redbear

I can always tell when he is on the way out the door to go drinking, if he is having cravings, or he sucessed sneaking off drinking and now he is hung over. His mood changes and trys to pick a fight or plays this I can't be bothered with you attitude. I'm trying my best to detach from the sitution but I still feel it...is the only way to detach...is it to walk away completely. I'm sick in tired of being sick in tired.

minnie

Does he think you're stupid? I doubt it. Does he hope you are? Probably.

When i got sick and tired, I took action. Counselling, al-anon, lots of reading.

Mair

Hi redbear i could always tell when a binge was on its way, before he did i'm sure. it doesnt matter what you do you still hve a sick feeling in your stomach, but what i started to do was think of something nice to do like go to the beach or go to the cinema before he went drinking i had a plan that he knew nothing about i had a nice plan for ME, so when he'd storm out for a drink i'd get my bag and do something nice. try it it worked for me. i left my ab two weeks ago it's been hard but it's getting better, day by day.

You deserve better redbear x

Mair x

cagefree

His rotten behaviour is his way of taking attention away from the situation, the lie.

Do they lie because they think they can get away with it? They hope they can. If I could prove without a doubt that my XABF was drinking at a certain time...he'd still lie anyway. He lies - though I am starting to think that with my ex in particular, even if he wasn't an alcoholic, he'd still be a big-time liar.

Sav

I hate to say it, but he probably just doesn't care. He's got a goal, and everythnig else is a distraction. He doesn't believe or not believe the lies, it's just a way of fast tracking himself out the door to get to what he needs.

As long as he's got the problem, there's no point in even dealing with the lying. Or him, for that matter.

prodigal

Amen to that, Sav! Forget dealing with him in any way, shape, or form - unless you want a one-way ticket into the funny farm. I'm sure there are those successful people who can detach and live with an active addict, but in my experience I've only known one or two. Most of us go out the door and make sure it doesn't hit us in the caboose as we leave.

When enough is enough and we are REALLY sick and tired of being sick and tired, we leave. Some leave and go back a number of times. Some just hit the ground running. You'll know when, and if, you're ready.

StandingStrong

Well redbear - my (now) xah once told me that he was always thinking of drinking. He could come up with any reason to drink - whether it was happy, sad, stressful, etc. It didn't matter. When he wanted to drink - he did. Regardless of how it made me feel, regardless of the consequences, etc.
As another member said - I too, could tell when the binges were coming - usually before he even admitted to it himself.

I played the game for far too long - and I was one of those that wallowed in that pit, going back and forth - then going half back and forth, etc. It was pure H*LL!!!

Is it possible to detach from the A? Yes, for some, I believe it is. There are members here that have done so as well as people in everyday life. For me - I couldn't do it. That wasn't the relationship that I wanted for the rest of my life. And finally I just got too tired to play the game anymore.

Have you read up on boundaries yet? These are for YOU - and not for the A. You might want to look into those and work on that aspect.

You'll know when you're finally sick and tired of it enough. Imagine - he may never change - is this the way you wish to live your life? Do you want to compromise your hopes and dreams and detach from the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with? There are many questions that I found I had to ask myself - the answers came easy - but it was the actions part and the learning part and mostly the acceptance part that was the hardest.

Hang in there and take care of YOU!