refridgerator full of beer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
refridgerator full of beer
First - thank you to the people here. When I feel tempted to say or do something I will regret, when I don't know where to go or what to do, sometimes I come here and quietly read. I am sure there are many like me. You help far more people than you may realize.
Well, my A went to town yesterday and now my fridge is full of beer, beer in every nook and cranny. I see 2-3 bad days in my future.
He's a good guy mostly, even when he is drunk he is mostly a good guy but when he drinks, he drinks until it is gone. He drinks at home. We don't go anywhere together anymore because he wants to stay home and drink. He knows he is an A. He knows it drunk or sober, he just keeps doing it.
He used to just get drunk on his days off but now he is laid off so every day is a day off.
When he is drunk, he is really into yardwork and there is no stopping him. Several times I have had to take my drunk husband to the ER after yardwork. One time he fell into the pond when he was mowing. The mower hasn't been right since. He enjoys sitting on the porch and playing the radio very loud. And he visits the neighbors and won't leave. Sometimes I know he is still out there and I just go to bed anyway. I am kind of afraid to do that, he might fall and lie there hurt and I wouldn't know it for hours - but sometimes I just go to bed anyway. It is late and frankly I don't look forward to his company at those times. I know I am not supposed to be embarrassed but I still am.
Usually he is funny and social but there is a point where he can turn nasty and critical. This is about once a week. As soon as the negativity starts I just quit responding to whatever he says, that saves a fight. I find somewhere to go, sometimes it is here at the forum. Most of the time this works but not always.
Another problem is sex. When he is drunkest he is most inclined and of course that is a big waste of time. If I say no, he continues to pester me, grab me when I walk by, all that stuff. If I say yes, well, not very rewarding for either of us and he doesn't want to quit, he wants to keep trying, it is not fun. When I quit anyway, he says I guess we have been married too long, you just aren't sexy anymore, things like that. I say that is not the problem, you are drunk, that is the problem. Any suggestions of how you handle this are especially appreciated.
We talk about some of these situations when he is sober, he agrees. But then he gets drunk and it is all the same.
My biggest concern is for his health, both wearing out his body and the potential for accidents. I am also worried that he will start a fire or something.
I have no intention of leaving. I am just trying to learn how to live as happily as possible under the present circumstances.
Well, my A went to town yesterday and now my fridge is full of beer, beer in every nook and cranny. I see 2-3 bad days in my future.
He's a good guy mostly, even when he is drunk he is mostly a good guy but when he drinks, he drinks until it is gone. He drinks at home. We don't go anywhere together anymore because he wants to stay home and drink. He knows he is an A. He knows it drunk or sober, he just keeps doing it.
He used to just get drunk on his days off but now he is laid off so every day is a day off.
When he is drunk, he is really into yardwork and there is no stopping him. Several times I have had to take my drunk husband to the ER after yardwork. One time he fell into the pond when he was mowing. The mower hasn't been right since. He enjoys sitting on the porch and playing the radio very loud. And he visits the neighbors and won't leave. Sometimes I know he is still out there and I just go to bed anyway. I am kind of afraid to do that, he might fall and lie there hurt and I wouldn't know it for hours - but sometimes I just go to bed anyway. It is late and frankly I don't look forward to his company at those times. I know I am not supposed to be embarrassed but I still am.
Usually he is funny and social but there is a point where he can turn nasty and critical. This is about once a week. As soon as the negativity starts I just quit responding to whatever he says, that saves a fight. I find somewhere to go, sometimes it is here at the forum. Most of the time this works but not always.
Another problem is sex. When he is drunkest he is most inclined and of course that is a big waste of time. If I say no, he continues to pester me, grab me when I walk by, all that stuff. If I say yes, well, not very rewarding for either of us and he doesn't want to quit, he wants to keep trying, it is not fun. When I quit anyway, he says I guess we have been married too long, you just aren't sexy anymore, things like that. I say that is not the problem, you are drunk, that is the problem. Any suggestions of how you handle this are especially appreciated.
We talk about some of these situations when he is sober, he agrees. But then he gets drunk and it is all the same.
My biggest concern is for his health, both wearing out his body and the potential for accidents. I am also worried that he will start a fire or something.
I have no intention of leaving. I am just trying to learn how to live as happily as possible under the present circumstances.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome Countrygirl,
You post made me chuckle. Ward cut toes off with a mower...what is all that about???
I am glad you have found us. I joke about a case of beer that has followed me everywhere I have ever lived. Now it is vodka, which takes up less space but does more damage.
You husband sounds like a real fun guy...in his own mind!
Pull up a chair and make yourself at home. I look forward to getting to know you!
Hugs,
JT
You post made me chuckle. Ward cut toes off with a mower...what is all that about???
I am glad you have found us. I joke about a case of beer that has followed me everywhere I have ever lived. Now it is vodka, which takes up less space but does more damage.
You husband sounds like a real fun guy...in his own mind!
Pull up a chair and make yourself at home. I look forward to getting to know you!
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
(((((Countrygirl))))))
I hear you sister! Squinty is a worker, and if he doesn't have some other project in the way of construction or fixing a vehicle, he is working on yard, which is his second love next to alcohol. Right now he's working on replacing our porches, so it is particularly scary--I'm afraid he's going to cut his arm off, or something.
Last summer, he was out on a tractor, dragging a big mower, since we just bought more acres (he wants a bigger yard). He must have fallen off the tractor, and then had to run and chase it. It had driven up on a pile of junk, and he must have caught up with it about then. He shut it off then and there and left it--that's how my son and I found it. Then next morning, I don't think he had any remembrance of it. He was puzzled.
As far as the sex goes, when he comes in drunk, I pretend I'm asleep in my recliner to avoid a confrontation. We are at the point where he knows he can't always perform, and is embarrassed by it, so he always waits for me to come to him now. Of course it's always when he's sober! But it was a struggle for a time, and I know where you are coming from!
But then, we always have a lot of strife, because mine is not fun and sociable when he's drunk. He's mean and nasty, and cutting. So I just stay away during that time.
Lyn
Last summer, he was out on a tractor, dragging a big mower, since we just bought more acres (he wants a bigger yard). He must have fallen off the tractor, and then had to run and chase it. It had driven up on a pile of junk, and he must have caught up with it about then. He shut it off then and there and left it--that's how my son and I found it. Then next morning, I don't think he had any remembrance of it. He was puzzled.
As far as the sex goes, when he comes in drunk, I pretend I'm asleep in my recliner to avoid a confrontation. We are at the point where he knows he can't always perform, and is embarrassed by it, so he always waits for me to come to him now. Of course it's always when he's sober! But it was a struggle for a time, and I know where you are coming from!
But then, we always have a lot of strife, because mine is not fun and sociable when he's drunk. He's mean and nasty, and cutting. So I just stay away during that time.
Lyn
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Reading, PA
Posts: 24
I can fully relate to everything you have said.
My husbend is a binge drinker and is the same way. I am still embarrassed sometimes and quite concerned for his safety, falling into the bathtub, drowing in the bathtub, cracking his head open, all that fun stuff.
The sex part too, when he is drunk that is all he wants to do, I sometimes give in(nore often then I should), but usually go into another room until he gets tired of following me and passes out.
I get so annoyed at the loud radio, sitting on the porch, wanting to go shopping with me that he just totally ticks me off, and I wait until he passes out, usually try to get him inside before he does this, because sometimes, I am just ashamed and embarrassed, not by him but by his actions.
I love my husbend to death and I think he is a wonderful man, a wonderful man with an addiction.
I have only been coming on this site for about a month now, and the changes I have decided to make for myself with the help of these wonderful supporting people has been very exciting for me.
I have learned to do what I want to do and to stop thinking about what he wants to do first.
Sometimes when I think about all the stupid things he has done, I laugh, it's not really funny, but it takes the edge off
Steph
My husbend is a binge drinker and is the same way. I am still embarrassed sometimes and quite concerned for his safety, falling into the bathtub, drowing in the bathtub, cracking his head open, all that fun stuff.
The sex part too, when he is drunk that is all he wants to do, I sometimes give in(nore often then I should), but usually go into another room until he gets tired of following me and passes out.
I get so annoyed at the loud radio, sitting on the porch, wanting to go shopping with me that he just totally ticks me off, and I wait until he passes out, usually try to get him inside before he does this, because sometimes, I am just ashamed and embarrassed, not by him but by his actions.
I love my husbend to death and I think he is a wonderful man, a wonderful man with an addiction.
I have only been coming on this site for about a month now, and the changes I have decided to make for myself with the help of these wonderful supporting people has been very exciting for me.
I have learned to do what I want to do and to stop thinking about what he wants to do first.
Sometimes when I think about all the stupid things he has done, I laugh, it's not really funny, but it takes the edge off
Steph
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Hey countrygirl!
Are we married to the same dude?
I couldn't have written that better myself. I live your life and I feel your embarrassment as well. My husband is famous for starting on "Projects" when his hitting the bottle. The other night I went tanning and when I came home my fridge was in the middle of the floor
one kitchen cabinet was off the hinge, the washing machine was pulled out, and my computer desk had stacks of books all over it! He was spraying for spiders! At 9:30 at night. It was a wreck! Last year he started fixing our bathroom floor because we had a pipe leak and one year later is isn't quite complete
Luckily we have more than one bathroom. He also loves to visit the neighbors to show them how stupid he is when he is drunk!They must LOVE that!
As far as sex goes....well, I think we all at some point or another have experienced that one. My husband is like the total turn off when he's drinking and I wouldn't go there no matter how much he insults me. I just tell him that if he keeps right on his thing may fall off before he gets it again
I'm glad that you found us. You aren't alone. Sometimes you have to let things be. We can't make people act the way we want them to. It sucks but its reality.
Welcome to the forum and please keep posting!
2many2count
Are we married to the same dude?
I couldn't have written that better myself. I live your life and I feel your embarrassment as well. My husband is famous for starting on "Projects" when his hitting the bottle. The other night I went tanning and when I came home my fridge was in the middle of the floor
one kitchen cabinet was off the hinge, the washing machine was pulled out, and my computer desk had stacks of books all over it! He was spraying for spiders! At 9:30 at night. It was a wreck! Last year he started fixing our bathroom floor because we had a pipe leak and one year later is isn't quite complete Luckily we have more than one bathroom. He also loves to visit the neighbors to show them how stupid he is when he is drunk!They must LOVE that!As far as sex goes....well, I think we all at some point or another have experienced that one. My husband is like the total turn off when he's drinking and I wouldn't go there no matter how much he insults me. I just tell him that if he keeps right on his thing may fall off before he gets it again
I'm glad that you found us. You aren't alone. Sometimes you have to let things be. We can't make people act the way we want them to. It sucks but its reality.
Welcome to the forum and please keep posting!
2many2count
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
burning stuff up now
You all make me laugh, big time, over and over. Amazing. Thank you so much for telling me. Thank you for the welcome, too. I have been around a while, I just haven't written before. You do help me to keep calm. I know there are lots of A's but I didn't know there were so many busy little beaver drunks.
One time he was "fixing" the flagpole. He came up to the house with a rusty nail all the way through his finger plus 4 ft board still attached to the nail. Took him to the hospital and he asked them, "Can you remove this board from my finger?'
One time he got drunk and went to buying things on eBay. I did try to stop him on that one and we had a big fight. He continued buying and ran up a $600 tab. Plus I was mad at him. I must say, even he was appalled the morning after and never did it again. Even took a couple of days off from drinking.
You should see him dance in the kitchen and try to do a rap song. We are in our 50s and live in Iowa, he is hilarious trying to rap.
(Ooo, he just peeked into the window and made little barking noises at me and smiled.)
So far, not too bad. Finished his coffee, started his beer. He's been sawing limbs off trees and trying to burn them in a bonfire. They are green and won't burn so he started looking all over the house for things to throw in the fire. Can I burn this? NO. Can I burn this? I gave him the garbage and some stuff I could live without. I saw him carry down a whole bag of charcoal. I saw him slipping down there with other stuff, too, he gave me a "getting ready to be surly" look if I spoiled his fun - I didn't say anything (didn't care about that particular stuff) so he was happy again. He is having a grand ole time and so proud of himself.
He is slowing down now, less throwing our stuff in the fire, more sitting on the porch and drinking beer faster. Now it is coming to the difficult time. It won't last so long ... a few hours. All day isn't bad, only the ending is bad. I will try to be smart about it.
One good thing (if that can be said) about "cornflakes in a can", he starts early, he finishes up early. If I can get him to eat he will fall asleep on the couch. Then I will make sure the fire is out, watch what I want on TV and I can quit worrying until tomorrow.
It is so good to talk about these things. It is sooooooo good to be able to talk about it.
One time he was "fixing" the flagpole. He came up to the house with a rusty nail all the way through his finger plus 4 ft board still attached to the nail. Took him to the hospital and he asked them, "Can you remove this board from my finger?'
One time he got drunk and went to buying things on eBay. I did try to stop him on that one and we had a big fight. He continued buying and ran up a $600 tab. Plus I was mad at him. I must say, even he was appalled the morning after and never did it again. Even took a couple of days off from drinking.
You should see him dance in the kitchen and try to do a rap song. We are in our 50s and live in Iowa, he is hilarious trying to rap.
(Ooo, he just peeked into the window and made little barking noises at me and smiled.)
So far, not too bad. Finished his coffee, started his beer. He's been sawing limbs off trees and trying to burn them in a bonfire. They are green and won't burn so he started looking all over the house for things to throw in the fire. Can I burn this? NO. Can I burn this? I gave him the garbage and some stuff I could live without. I saw him carry down a whole bag of charcoal. I saw him slipping down there with other stuff, too, he gave me a "getting ready to be surly" look if I spoiled his fun - I didn't say anything (didn't care about that particular stuff) so he was happy again. He is having a grand ole time and so proud of himself.
He is slowing down now, less throwing our stuff in the fire, more sitting on the porch and drinking beer faster. Now it is coming to the difficult time. It won't last so long ... a few hours. All day isn't bad, only the ending is bad. I will try to be smart about it.
One good thing (if that can be said) about "cornflakes in a can", he starts early, he finishes up early. If I can get him to eat he will fall asleep on the couch. Then I will make sure the fire is out, watch what I want on TV and I can quit worrying until tomorrow.
It is so good to talk about these things. It is sooooooo good to be able to talk about it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hi countrygirl and welcome!
My husband turns the chainsaw on and cuts wood in his sandels when he is drunk in the winter. Not always the sandels anymore because I told him he might cut his foot off. Why can't he cut the wood sober? I am so glad that it is warmer now! One day and luckily I was off and at home he was going to B-B-Que and he walks through the kitchen with a gas can. I asked him where he was going with it and he said that he was going to start the fire with it because he was out of lighter fluid. I told him NO WAY and to use rubbing alcohol instead. Crazy thinkers!! Non-Thinkers more like it. We can't help but worry because of the way they think and act. God was there to help because I was at home that night. They must have Guardian Angels watching over them for sure!!
Take care and keep coming back!
matters
My husband turns the chainsaw on and cuts wood in his sandels when he is drunk in the winter. Not always the sandels anymore because I told him he might cut his foot off. Why can't he cut the wood sober? I am so glad that it is warmer now! One day and luckily I was off and at home he was going to B-B-Que and he walks through the kitchen with a gas can. I asked him where he was going with it and he said that he was going to start the fire with it because he was out of lighter fluid. I told him NO WAY and to use rubbing alcohol instead. Crazy thinkers!! Non-Thinkers more like it. We can't help but worry because of the way they think and act. God was there to help because I was at home that night. They must have Guardian Angels watching over them for sure!!
Take care and keep coming back!
matters
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Countrygirl!
Sorry I missed out on the welcome.....you will find that I am usually late. I must be in a very different time Zone or just log in at weird times.....anyway glad to meet ya!
Love those bond fires! I had to laugh when you said he comes in looking for things to burn. My hubby has done that MANY times. It used to be a regular event on the weekends....don't know why he got away from it.....maybe because he is in the fire protection business
The sex thing I finally have drawn my boundary lines with: ya don't get none if you been hitting the sauce!! And he has quit trying. Of course it wasn't easy getting there......many nights of sleeping on the sofa.....feeding him as you said (it does work) or being really busy doing SOMETHING until he passed out!
Constant
Sorry I missed out on the welcome.....you will find that I am usually late. I must be in a very different time Zone or just log in at weird times.....anyway glad to meet ya!
Love those bond fires! I had to laugh when you said he comes in looking for things to burn. My hubby has done that MANY times. It used to be a regular event on the weekends....don't know why he got away from it.....maybe because he is in the fire protection business
The sex thing I finally have drawn my boundary lines with: ya don't get none if you been hitting the sauce!! And he has quit trying. Of course it wasn't easy getting there......many nights of sleeping on the sofa.....feeding him as you said (it does work) or being really busy doing SOMETHING until he passed out!
Constant
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Ok this has become fun!
Ward almost burned down out first house! He decided to deep fry fish and I was bowling. When I got home he was asleep on the floor (he had rolled to the floor because the air was clearer). The house was full of smoke. I yelled, in fear, and he woke up and ran to the kitchen and threw the fish and the oil in the sink, catching the curtains on fire!
Then I thought a microwave was a good thing until he set it at 15 minutes instead of 15 seconds. We had THE TALK after that and it hasn't happened since.
And yes, he was mowing (sorry Deb) and slipped the mower over his foot! He laid there begging for help and I though he was kidding. Well he wasn't.
Chain Saws? We were taking a tree down and he had a bunch of buddies (also with chain saws) over and they hadn't murdered this tree before nightfall and they were out there with their saws, in the dark, under car headlights trying to finish the job. Lot's of coolers! I kicked them all out! OMG! NO ONE has that much homeowners insurance!!
Memories!!
JT
Ward almost burned down out first house! He decided to deep fry fish and I was bowling. When I got home he was asleep on the floor (he had rolled to the floor because the air was clearer). The house was full of smoke. I yelled, in fear, and he woke up and ran to the kitchen and threw the fish and the oil in the sink, catching the curtains on fire!
Then I thought a microwave was a good thing until he set it at 15 minutes instead of 15 seconds. We had THE TALK after that and it hasn't happened since.
And yes, he was mowing (sorry Deb) and slipped the mower over his foot! He laid there begging for help and I though he was kidding. Well he wasn't.
Chain Saws? We were taking a tree down and he had a bunch of buddies (also with chain saws) over and they hadn't murdered this tree before nightfall and they were out there with their saws, in the dark, under car headlights trying to finish the job. Lot's of coolers! I kicked them all out! OMG! NO ONE has that much homeowners insurance!!
Memories!!
JT
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
OMG! I think we have twin husbands--Countrygirl! 2 weeks ago, Squinty decided to buy a Corvette on e-Bay! He was up to over $15,000.00! We don't have that kind of money laying around the house! Thank the Lord he never reached the reserve! He never mentioned it again the next morning. Whew!
He's been purchasing a lot of huge properties lately. He asked me why I don't trust him to do this--I said it's because of the small things that I don't trust him on the big things. I told him as long as he was making an intelligent, educated, decision, based on logic instead of emotions, I could stand behind him. But buying a Corvette, sight unseen (surely he couldn't see straight that night), from e-Bay for money we didn't have, I would not stand behind. He was pretty sheepish, to say the least.
Lyn
He's been purchasing a lot of huge properties lately. He asked me why I don't trust him to do this--I said it's because of the small things that I don't trust him on the big things. I told him as long as he was making an intelligent, educated, decision, based on logic instead of emotions, I could stand behind him. But buying a Corvette, sight unseen (surely he couldn't see straight that night), from e-Bay for money we didn't have, I would not stand behind. He was pretty sheepish, to say the least.
Lyn
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
My husband used to love o do yardwork.......Donuts in the back yard with the truck. YEEEEEHAW! He thought he was on a dirt track or something! The last time he pulled tha stunt he slid into the tree and messed the truck up . Didn't know how that happened the next morning.
2many2count
2many2count
The lawn mower 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Tigress..... I know what you mean! Put a drunks hands on something and it will surely tear up! If something major needs to be done then I usually try to do it myself Saves time and money!
2many2count
Saves time and money!2many2count
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 102
Night 3
Me again, night 3. My husband is drunk for 3 days. I was hopeful we were about to run out of beer but someone came by and my husband sent for more beer. Enough for a couple more days, unless somebody else delivers it for him and I wouldn't doubt it .... No big trouble, lots of little troubles. It hasn't been "bad" but it is tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop, what is going to happen, when it going to frigging stop.
He didn't do much yardwork today, more sitting around talking about doing yardwork and more drinking, more complaining, more grouchy, dissatisfied with everything. What a way to live! For him and for me. I staying busy but I can't go so far as saying I am happy. Tense. I have soft music on. I guess I better go read sticky notes. And then to bed, on the couch as I don't want to be that close to him right now. Plus he smells badly of stale beer.
I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about him like this. Growing up - I was trained that one never tells the "family secrets." How convenient for the people who were doing bad things, eh? They get to do whatever they want but if you tell anybody, you are the bad person. But I kind of don't feel guilty this time, this is not hurting him one bit and it is helping me, maybe a little, maybe a lot. Who knows.
'Night all. I wish you peace and pleasant dreams. Sleeping is a good thing.
He didn't do much yardwork today, more sitting around talking about doing yardwork and more drinking, more complaining, more grouchy, dissatisfied with everything. What a way to live! For him and for me. I staying busy but I can't go so far as saying I am happy. Tense. I have soft music on. I guess I better go read sticky notes. And then to bed, on the couch as I don't want to be that close to him right now. Plus he smells badly of stale beer.
I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about him like this. Growing up - I was trained that one never tells the "family secrets." How convenient for the people who were doing bad things, eh? They get to do whatever they want but if you tell anybody, you are the bad person. But I kind of don't feel guilty this time, this is not hurting him one bit and it is helping me, maybe a little, maybe a lot. Who knows.
'Night all. I wish you peace and pleasant dreams. Sleeping is a good thing.
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