respektingme

AH has been in intensive rehab for 3 weeks. I went to visit my dad for 2 says. I came home and he had been drinking. I asked if he planned to keep drinking tonight. He said he didn't want me to leave, but didn't know if he could stop. So I told him I was leaving. He told me to come with him to get the booze. He was going to get rid of it. He got it and then started swigging it right in front of me. I got my stuff, rounded up the kids and went to a nice hotel. They spent this evening swimming and having fun with some other kids. We're going to get some dinner and then have a peaceful night while my AH sits at home, crying in his bottle, slobbering all over himself, eyes glazed over, unable to get out more than a slight grunt of a one syllable word. WE are having a relaxing evening.

Barbara, you inspired me woman!!!! I had to have some of the peace you've been having. I set a boundary. I don't know what's going to happen in the future (although I have a pretty good idea where this is headed), but tonight, his drinking IS NOT my burden. Hallllllelujiah!!! I feel like having a drink myself to celebrate!!!! just kidding, fortunately I don't use booze to symballize anything. If I drink, it's because I feel like it. I don't understand any other way of thinking, although I'm trying to remember Al-Anon and not worry about it. I left my dang Al-Anon books at the house. Would have made for some great reading tonight. Maybe I'll read the stickies here.

ladyjane

Good for you!!!! Have a great time!
_____________
Trish

prodigal

I'm very glad you put a boundary in place and left him to his own devices. So let him sit there on his pitty-pot. Enjoy yourself - you made a very wise choice.

It doesn't sound like your AH's rehab was intensive enough for him. It's really a tragedy, but his craving is overwhelming his ability to function rationally. When it gets that crazy, the only thing you can really do to protect yourself and your kids is to get outta there.

I've gone through this detox/rehab "thing" three times with my AH. The third one was "the charm" and he ended up in jail 16 days after he was released. So much for seriously seeking sobriety ....

When we're faced with such situations, all we can do is seriously seek our own SANITY. Hang in there - you sound like you're in an emotionally healthy place.

respektingme

Thanks you guys. AH did get a sponsor last week. His sponsor went on vacation to California. I told him to call his sponsor today. He told me his sponsor is on vacation. I know his sponspor told him he could still call him because I heard AH's end of the conversation last week when they were talking about it. So, AH is using this as an excuse not to call. He said tonight that he was really not looking forward to going to rehab Monday night and having to say he only had 1 day of sobriety. Ohhh, boohoo. I told him to just lie. He said, "What? Lie? I would never lie to those guys. Why would you tell me to lie?" I said, "That's what alcoholics do. They lie, cheat and steal to get whatever they want." Oh, he seemed wounded. I told him to imagine that I had a problem screwing another man. And imagine that he just realized that in addition to me screwing another man all these years, I was also screwing him all the times that AH even suspected I was. And imagine that I just paid $3k to stop myself from screwing him, but accidently slipped and screwed him this morning. I didn't sign up for this when I got married, the lying, the control, the games, the manipulation, the attacking my self-esteem as if it were just a ball to kick out of the way towards another drink. And I do equate his drinking to me screwing another man. It's a deviation from our vows. I know it's a disease. But I also know people who work AA and don't just show up for appearances. He's not serious about quitting. He admitted before rehab that he never had a problem quitting before while in AA, because he always knew he'd start again. Well, he just did it again. He has never really stopped.

I guess I'll take a wait and see approach. If he jumps back into rehab and at least tries, I'll see what I can live with. But if this is just another show, screw it. I need a life away from the chaos. My kids deserve better too. I'll be damned if I'm going to let my kids witness their father in a drooling, slobbering state every night. I may not be able to protect them all the time from it as they grow up, but I'm not going to let it happen fulltime. I was so much stronger before I met my AH. I became seriously co-dependent. I wanted to live the exec lifestyle. Screw it. We're hiding a big secret. And apparently my AH is going to eventually lose it all.

Pick-a-name

WOW...what a great idea;hotel with a pool for the kids! You sound like you did the best thing for ALL of you.

Some great reading can be found at: http://www.GettingThemSober.com (book exerpts). Stickies and that should tide you over!

You are an inspiration!

dollydo

I am glad you did what you did, great idea, a fun time for you and your children.

You are a wise woman to put your children first, I applaude you!

ARealLady

You are an inspiration not just on this board but to yourself and to your children! Well done!!

ARL

Barbara52

Thank you. If I've inspired you, please remember its only God working thru me. He has led me where I am.

What a great idea to go to a hotel for the night! Good for you and great for the kids!

Rella927

Respek Great! I feel that when those who remember their children are very important in these situations are well aware and on their way to a happy life!

Alot of people forget the children-and I know I'm one of the living proof of that!

Kudos to you!
(((Hugs))))