planet

Sorry I keep posting.... all the time. This is a great place to get feedback, advice, and support... Well the beer is still in the fridge if you read my prevoius post. And as most of you said I left it there. Now he tested it last night bringing out his beer mug which he doesnt ever use. So that was a way to see where I stood on his one day soberity. If you can call it that. I just told him I thought he wasn't drinking. His response was oh I thought you wanted me to cut back not quit. I said well one day isn't cutting back and I gave you the option of cutting back many times before now and you took advantage of me. Now I am telling you I want an improved life and if you want to continue to live in this house with your wife and kids I suggust you QUIT. So he didn't drink. I know today is going to be harder than yesterday. I keep asking him how he feels, asking is there is anything I can do to help... But I am not sure if I am remonding him of the fact that he is not drinking... We cooked out, have a bon fire and he didn't drink but he said he was HARD. He bought a milkshake because he needed sugar and commented on how it cost as much as a 40oz beer. I said well if you would just drink 1 40oz then it wouldn't be an issue but you drink normally 4. I know he is just sitting there thinking of it all day. What a sad sad disease. But I feel better because I am going to follow through if he gives in to this. I know he needs extensive help and I hope he realizes that soon.

baggervance

He is reaching out for help in only way he knows how when he is talking about beer or comparing cost of it.The beer mug was a limit testing thing.They got some great recovery in nashville.See if he would go to a meeting. One is the back room group there.If you call someone in AA they will come talk to him.

WantsOut

hi Planet - I'm in no mood for alky BS anymore. Never again. So here's my opinion: He's a drama queen who is a million miles away from recovery. "Oh it was so hard not to drink! Oh this milkshake would make a great beer! Reward me for being a normal man for one day!"

He's full of bargains and other assorted quacking which are just defenses against actual sobriety.

You can't control him. You can control you and you are taking steps toward your own recovery just by posting here. Good for you! Now what else are you going to do to take care of you?

denny57

I don't think it's about reaching out for help, though I do think it's about reaching out for reassurance that it is ok to drink. Two different things.

baggervance

JMHO but I did same thing it's all I knew.I wanted help but didn't know who to turn to.

minnie

After some very painful micro-management of my ex's drinking and (supposed) recovery, I learnt that I had mis-placed my focus if I wanted peace and serenity in my life.

He did what he did and he had every right to do so. It was much easier for me to make decisions when I just let him be himsel, set my boundaries and made my decisions accordingly. I had a life to live and that did not include babying my partner! I can decide what kind of behaviours are acceptable to me and what role people play in my life. The day I decided that I would not let alcohol dictate my life was the day I launched my bid for a happy life. That boundary was set when I had not yet made up my mind to leave, however it made a massive difference in my day to day life until I did.