respektingme

Funny how we all mention smell. Smell is pretty important to me. AH smells like battery acid when he's been drinking. I can't even imagine being in bed with a good-smelling man. I bet my AH never even thinks about what he smells like. Probably just an incidental he never gives any thought to.

At the moment, the smell of clean sheets brings me pure bliss. Maybe I'll smell more sometime in my life

TexasGirl

I can't fathom why I chose to live with it. Why would I do that?? I always thought it was gross, but I never took it any further. He was doing this before we married, although not so much. It had increased to about 3 times a week on the couch. I just don't understand my part...

denny57

For me, any of the "why did I stay" comes down to something pretty simple. I let the sporadic good times cancel out the bad. Those flashes of good gave me hope; fueled my dream. Waking up to what is/was and creating a better life for myself has been the nicest thing I've ever done for ME.

hopeangel

for anyone that is considering marrying or moving in with an alcoholic - please PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS!

funny thing for me was, when i would spend the night at ah's apartment before we moved in or got married i ALWAYS wondered why his mattress smelled like pee and there were huge yellow stains? - humm, dah?! i asked him why his mattress smelled like pee at the time and he would say he didn't know. naive me thought that maybe he had an animal before that peed on it or it was like that when he got it. i NEVER even imagined that when i wasn't there (they hide it ) he was peeing the mattress. oh, another clue - he was ALWAYS washing sheets.

OMG!

hopeangel

Glassprisoner - you sure do understand the alkie thought process and state it so clearly -wow! you should have seen how proud ah was of himself when he came up with the plastic chair - he was soo proud of himself for having the problem all solved.

"Just imagine a naked alkie, all except for an adult diaper. Sitting on the easy chair, beer in hand and smiling like he's got it all figured out. "Yup, used 'ta **** mahself, but now I wear the deepends !" *knocks beer back*

But for the Grace of God......"

Mr. Christian

Ok I’ve read through all this and I can not hold back.

What are you crazy?

This is another stupid filthy action that some people are just able to put up with .

Good lord!

I guess there comes a time when we need to figure out who is really the sick one.
I know I looked back at this and my wife and said never again.
I respect myself way too much.
Hey why not let the family dog take a leak on us during dinner, might as well.
Same thing.

an'ka

THANK YOU, Mr. Christian!! OH MY GOD, I literally feel sick to my stomach reading all this! I cannot believe there is actually a discussion about Depends and yellow couches! This is so appaling. Why? Why? Why would anybody live with this type of behavior? I am sorry, going back to Minnie's post about non-negotiables--this is definitely one for me.

lostnfound1961

Depends??? Well they now have pads for men. They are cupped but pads just the same. In the commercial I saw, it shows a biker and he was happy they now had the pads because it helped stop embarrasing leaks without having to wear a diper.

OMG, what has the world come to? LOL

ARealLady

Well, Depends and similar products DO serve a purpose for older people who suffer from incontinence and/or "leakage". I don't think they were designed with alcoholics in mind.

I am grateful that this thread was started because it has shown me I was NOT wrong when I gave STBXABF hell for wetting the bed. I was disgusted. It only ever happened once that I know of with me.

But it makes me wonder if, yet again, he was telling the truth when he blamed his teenage son for wetting the futon. From what I have been reading here it could well have been the BF.

One more good reason NOT to have him in my life. I don't DO toilet-training any more unless I am housebreaking a dog....MY choice!

ARL

an'ka

Thanks for the chuckle re: toilet training! That's hilarious

TexasGirl

It's strange what happens when things start to sneak up on you. I adapted instead of making a major change. Adaptation was an easier solution in that particular moment. We are all on our own timetables, and I lived with it until I personally could not anymore. I am already hard enough on myself for my decisions.

FormerDoormat

"Hey why not let the family dog take a leak on us during dinner, might as well.
Same thing."

Good point, Mr. C. And speaking of dogs, if your dog repeatedly peed on your bed and on your sofa and lifted his leg hap-hazardly around your house, he'd be history. Yet, this is somehow acceptable when your husband does the same. If this is unacceptable behavior for the family dog, it is even less acceptable when the culprit is a human.

So what you have today is an alcoholic partner who drinks his life away, lies about his drinking (and probably LOTS more), takes advantage of you by placing all his responsibilities on your shoulders and does nothing for you in return, is emotionally and probably physically absent, most likely verbally abuses and/or physically abuses you, and on top of that he pees all over the house. So, what exactly do you get out of this relationship other than a feeling of superiority over this wreck of a man and someone to control? As Dr. Phil asks, "how's that working for ya?"

You won't find the solution you seek by covering the furniture with plastic or purchasing him Depends. You'll find the solution within yourself. What worked for most of us on this forum:

Alanon, counseling, SoberRecovery, regaining our self-esteem and self-respect, and learning all you can about addiction and co-dependency.

embraced2000

my xh never peed on me....well, at least in the bedroom he never peed on me...in other ways he sure did, tho.

i remember when i was preggers, i would pee the bed sometimes....it was extremely embarrassing, and i swear i didn't know i was doing it when it happened. thank god, my first hubs was a gentle soul that was very understanding.

i've never had any experience with a bed-wetting hubs.....so i have nothing to share on that one.

i can say that if my xah also peed the bed, in addition to all the other chaos that was in my life, i would have never suggested depends because then i could "depend" on a good rant and rage from hell, along with another excuse for a big ole drinking binge.

they pee cause they are drunk. i doubt very seriously that they intend to do this. who knows. but i really, really believe that if they weren't drinking, it would not happen.

what to do? only you know what you are willing to do. if i choose to stay in the relationship, i will have to accept that i will be peed on, or sleep in different beds, or make other choices like making major changes in my living arrangements with ah.

alcoholism is progressive. this will not get any better with time, unless he is willing to make the changes. so the decision maker is ourselves and what kind of life we want to carve out for ourselves.

good luck, hun
jeri

GlassPrisoner

That's because I am one ! (recovering)

WOW, I was,like..... kidding !!!! Someone's actually done that ? Doesn't really surprise me though, I guess.

kglast

my XAF never peed the bed but did pee in the corner of our hotel room once thinking he was in the bathroom. NICE

mallowcup

The incontinence is one thing that implies he's sleeping through the sensations that would motivate him to get up and go tot he bathroom or his kidneys are shot. Mental illness enters into when he has no embarrassment about it, no desire to stop it and has no consideration for the filth he's willing to lay in.
He obviously expects you to launder his secrets. A person who lays in his own excrement, who is able to get up, is in need of a diaper and perhaps placement into a facility wher a staff can keep him clean and dry.

Hanginon

my ah walked in to our daughters room one night, whipped it out and peed all over her. I had followed him and saw the whole thing. After he was done, I cleaned her up changed bedding and pj's and put her back to bed. She was only like 3-4 at the time, so didn't really wakeup.
Next morning she asks at breakfast, "Daddy, why did you pee on me last night?"
His jaw hit the ground so hard.
I ran from the room to keep from busting out laughing.
Well now thankfully he is 11 weeks sober.
Took a long time to get there but he is doing it.

BigGirlPanties

I just have to say......


this is most hysterical thread title I have ever seen!!!

"peeing"


perfect.....just perfect!

GlassPrisoner

BigGirlPanties posting in a thread titeld peeing, about incontinence , is pretty good too......

sb0804

Amen Anvil Amen. It used to be hard for me to let the rescuer in me go but I have successfully done it thanks to my meetings.

Ah yes peeing themselves one of the wonderful things about living with an A. One night about 3 months ago I am sleeping soundly and I hear this loud thud. I jump out of bed to see what was up and there is my AW in our walk in closet with her pants down around her knees peeing. Oh and it gets worse. She falls over on her back laughing (still peeing) and lays there laughing for about 15 minutes before she passes out. I resisted the urge to rescue her and get her changed like I used to, so instead I get the carpet scrubber, cleaner, put it in the closeand left a note that said: "The dog didnt do it this time and I will no longer clean it up" and left it at that.