS!!!!). Oh, and in the interim, she's on my cell phone plan and ran it up for the 3rd month in a row when specificaly asked her to stay under the minutes and text messaging limits. RAH and I truly don't want any part of her unless it pertains to my grandkids (who I watch 3 nites a week and we love dearly), but she will keep calling and talking to us like nothing ever happened cause she doesn't want to lose the gravy train. We're tired of being used and abused (she can be very nasty and disrepectful, especially if you don't do what she wants) and really wish she was just out of our life completely. Any ideas on how to balance the relationship we have with the grands and not speaking to her at all?

denny57

Sorry to hear it all, QT

I'd think about getting her off the cell phone plan. Here in CA the title can be turned over to anyone by the present title holder signing. Are you sure she has to sign? If so, it sounds like his car to sell.

Did you ever give those Al-Anon meetings a shot?

parentrecovers

during her active addiction - my daughter would spend every penny we have, if we let her...

blessings, k

dollydo

Yes, I would rethink the cell phone thing, and why are you paying her car payment?

As long as you are taking care of her children, you will always have a relationship with her, there really is no other option, the only thing you can do is cut off her supply of money.

wish he'd quit

Sounds like manipulation to me. My bil does the same stuff to his parents. Only his parents do what ever it takes to get him out of jail or what ever money he needs because it keeps him happy. He does work on a regular basis but spends what he has on beer and drugs. But I hope you stand your ground. I also hope that you do what you have to to keep the rest of your family free from any liabilities with her. God bless you for being there for your grandkids. Sounds like they are going to need you.