profoundsadness

my husband has admitted to drinking heavily to everyone around...it was really no secret. he vowed sobriety...said he as not going to drink vodka anymore. he asked for help...i thought that was a good sign. he told his doctors...was prescribed valium to help during the "detox". i wanted to believe him that he wasn't drinking. he hasn't stopped, though. he started mixing valium with vodka. over the last week i have been very detatched and not emotional. when he's yelled, i have simply walked away. i tell him that i'm sorry he feels the way he does. i stopped looking for it in the house (he has many hiding places). i was trying to let him be...not try to manipulate the situation to save him from himself...to let him fall and deal with the consequences.

it got entirely too dangerous for him this week. i took him to the emergency room on wednesday because he was slurring his words, unable to concentrate and generally out of it. he claimed his last drink was sunday (the last time i actually knew he had a drink) and i chose to believe him. i thought he was going through withdrawal and was afraid of what might happen if he did it at home. at my cousin's prompting, i took him to the emergency room. he had an emotional breakdown on the drive. said he really was glad we were going. said he was really ready to stop and get his life in order once and for all. said he felt like an idiot for drinking...i told him he was ill and only human. i did not get emotional. i asked him when he had his last drink and he insisted it was on sunday. as i'm sure you can guess, the blood tests proved otherwise. the doctors told me he was still drunk...that it was biologically impossible for his last drink to have been on Sunday. i took a deep breath and presented this information to him. after 7 hours of being hooked up to an iv...he finally told me where he hid his "last" bottle. he said he wanted to go home because he was tired. i stupidly relented. we got him discharged and went home that morning.

it's saturday now, and i have dealt with his emotional outbursts...his severe mood swings and unfortunately, his enormous lies. i found another vodka bottle in the house this morning... i really don't know what else to do. he has an appointment with an addiction specialist on monday. i just wonder how honest he is going to be. i wonder how much more emotional abuse i can handle. i am a very strong person with a family behind me, but i feel like i am drowning today in sorrow. sorrow for my husband because he is truly a wonderful man who is ill. who can't see his way clearly. who won't let anyone help him stop drinking his life and happiness away.

i do take care of myself. i haven't stopped. i'm just feeling very very sad and needed to share this story with people i know would understand. thanks for listening.

MsGolightly

welcome, i'm glad you're here.

none of us can tell you what you should or shouldn't do... that's going to have to be something you decide on your own. i would suggest reading all you can about the disease and getting help for yourself.

it's very understandable to be sad. i recommend talking to others here and reading the stories of others who have been in your shoes.

it's very common for alcoholics to not fully have the desire to stop drinking until they've hit their bottom. this could be a near-death experience, his wife leaving him, jail, etc. in my opinion, you shouldn't stop him from hitting his bottom.

keep posting!

dollydo

I offer no advice, I can only say, nothing will change until he is ready, till he reaches the depths of dispair, until he falls to his knees, and can no longer get up.

Then, maybe then, he will get serious about his recovery. Until that time, it is only lip service, to appease someone else, to shut someone else up. The desire for recovery comes from the inside out.

Keep posting, keep reading other's posts, it will help.

Godhelpme

(((Profoundsadness))) Hugs to you.

I understand your sadness, as many others here do as well. Afterall, it's nothing but sad to watch someone you love self-destruct. The pain is enormous and overwhelming to feel helpless in this situation.

We're here for you. Please continue to post.

~ghm

prodigal

Welcome, profound, I'm glad you're here with us. I can only offer my personal experience and that was to walk away from it all. If it means my husband dies, so be it. If that's his bottom, then that's it. Only you can decide how much is enough. Only you can decide when you feel it is time to quit listening to the half-promises, the lies, the chaos.

We all know what you're going through. I handled the emotional abuse to the point that I felt all common human decency had been insulted by his nasty and cruel behavior. That was it for me.

It sounds like you have done a great job detaching from a lot of the mayhem. I'm glad you have support.

It doesn't sound like he's ready to get sober yet.