guineapigjude

Today the kids went for their visit with XAH. I always hate it when he takes them as there is usually some type of manipulation/drama involved. For example, my parents (the kids and I moved in with them) have been very specific to XAH that he isn't welcome on their property, that he is just supposed to pick up and drop off the kids. (X used to borrow money from them behind my back, they recently found out he was using that money for pot and that he was smoking on their property, never mind all the things his drinking did to the kids and me) Now he is tring to get the kids to take the dogs outside so he can "see' them because he misses them, putting the kids in the middle. I had to speak to him about it (I despise speaking to him, it isn't healthy and he isn't able to hear reason, anyway) and he refused to "get" that he wasn't welcome to hang around. I also found out he's been borrowing money from my 15 year old son (my son is at the stage where he's afraid if he says no dad will abandon him completely) and that he doesn't know if he'll "be able" to see the kids next weekend ~because the kids have plans all day Saturday and Sunday is his day to rest. Geesh! Then the following weekend he won't see the kids because he is going golfing on Cape Cod. This from the man that complained the court ordered child support was too much for him to afford.
But the good news is, I finally realized I don't have to be a jerk back at him. I spoke to him calmly and without emotion. I also decided to let it go with the kids. They need to feel the pain and disappointment, because it will probably be a part of their relationship with him for a long time, if not the rest of their lives.
I've decided to spend the next couple of weeks praying to my HP to help me take my detachment to the next level ~ I've let myself acknowledge that, disease or no, XAH is a self centered jerk, but treating him as such will only drag me down to his level. Maybe some day I'll get to the place where what he says and does doesn't get me worked up, just gets me to feeling sorry for him.

Barbara52

You have my empathy having to help your kids thru this. Its adds so many extra challenges. But it also sounds like you are profgressing in your ability to detach and handle it as you want to. Keep it up!

dollydo

Sounds like you have a handle on the situation, good for you!

I imagine your son will eventually say "Dad, I have no money", he is old enough to figure this out on his own.

You are doing just fine.