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TG on a tear

Old 07-19-2007, 06:27 PM
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TG on a tear

Bear with me.

I titled another thread "I officially learned a lesson." I said I wouldn't listen to stbXAH when he needed an ear in between bouts again. When he called tonight, he begged me to listen...said he needed a friend. I felt sorry for him, which is pure stupidity, but I did.

He started telling me how when he was telling me that he wasn't drunk after I moved out, that it was all true because he was really on cocaine, and it kept him from being drunk. He told me he's a cokehead, how last weekend he drove around the downtown area in the city where I live for some more, and that some guy beat him up. It just went from bad to completely nuts in a matter of minutes. How on earth did I end up having conversations with people about fights, and cocaine, and jail? Those aren't the conversations I used to have before I knew him.

Then, he asked me about our divorce decree. He said he'd thought about some money I might owe him. One of the things was my car. He paid a down payment on my car back in July 2006 while we were still together. It was 6 days before I had a lease starting on my own place, so I begged him not to buy the car (I didn't end up moving out for another month because of the car). He wanted it so that he could have my old one to stick his breathalyzer in. I cried, but he was drunk and insisted that we buy the car. The whole time signing papers, he was rambling drunk while I cried. Now he wants money for the down payment? We were MARRIED then, he wanted me to have it for his OWN personal reasons, and I CRIED and BEGGED him not to do it. I was afraid of having another payment to make when I knew I was about to move.

The other thing was for a credit card debt he paid for me three years ago. Once again, he was blabbering drunk to some call center lady for over an hour, trying to negotiate the balance down. I was crying then too, asking him to stay out of my business. He wouldn't listen to me. I didn't want him to pay it.

He's so out of it that it is insane. I have my final divorce decree, and it's in the mail to him. I would personally drive it down there tonight if I didn't think that he might say later that he signed under duress or while drunk. I just have to make it to the end. Then the house is set to close August 15th, and then, THEN, no more. I want him out of my life forever. The craziness is too much. I kept trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, in fact for years. I lost it tonight. I want him gone from my life. I was too afraid to "be mean" and tell him I wouldn't talk to him again, but now I don't care. He's not looking out for my best interests, so why should I care whether I am mean to him or not? I was trying to be nice to his mom and make sure she got reimbursed for some mortgage payments. Now I don't care. She hired a private detective on me last fall and now she's saying that if I would have put my foot down sooner, maybe he could have had more of a chance. What??? How dare she. She's not looking out for my interests, why should I look out for hers. I don't care about him or her anymore....this divorce is all about getting the best thing for me. I don't care about fair....the legal system will determine fair.

I'm sorry....I am completely going off right now, but I am, I don't know what. I think I'm finally mad. I think that anger is finally here. I've been playing Miss Nice TG this whole time, and I'm done. How dare he? I hate him.
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Old 07-19-2007, 06:35 PM
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(((((((Texas)))))) we are here for you, it's ok, let it out. I dont blame you in the least. Give and inch and take a mile with these guys. It almost doesn't pay to be nice in the long run. Hang in there, sounds like you handled it just fine take care of yourself.

heather
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Old 07-19-2007, 06:49 PM
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(((((TG)))))))

You are my hero honey! You have come so far. yes... it is time to get mad he is just pulling one more stunt for the road I guess....

I am sure your lesson learned has an even deeper meaning now!!!

You know the drill take care of you.
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Old 07-19-2007, 06:50 PM
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Oh TG, my heart goes out to you. I remember well that strong and oh, so raw emotional duress! I remember the anger, the everything.

You have been extremely nice throughout this divorce. He, of course, will continue to play his sympathy card - trying to be nice - and claiming to need you and need you as his friend. Doing all the things that you always wanted and needed him to do before, using it as his last pawn (desperate move) in this game that he plays.

Be strong, don't let him wear you down. You know the truth. And what you are going through now is just a normal phase of growth. Hang in there. And vent all you want too, many of us truly understand.

(((TG)))
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Old 07-19-2007, 07:06 PM
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You know his sudden interest in the money is all about feeding his new cocaine habit. He didn't need a friend to talk to. He needed money and he didn't waste any time asking for it. You don't owe him anything.
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Old 07-19-2007, 07:11 PM
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Next time he calls, tell him to call his sponsor if he needs to talk with some one.
If he doesn’t have one, then it’s his problem.
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Old 07-19-2007, 07:21 PM
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i was thinking the exact thing jill said... that he's needing the money for coke.

i'm sorry, TG. i can't even imagine how much this sucks for you but you're sounding so strong, complete with a great, wise head on your shoulders. you ARE better than this and better than him (and his mom, too... geesh) and i know everything is going to work out for the best for you in the long run.
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Old 07-19-2007, 07:27 PM
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(((((tg)))))
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Old 07-19-2007, 09:38 PM
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Ditto to what Jill said....

You know you dont owe him a dime....marital debt is just that....MARITAL...(did I spell that right?) You know what I mean....

He has a new friend and lover now and its called COKE and she is expensive...

hugs to you hunny...

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Old 07-20-2007, 03:51 AM
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And thank god you are finally angry TexasGirl!

You are right you DON'T have to be nice to him or his mother, just get them out of your life once and for all.

Can you not answer the phone when he calls? If you keep answering and listening to him he'll keep calling.


Earthworm





Originally Posted by TexasGirl View Post
Bear with me.

I titled another thread "I officially learned a lesson." I said I wouldn't listen to stbXAH when he needed an ear in between bouts again. When he called tonight, he begged me to listen...said he needed a friend. I felt sorry for him, which is pure stupidity, but I did.

He started telling me how when he was telling me that he wasn't drunk after I moved out, that it was all true because he was really on cocaine, and it kept him from being drunk. He told me he's a cokehead, how last weekend he drove around the downtown area in the city where I live for some more, and that some guy beat him up. It just went from bad to completely nuts in a matter of minutes. How on earth did I end up having conversations with people about fights, and cocaine, and jail? Those aren't the conversations I used to have before I knew him.

Then, he asked me about our divorce decree. He said he'd thought about some money I might owe him. One of the things was my car. He paid a down payment on my car back in July 2006 while we were still together. It was 6 days before I had a lease starting on my own place, so I begged him not to buy the car (I didn't end up moving out for another month because of the car). He wanted it so that he could have my old one to stick his breathalyzer in. I cried, but he was drunk and insisted that we buy the car. The whole time signing papers, he was rambling drunk while I cried. Now he wants money for the down payment? We were MARRIED then, he wanted me to have it for his OWN personal reasons, and I CRIED and BEGGED him not to do it. I was afraid of having another payment to make when I knew I was about to move.

The other thing was for a credit card debt he paid for me three years ago. Once again, he was blabbering drunk to some call center lady for over an hour, trying to negotiate the balance down. I was crying then too, asking him to stay out of my business. He wouldn't listen to me. I didn't want him to pay it.

He's so out of it that it is insane. I have my final divorce decree, and it's in the mail to him. I would personally drive it down there tonight if I didn't think that he might say later that he signed under duress or while drunk. I just have to make it to the end. Then the house is set to close August 15th, and then, THEN, no more. I want him out of my life forever. The craziness is too much. I kept trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, in fact for years. I lost it tonight. I want him gone from my life. I was too afraid to "be mean" and tell him I wouldn't talk to him again, but now I don't care. He's not looking out for my best interests, so why should I care whether I am mean to him or not? I was trying to be nice to his mom and make sure she got reimbursed for some mortgage payments. Now I don't care. She hired a private detective on me last fall and now she's saying that if I would have put my foot down sooner, maybe he could have had more of a chance. What??? How dare she. She's not looking out for my interests, why should I look out for hers. I don't care about him or her anymore....this divorce is all about getting the best thing for me. I don't care about fair....the legal system will determine fair.

I'm sorry....I am completely going off right now, but I am, I don't know what. I think I'm finally mad. I think that anger is finally here. I've been playing Miss Nice TG this whole time, and I'm done. How dare he? I hate him.
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Old 07-20-2007, 03:51 AM
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Ah, the white devil, cocaine. Many times the users drinks to not use, then they use to not drink. Then, they drink first and then use. It's quite a cycle.

Be assured, he wants the money to use, he now has no control over his mistress, cocaine.


Here is something that was posted on SR before:

Such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meetings, your Higher Power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live I may only exist. But I am here...And until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.


MY NAME IS COCAINE



My name is cocaine-call me coke for short.
I entered this country without a passport.



Ever since then I've made lots of scum rich.
Some have been murdered and found in a ditch.



I'm more valued than diamonds, more treasured than gold.
Use me just once and you too will be sold.



I'll make a school boy forger his books.
I'll make a beauty queen forget her looks.



I'll take a renowned speaker and make him a bore.
I'll take your mother and make her a *****.



I'll make a school teacher forget how to teach.
I'll make a preacher not want to preach.



I'll take all your rent money and you'll be evicted.
I'll murder your babies or they'll be born addicted.



I'll make you rob, steal and kill.
When your under my power, you have no will.



Remember, my friend my name is "Big C"
if you try me one time you may never be free.



I've destroyed actors, politicians and many a hero.
I've decreased bank accounts from millions to zero.



I make shooting and stabbing a common affair.
Once I take charge, you won't have a prayer.



Now that you know me, what will you do?
You'll have to decide, it's all up to you.



The day you agree to sit in my saddle.
The decision is one than no one can straddle.



Listen to me, and please listen well.
When you ride with cocaine you are headed for HELL.



Author Unknown



TG, be glad that you are done with him, you him nothing.
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Old 07-20-2007, 03:54 AM
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And by the way TexasGirl, if his Mom can afford to hire a P.I to follow you, she can afford to take a hit on money he owes. You owe both of them NOTHING!

He wants to feed his cocaine habit now.


Earthworm
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Old 07-20-2007, 04:40 AM
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anger can be a great motivator. it helped me when i finally got angry.
((((tg)))), i'm so sorry you have yet another revelation about the man you once loved.....i know how badly it hurts.

so now, be nice to tg.....forget about everyone else....if it means kickin' a$$ and takin' names, so be it.......look out for yourself financially and pfffffffftt on the other players in this game of insanity.

the coke will probably be speakin for him in all negotiations, for his benefit of course.

no contact. click.

call attorney, get ball on fast track.

many hugs to you
jeri
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Old 07-20-2007, 05:28 AM
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Sending you energy and light, TG.....hang in there.,,,,,this too shall pass
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Old 07-20-2007, 05:43 AM
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Originally Posted by dollydo View Post
Ah, the white devil, cocaine. Many times the users drinks to not use, then they use to not drink. Then, they drink first and then use. It's quite a cycle.

So true! And ditto to what Jill said as well!

((((TG))))) When I got mad and still do sometimes as our recovery process is an up and down road we travel, I was told by my XAB that I was an "angry person" and I should get help! Hmmm looking into a mirror much? I found that the more angry I got the clearer my mind became-odd but true! It helped me to realize what I was doing not only to myself but to him.

You are allowed to get angry and feel that anger! It is deserved after what you have been through! Just not to long sweetie not worth staying that way! Kudos to you!!

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Old 07-20-2007, 05:57 AM
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Anger can be a useful emotion as long as it doesn't come to control you. We all have valid reasons to be angry and need to express that anger in a healthy way. I find I am working out my anger by having "conversations" as I drive to/from work (but stop if the anger starts edging over into rage). I get to say the words I need to say to AH without actually having to talk to him. I find it theraputic.
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