I don't know what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
I don't know what to do
For the past two and half years I have watched my sister turn into a drug addict and alcoholic. It is has been two and half years of not knowing what is going to happen, what I should be doing to help and I am just tired. I feel like I have cried and worried as much as anyone can. As I am sitting here typing this, my drunk sister and her alcoholic boyfriend are calling me because they are drunk again and have had another fight and like the like so many other fights before she wants to leave. I want her to leave too, but I know that it will end up as it always does with her being drunk again. Even if she is not with him she is drunk. She has tried to get help before but has not followed through. My mother who attends Al-Anon meetings regularly tells me that I should do nothing and that if I do I am enabling her and that she has to want to do it. I understand that, but I am very afraid of the reality that seems inevitable. She holds my childhood in her memories. If she dies I know that part of me will die too. I am just tired.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome- many of us know your pain bec. we too love an addict (my son)
Try not to go in your mind to the place I call "fear, doubt or worry" cuz it will just make ya miserable. Maybe you can go to alanon with your mom and learn the ability to detach with love. getting involved in the chaos of your sis's life will make your own life chaotic as you know. Just as the alcoholic struggles, we do too as the family and we too have to figure out a way to live our life with all the joy and peace of mind that we would have if it wasn't for the addict. Best wishes as you figure this out . your sis may struggle with addiction for a long time so you must learn to control what you can which is yourself and how to have the wonderful life you deserve.
Try not to go in your mind to the place I call "fear, doubt or worry" cuz it will just make ya miserable. Maybe you can go to alanon with your mom and learn the ability to detach with love. getting involved in the chaos of your sis's life will make your own life chaotic as you know. Just as the alcoholic struggles, we do too as the family and we too have to figure out a way to live our life with all the joy and peace of mind that we would have if it wasn't for the addict. Best wishes as you figure this out . your sis may struggle with addiction for a long time so you must learn to control what you can which is yourself and how to have the wonderful life you deserve.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 39
If it helps at all, I watched my mother go through the same thing with her sister. It's being going on for many, many years, and we all wish we could help her, but with her it was not possible. So we just did what we could, when we could for her and hoped for the best. Spiritual Seeker was right, it may go on for a long time, (or it may not, who knows?). Just do for her what feels right in your heart, and you will be doing the right thing. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
(((losingmysister)))) Many hugs to you tonight.
There were many times over the years that I felt just entirely drained. Times I just couldn't bear to deal with it all another day. My A was my husband, but the emotional rollercoaster we ride with any alcoholic is chaotic, draining, and heart-wrenching no matter how they are related to our lives.
Perhaps as was suggested, you could attend some Alanon meetings with your Mom. There are also some posts at the top of the forum called "Sticky" posts and there is a lot of GREAT information in those threads, I hope you'll check them out.
I hope you'll stick around and share your journey with us. Welcome to SR.
There were many times over the years that I felt just entirely drained. Times I just couldn't bear to deal with it all another day. My A was my husband, but the emotional rollercoaster we ride with any alcoholic is chaotic, draining, and heart-wrenching no matter how they are related to our lives.
Perhaps as was suggested, you could attend some Alanon meetings with your Mom. There are also some posts at the top of the forum called "Sticky" posts and there is a lot of GREAT information in those threads, I hope you'll check them out.
I hope you'll stick around and share your journey with us. Welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 112
(((losing my sister))) Many hugs, I am exhausted too and I know just how you feel! I had to take my sister to the ER twice in the past week. It is so hard to deal with your own life responsibilities and worry about something like this! For the past several years my sister has been an alcoholic, bulemic and cutter. She is going away to treatment for 90 days next week, but her life had to get pretty bad for her to want to go. In the meantime, like you, I am so exhausted and am so glad it's Friday and tomorrow is my favorite Al Anon meeting. I so highly suggest Al Anon for you. It just makes the burdon a little easier. Just knowing there are others that share the same situation helps and talking about it helps too. I will say a prayer for you and your sister!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome ((((LMS))))
Yup ditto! Exhausted is the name of the game when we are dealing with addiction. And I love what SSeeker said " many of us know your pain bec. we too love an addict" (My brothers and my xab)
I also like the suggestion of maybe going to a meeting with your Mom-it is worth going and seeing if it is right for you-what can it hurt? I spent alot of my childhood growing up with addict brothers and it was draining, exhausting, and took alot of my childhood away from me going in and out of rehabs for counseling for THEM! (Family) it was not my ideal childhood to say the least-I was drowning so badly in my own family addicts that I did not think clear and wound up with an addict of my own (Lucky me! Not) but, I thank my HP and SR and many others in my life for leading me on the start of my recovery and learning what I needed to do for ME! It is a tuff road and will be for awhile but it gets easier and easier as we learn how to detach and still love-
Welcome again and (((BIG HUGS))))) also check out the stickies they are a great source of information!
Yup ditto! Exhausted is the name of the game when we are dealing with addiction. And I love what SSeeker said " many of us know your pain bec. we too love an addict" (My brothers and my xab)
I also like the suggestion of maybe going to a meeting with your Mom-it is worth going and seeing if it is right for you-what can it hurt? I spent alot of my childhood growing up with addict brothers and it was draining, exhausting, and took alot of my childhood away from me going in and out of rehabs for counseling for THEM! (Family) it was not my ideal childhood to say the least-I was drowning so badly in my own family addicts that I did not think clear and wound up with an addict of my own (Lucky me! Not) but, I thank my HP and SR and many others in my life for leading me on the start of my recovery and learning what I needed to do for ME! It is a tuff road and will be for awhile but it gets easier and easier as we learn how to detach and still love-
Welcome again and (((BIG HUGS))))) also check out the stickies they are a great source of information!
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Losing, I wrote this post once myself. I really understand your fear. Have been going through alcoholism with my sister too for years. I still have concerns for her safety as her behaviour is now well ridiculous!!
The next time your sister involves you in her problems, especially when she fights with the boyfriend, tell her no, Youre not interested if shes drunk! If she calls you drunk, hang up. Tell her you are not getting involved in anymore of this madness.
Honestly, I did all this myself once, ran to her when she was in trouble, ran to her when the boyfriend didnt work out, when she was abusive, I took it.
Even though I still love her and it frustrates me why she has chose this life now, I am moving on quicker than I thought. I find now though, what she is doing, just doesnt blend in my way of thinking. I see her doing ridiculous things, saying the most offensive stuff and she only cares about the next drink.
When you have the courage to stop getting involved, your life will slowly go back to normal because you wont know whats shes doing or saying.
Once she realizes no one is going to play this game anymore, she may decide its time to face her demons. Obviously, she is not really right now. Listen to your mother. All you are feeling is fear. I still think maybe one day I will bury my sister, but I am at a point now that if it happens, it just happened and her decisions are out of my control. You can control your destiny, even if it hurts, believe me.
Good Luck
The next time your sister involves you in her problems, especially when she fights with the boyfriend, tell her no, Youre not interested if shes drunk! If she calls you drunk, hang up. Tell her you are not getting involved in anymore of this madness.
Honestly, I did all this myself once, ran to her when she was in trouble, ran to her when the boyfriend didnt work out, when she was abusive, I took it.
Even though I still love her and it frustrates me why she has chose this life now, I am moving on quicker than I thought. I find now though, what she is doing, just doesnt blend in my way of thinking. I see her doing ridiculous things, saying the most offensive stuff and she only cares about the next drink.
When you have the courage to stop getting involved, your life will slowly go back to normal because you wont know whats shes doing or saying.
Once she realizes no one is going to play this game anymore, she may decide its time to face her demons. Obviously, she is not really right now. Listen to your mother. All you are feeling is fear. I still think maybe one day I will bury my sister, but I am at a point now that if it happens, it just happened and her decisions are out of my control. You can control your destiny, even if it hurts, believe me.
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
all great advice from the above posts.
just wanted to add that i understand. i had to save myself from the insanity of living with my xah. i did it by going to al-anon, posting here, counseling, reading......and a lot of praying.
it was hard for me to accept, in the beginning of my journey, that i could not help my ah. i made myself very, very sick trying to outwit the addiction. i was physically, emotionally, and spiritually sick. i had to get help and learn that there was absolutley nothing i could do for him. all i had was myself to take care of.
seemed kinda cruel in the beginning of it all......after all, i loved this man.....how could i "detach"? i had a lot to learn.......and it saved my life...i truly believe that.
best of everything to you
jeri
just wanted to add that i understand. i had to save myself from the insanity of living with my xah. i did it by going to al-anon, posting here, counseling, reading......and a lot of praying.
it was hard for me to accept, in the beginning of my journey, that i could not help my ah. i made myself very, very sick trying to outwit the addiction. i was physically, emotionally, and spiritually sick. i had to get help and learn that there was absolutley nothing i could do for him. all i had was myself to take care of.
seemed kinda cruel in the beginning of it all......after all, i loved this man.....how could i "detach"? i had a lot to learn.......and it saved my life...i truly believe that.
best of everything to you
jeri
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