Trying to give credit....
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Trying to give credit....
but STBXABF was lying through his teeth and tonight came the BIG CONFESSION! He never did go to rehab for a week at the beginning of March. He got charged with DUI and had to spend a night in jail. They've taken away his license and he has decided he is going to fight the charge so the man who lives hand-to-mouth, pay-cheque to pay-cheque, robbing Peter to pay Paul but always makes sure he has enough to drink....controlled drinking, you know!...has retained a lawyer AND an expert witness. Meanwhile his job is at risk if they find out because a valid driver's license is one of the job requirements. And tomorrow he has to go to an event and will drive himself there because it would "look funny" if he didn't. Can we say more risk?
When is he going to WAKE UP and face reality? I know....he has to hit rock bottom, first.
He was getting all weepy about the "lie" he had told me. I didn't say "that's OK" (because it is NOT OK if someone lies to me). I found myself saying "I am sorry for you." and that's all the reaction I was able to summon up.
"O what a wicked web we weave when first we practise to deceive"
I wonder how much other stuff he has lied about.
I started this post feeling annoyed then sad for him and now I am just plain angry. I showed that man compassion for his supposed third attempt at re-hab and he never even went there!! What a JERK!
ARL
When is he going to WAKE UP and face reality? I know....he has to hit rock bottom, first.
He was getting all weepy about the "lie" he had told me. I didn't say "that's OK" (because it is NOT OK if someone lies to me). I found myself saying "I am sorry for you." and that's all the reaction I was able to summon up.
"O what a wicked web we weave when first we practise to deceive"
I wonder how much other stuff he has lied about.
I started this post feeling annoyed then sad for him and now I am just plain angry. I showed that man compassion for his supposed third attempt at re-hab and he never even went there!! What a JERK!
ARL
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Yes, Live, the silence gets deadly when I don't hear from him and there was silence during our phone conversation when I thought hard about how to reply to his "confession". And there was silence at his end each time I said "I'm sorry for you".
What kind of support do you think he is looking for from me?
How can I offer support when he deceived me? Not going to happen. How can I "support" someone who drove when drunk?
You know...LOL...even us ladies get the co-dep label hung around our necks!
ARL
What kind of support do you think he is looking for from me?
How can I offer support when he deceived me? Not going to happen. How can I "support" someone who drove when drunk?
You know...LOL...even us ladies get the co-dep label hung around our necks!
ARL
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since my break up, i've found out so many things that my ex lied to me about. it kills me that anyone thinks they can lie to me for months (i consider hiding something the same thing as lying) and then expect me to say everything is fine. i now question almost everything that my ex ever said to me... it's that bad.
if he lied to you about this, what else has he lied to you about? they're so good at manipulation... it drives me crazy they can hide all sorts of things from us and often think we won't ever find out. ugh!
if he lied to you about this, what else has he lied to you about? they're so good at manipulation... it drives me crazy they can hide all sorts of things from us and often think we won't ever find out. ugh!
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ARL,
My question isn't how can you give support....but why should you?
The more I think about it...leading you on that he was in rehab....that's despicable.
There isn't any credit to be given to telling you now.
I would suspect an ulterior motive.
And no...the money thing and the lawyer blah blah does not jibe.
Look, I am a real cynic about this whole cycle these days.
First I went through the hell myself and having been a part of this site for nearly 5 years and reading the stories...we all think we are alone at the time, but 5 years of hearing the stories has made a hardass out of me.
and just when I thought it was all over in my life..now my ASS (stepson) but ASS is more accurate has moved to town. It's not going to be pretty.
Because I don't play nice anymore. I am sure that there are still some things out there that would surprise me, but reading here for as long as I have, I don't think there is much.
I will never again wait to see where someone else's bottom is .....because mine is so much higher now.
My question isn't how can you give support....but why should you?
The more I think about it...leading you on that he was in rehab....that's despicable.
There isn't any credit to be given to telling you now.
I would suspect an ulterior motive.
And no...the money thing and the lawyer blah blah does not jibe.
Look, I am a real cynic about this whole cycle these days.
First I went through the hell myself and having been a part of this site for nearly 5 years and reading the stories...we all think we are alone at the time, but 5 years of hearing the stories has made a hardass out of me.
and just when I thought it was all over in my life..now my ASS (stepson) but ASS is more accurate has moved to town. It's not going to be pretty.
Because I don't play nice anymore. I am sure that there are still some things out there that would surprise me, but reading here for as long as I have, I don't think there is much.
I will never again wait to see where someone else's bottom is .....because mine is so much higher now.
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Thanks for posting again, Live. Yes, I suspect an ulterior motive too. The time lines don't quite jive either. But you know, part of me wants to give some kind of moral support because I really prefer to think that all people are honourable. Thank you for describing this "confession" as despicable; that helps me to put it all in perspective a bit better.
Detox, rehab, working a programme, recovery....these are the signs we need as proof that the A in our life is serious about turning his/her life around. So this JERK took the one thing which he knew would suck me in when all along he did the one thing to push me further away. Isn't recovery all about honesty?
And to make matters worse, the JERK knew that I had left my marriage because I could no longer TRUST my husband as a result of his lies! In fact, when my exH finally confessed, he admitted it was a huge load off his chest.And when the JERK confessed, he said he felt sooooooooooo much better for finally telling me!
I am better off on my own as my own best friend.
ARL
Detox, rehab, working a programme, recovery....these are the signs we need as proof that the A in our life is serious about turning his/her life around. So this JERK took the one thing which he knew would suck me in when all along he did the one thing to push me further away. Isn't recovery all about honesty?
And to make matters worse, the JERK knew that I had left my marriage because I could no longer TRUST my husband as a result of his lies! In fact, when my exH finally confessed, he admitted it was a huge load off his chest.And when the JERK confessed, he said he felt sooooooooooo much better for finally telling me!
I am better off on my own as my own best friend.
ARL
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Of course he's going to come crying to you ...
... that's what they do to play on our compassion and sympathy. They play us like a cheap fiddle. My AH was in three detox/rehabs. The first one he got dumped into by his commanding officer. The other two, he came and broke down crying to me: "WAAAHHHHHH, I'm in trouble, I'm a mess, please help me, I'm sick, I want to get better, I love you ..." Yeah, right ... blah, blah, blah. So I found him a bed and made all nicey-nice for him with our insurance carrier so he could stay in very nice rehabs. Took me two times to learn my lesson, but I learned it very, very well.
Ulterior motives? Yep, in order to keep you in the loop and dancing his dance. When I started hearing things from AH's former boss and coworkers I was pretty amazed, to say the least. AH generally didn't lie - he just didn't talk about things other than the weather or the news unless he got in trouble at work and then needed to use my services to bail him out. I quit believing anything that came out of his mouth a long time ago.
And you are entirely correct, Lady, being your OWN best friend is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself.
Ulterior motives? Yep, in order to keep you in the loop and dancing his dance. When I started hearing things from AH's former boss and coworkers I was pretty amazed, to say the least. AH generally didn't lie - he just didn't talk about things other than the weather or the news unless he got in trouble at work and then needed to use my services to bail him out. I quit believing anything that came out of his mouth a long time ago.
And you are entirely correct, Lady, being your OWN best friend is the greatest gift you will ever give yourself.
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ARL xx They have to lie to make their drinking easier.simple. they dont care about what they lie about, mine got drunk and lied about his mother being really ill, an excuse to get drunk ( i called his mum she had a cold!!!!) they are clever enough to know that you wont go on about the drinking and that you'll let it go this time out of sympathy. that is till they have run out of excuses. Mine used to be so dramatic when he was cought lying, and would make a drama and end up crying and saying "i so wanted to tell you but i didn't know how to blah blah blah.
Ive not seen my xab now for 14 days wrote him a letter told him i loved him but not the drinking, yesterday his mother calls telling me he's told her that ive been seeing someone else behing his back all this time. I WISH!!!!!
Ive not seen my xab now for 14 days wrote him a letter told him i loved him but not the drinking, yesterday his mother calls telling me he's told her that ive been seeing someone else behing his back all this time. I WISH!!!!!
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And this struck me...
"Of course he's going to come crying to you ...
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... that's what they do to play on our compassion and sympathy. They play us like a cheap fiddle."
The crying starts when they are drunk. It was way past his bedtime when he phoned to "confess". And he was well into drink #4....most likely #8. So, there isn't even clarity with the confession. He probably forgot he even told me when he woke up this morning.
ARL
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... that's what they do to play on our compassion and sympathy. They play us like a cheap fiddle."
The crying starts when they are drunk. It was way past his bedtime when he phoned to "confess". And he was well into drink #4....most likely #8. So, there isn't even clarity with the confession. He probably forgot he even told me when he woke up this morning.
ARL
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