planet

Okay so the AH is giving up drinking(per him for the 1000 time). I laid it all on the line yesterday. And I know I should not beg and plead with an A. But I had to be honest so that when I decided to leave I had given him fair warning. Only for my sanity since he has taken that away I tend to question myself more. Here is the deal. We have beer left in the fridge. I left it there thinking he would pour it out to SHOW he was done since he said he was. He has not poured it out. We plain on grilling out today and drinking goes along with that. Should I pour it out so the he does feel the need or should I just leave it? I want to help and support.

TexasGirl

IMO, I think you should leave it. Pouring it out won't make him choose recovery any faster, right? If and when he is serious about making changes in his life, he will take the necessary steps to do so. You said yourself, this isn't the first time he said he would "quit," right? As they say, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Take care.

MsGolightly

i agree with TG. pouring it out yourself won't make him stop drinking any more quickly.

if he wants to prove to you that he's done, he will.

dollydo

Just leave it alone, he is an adult, not a minor child. It is his decision to drink or not to drink.

If he ever reaches the point where he decides to quit, he will. He will do this for him, not you. You can beg, you can cry, you can threaten, but, nothing will change until he is ready to seek soberity and begins working a program,. and sticks to it.

He will always be an alcoholic, it's just a matter of whether he is actively drinking or not.

GlassPrisoner

Yup.

And, that's nor necessarily a bad thing. Recovering alkies are some of the greatest people I've ever met.

Saying he's going to quit means nothing. 6 months down the road, if he turns to you and says he's done X meetings and is on step Y, then, maybe, you can really believe he's trying.

Pouring the beer out is a non issue on the grand scope of things.

dollydo

So true Glass.

ladyjane

Don't pour it out. In my experience with my ah, if I poured it out and he wanted to drink, he'd just buy more.
If he's going to drink, he's going to drink. You can't stop him.
________________
Trish

respektingme

I agree with the others, with one exception. Did you buy the beer and put it in there? If you did, I might throw it out. I mean, I wouldn't buy booze and leave it in the fridge if I was hoping my AH would stop drinking. I know I can't stop him from it, but I don't want the guilt of thinking I tempted him.

But I'm assuming he bought it and put it there. If so, I'd leave it. He will just get more if he wants it.

Pick-a-name

That's the way I was. Would not buy it for him myself but never threw out what he bought;why waste the money when he would have it any how? Also,then it would become "about me"..."hands off the alcoholic!" JMO

sb0804

I had the same thing awhile back. My AW who is now quitting for probably the 2,000 time has some beer in the fridge. I ignore it and go out of way to show that I am ignoring it.

As LadyJane said if they are going to drink they will buy more.

prodigal

I'd get out of his way and allow him the freedom to choose to drink himself to death or to find sobriety.

I wouldn't beg or plead. Threaten? Yes, if you mean to follow through on your threat. However, whatever you choose to do is entirely up to you. I personally would just state that my personal choice would be to not watch the lunacy any longer.

Of course, I'm biased because I AM done watching the lunacy and preparing to walk. No threats. No last-time chances. AH made his choice and I made mine.