All My Fault Again....oh yeah, I forgot, it's the weekend
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
So your's waits until the weekend? My exAH used to start on me like clockwork every Thursday night. I guess he wanted to get a jump on the weekend early, since most of Friday night he lived at his local bar and was usually too drunk when he staggered in to get in my face.
They'll get ya comin' or goin'. That is what they do. I go to the bookstore on the weekends, to the movies, to church, to a meeting ... in other words, whatever I can find to do in this small town other than be around AH. He doesn't bother me now that I'm not in his line of fire.
Ignore him. You know it's a pile of (*&#) he's firing in your direction and you know he's sick. Find some friends to hang out with, visit family if you have any relatives nearby. Steer clear of him long enough and he'll find someone else to harrass - or he'll just shut up like mine did.
They'll get ya comin' or goin'. That is what they do. I go to the bookstore on the weekends, to the movies, to church, to a meeting ... in other words, whatever I can find to do in this small town other than be around AH. He doesn't bother me now that I'm not in his line of fire.
Ignore him. You know it's a pile of (*&#) he's firing in your direction and you know he's sick. Find some friends to hang out with, visit family if you have any relatives nearby. Steer clear of him long enough and he'll find someone else to harrass - or he'll just shut up like mine did.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 105
It's alot easier for the A to blame someone else than to look at themselves and take responsibility, in my experience. If they ignore the obvious, they don't have to give up their best friend, alcohol.
It hurts, nonetheless, regardless of how irrational the A's thinking can be, to have the blame shifted to you -- time and time again. Afterall, if you hear something long enough, you start to believe it.
Weekends were always tough for me, too. As were holidays, vacations, and in general, anytime my A wasn't working and we were home at the same time. (translation = every time I was exposed to his drunkenness).
Glad you're here, AskingWhy, although I'm sorry you have a need to be.
Take good care of you.
~ghm
It hurts, nonetheless, regardless of how irrational the A's thinking can be, to have the blame shifted to you -- time and time again. Afterall, if you hear something long enough, you start to believe it.
Weekends were always tough for me, too. As were holidays, vacations, and in general, anytime my A wasn't working and we were home at the same time. (translation = every time I was exposed to his drunkenness).
Glad you're here, AskingWhy, although I'm sorry you have a need to be.
Take good care of you.
~ghm
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
(((((((AW))))))))
Your simple statement, I've felt many times.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I finally asked myself, why do you let it be a continum?
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
As Prodigal says, detachment and destraction. I found by removing myself from the "line of fire" it couldn't wound me.
What do you do for YOU during the weekend? When someone asked me that question, I answered ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I spent my time "twisting" about whether or not he was going to be emotionally abusive and when the hammer would fall. I don't know why I expected it to be different. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was so intuned (obsessed) with HIM, I could literally SEE it coming, in his facial expressions, stance. And I would stand there like a deer in headlights. Easy prey.
For sure a hard cycle to beak. It would almost apear I enjoyed the drama,,,,,
Peace
Your simple statement, I've felt many times.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I finally asked myself, why do you let it be a continum?
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
As Prodigal says, detachment and destraction. I found by removing myself from the "line of fire" it couldn't wound me.
What do you do for YOU during the weekend? When someone asked me that question, I answered ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I spent my time "twisting" about whether or not he was going to be emotionally abusive and when the hammer would fall. I don't know why I expected it to be different. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was so intuned (obsessed) with HIM, I could literally SEE it coming, in his facial expressions, stance. And I would stand there like a deer in headlights. Easy prey.
For sure a hard cycle to beak. It would almost apear I enjoyed the drama,,,,,
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
Wow. The deer in the headlights comment about facial expressions and tone of voice hit home. And, being obsessive hit home too. I guess I want her to love me and want the same marriage with me that I want with her....but the reality is hitting that isn't going to ever happen. It's hard to accept.
My friends have all moved on. Tired of the continuing drama. They don't want to be around. Most don't even answer the phone anymore and they never ever call.
She'd tell you that is all my fault...that I've alienated my friends. Maybe to an extent I have because everytime I do anything with anyone there's either hell to pay the night before...or the day or night after...and that makes it so miserable knowing what's coming when I get home...or being shell shocked from the big fight the night before...that there is no enjoyment. But, they have also seen how it is first hand.
She'd say she's very popular...has lots of friends..is well liked and that she puts on a happy face when talking about me. I'm sure everyone thinks she's just great. They don't see her at home, except for the true "enabling" friends who occasionally drop by and drink with her. And yet she says I'm the phony and that I have a big act I put on for everyone. To an extent, yes...because I certainly don't want to have everyone in the world know...its an embarrassment. Now she's put in the defense mechanism with everyone we know...telling them I'm psycho...controlling...and on and on. I already see the writing on the wall...that way when another marriage fails it won't be her fault at all.
She's sucked me dry financially too. Not that I was ever in great shape...but now, I can't even stand on my own financially....and literally I have no place to go. It's easy for everyone to say detach, move on and get out...but the options just aren't that simple, unless I want to live under a bridge or in my car...and if it keeps going south like this I may have to do that. I don't have extra money to go see a movie..or go bowling....or go out to eat...or do anything. She's financially gotten me to a point that it's more than I can do to pay the bills I have (credit cards).
I'm so sorry to keep venting. I'm about hanging from the end of the rope. There just aren't many options to choose from at all.
My friends have all moved on. Tired of the continuing drama. They don't want to be around. Most don't even answer the phone anymore and they never ever call.
She'd tell you that is all my fault...that I've alienated my friends. Maybe to an extent I have because everytime I do anything with anyone there's either hell to pay the night before...or the day or night after...and that makes it so miserable knowing what's coming when I get home...or being shell shocked from the big fight the night before...that there is no enjoyment. But, they have also seen how it is first hand.
She'd say she's very popular...has lots of friends..is well liked and that she puts on a happy face when talking about me. I'm sure everyone thinks she's just great. They don't see her at home, except for the true "enabling" friends who occasionally drop by and drink with her. And yet she says I'm the phony and that I have a big act I put on for everyone. To an extent, yes...because I certainly don't want to have everyone in the world know...its an embarrassment. Now she's put in the defense mechanism with everyone we know...telling them I'm psycho...controlling...and on and on. I already see the writing on the wall...that way when another marriage fails it won't be her fault at all.
She's sucked me dry financially too. Not that I was ever in great shape...but now, I can't even stand on my own financially....and literally I have no place to go. It's easy for everyone to say detach, move on and get out...but the options just aren't that simple, unless I want to live under a bridge or in my car...and if it keeps going south like this I may have to do that. I don't have extra money to go see a movie..or go bowling....or go out to eat...or do anything. She's financially gotten me to a point that it's more than I can do to pay the bills I have (credit cards).
I'm so sorry to keep venting. I'm about hanging from the end of the rope. There just aren't many options to choose from at all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
(((askingwhy))) Please do not apologize for posting/venting. I wish I had reached out for help long before I did - because I found there is always someone willing to help; the help is out there, I just had to seek it.
It was very difficult for me to not go to the "dark side" when I was deep in it with AH. Life seemed black - even though I knew in my heart I was a pretty darn optimistic person (I think it's why I hung in there so long), by the end I couldn't find the sunshine.
Your profile doesn't say where you are located - are you in an area where you could attend Al-Anon or some other face to face support group? It doesn't cost a dime and I have made so many wonderful friends in my meetings.
Life is for the living - you deserve the best possible life - and you can make one for yourself.
Hang in there.
It was very difficult for me to not go to the "dark side" when I was deep in it with AH. Life seemed black - even though I knew in my heart I was a pretty darn optimistic person (I think it's why I hung in there so long), by the end I couldn't find the sunshine.
Your profile doesn't say where you are located - are you in an area where you could attend Al-Anon or some other face to face support group? It doesn't cost a dime and I have made so many wonderful friends in my meetings.
Life is for the living - you deserve the best possible life - and you can make one for yourself.
Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by AskingWhy 
. Now she's put in the defense mechanism with everyone we know...telling them I'm psycho...controlling...and on and on. I already see the writing on the wall...that way when another marriage fails it won't be her fault at all.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
Not that it really matters what everyone else in this hell hole of a town thinks. I certainly won't stay here when I leave....nor will I ever come back to it. I'm sure one day they'll all see the real way it is anyway
It doesnt matter at all. she will probably find an excuse that wont lay any blame on her. When i ended my relationship with ab because of his drinking and i wrote him a letter saying IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR DRINKING THAT IM LEAVING, he still managed to convince himself that i was seeing someone else.
I lost a lot of friends because of him, but with him out of the picture they are coming back slowly as will yours, they know the truth Askin.
You are near to your recovery arnt you Asking Why.
"I certainly won't stay here when I leave....
It speaks volumes you sound like i did in the last days. If i can do it so can you, it's not easy, but its easier than living on eggshells all the time. Be strong, make plans for you however hard.
best wishes to you and good luck
Mx
It doesnt matter at all. she will probably find an excuse that wont lay any blame on her. When i ended my relationship with ab because of his drinking and i wrote him a letter saying IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR DRINKING THAT IM LEAVING, he still managed to convince himself that i was seeing someone else.
I lost a lot of friends because of him, but with him out of the picture they are coming back slowly as will yours, they know the truth Askin.
You are near to your recovery arnt you Asking Why.
"I certainly won't stay here when I leave....
It speaks volumes you sound like i did in the last days. If i can do it so can you, it's not easy, but its easier than living on eggshells all the time. Be strong, make plans for you however hard.
best wishes to you and good luck
Mx
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
All you can do is stop the bleeding, no, you don't have any money today, but, you will have even less tomorrow.
Do you have any family you can go live with? Or a friend?
This will only get worse, not better, until you stand up and say "Enough, I won't go one step further".
Formulate a plan, to get the heck out of there.
Do you have any family you can go live with? Or a friend?
This will only get worse, not better, until you stand up and say "Enough, I won't go one step further".
Formulate a plan, to get the heck out of there.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
So when is enough, enough?
When will you make a move?
Listen I lost everything.
Money, job, the marriage, friends and the list goes on. I made it through though.
What do you say about grabbing the one thing you can save and getting out of there?
Oh yeah, that one thing is your dignity.
When will you make a move?
Listen I lost everything.
Money, job, the marriage, friends and the list goes on. I made it through though.
What do you say about grabbing the one thing you can save and getting out of there?
Oh yeah, that one thing is your dignity.
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