Shocked and Amazed

Old 07-19-2007, 06:42 AM
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Guess what, I'm not crazy.
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Shocked and Amazed

Last night I was making a book cover for yet another book I am reading. I like to havae a book cover because I don't want everyone in the world to know what I am reading. (everything from the self help shelf) Anyway as I put my new book in the cover I noticed some pages that were in gray with a list of stuff, needless to say, I checked it out. The book is (Beyond the influnce) and the information I spotted were the signs of alcoholism. OK, so I see some stuff that is sooooooo my husband but here is the scary thing..... I saw a lot of me. There it was, confermation to my thoughts and feelings. I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.

Here are a couple interesting things I didn't know, One sign is getting diabetes. Now he blames the diabetes for his behavior but we all know it's the drinking. Oh and one I was stumpped by and then laughed about. (Green Tounge) Yes this is a sign of an alcoholic. Why you ask....... Mouth wash. Dhaaaaa Yes my husband has green tounge a lot of the time.

I hope everyone has a good day.
D
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Old 07-19-2007, 09:47 AM
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let it grow!
 
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keep reading and learning. sending you hugs, k
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Old 07-19-2007, 10:40 AM
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Sounds like you're remaining teachable, we can never learn too much about this disease. I haven't read Beyond yet, but Under The Influence gave me so much more information about my alcoholism than I knew existed.

Funny, but the first time I attended a CoDA meeting and the list of patterns and characteristics was read I had that OMG moment, I'M A CODIE!!
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Old 07-19-2007, 11:29 AM
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Guess what, I'm not crazy.
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Codependence is my issue and alcohol was a simtom. It was one of the meny self destructive things I learned from my mom. When I was little I had to put her to bed when she had too much to drink and by the time I hit high school she was also popping Valume and on the days she went crazy she would come home and run around in the house crying and screaming about how she wanted to die. One time I had a friend who stayed with us. (a trusted friend) I was out and when I got home she was all freaked out about my mom loosing it. Here is this friend who would get all upset because he mom had a few beers after work and then like other moms cooked dinner and cleaned the house. I remember thinking, you haven't got a clue.

By then I had gone through so much that I didn't care that my mother was out of controle and might hurt her self. I was too bussy trying to be numb all day and then crying all night and being that same out of controle person my mom was.

I thank God I'm not that person today.
D
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Old 07-19-2007, 12:27 PM
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We share a lot of common personality traits, that's for sure.

I'm not taking your inventory, but being sensative to what people think of you (AKA hiding a book behind a cover) is one of them.

I hate walking to meetings. Not beacause I don't like to walk, but I don't like to be seen walking up to the meeting. Go figure.
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Old 07-19-2007, 01:38 PM
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The book cover has more to do with my husband seeing the book and getting upset. He thinks there is nothing wrong with me and if I am reading this stuff it must be about him and how horrable he is. I know I need to get past that. He knows I have some of the books and even confronted me about them. (The language of letting go) and (codependent no more) To him those titles = I blame you and I am leaving.

As for other people knowing...... I let friends and family know I stopped drinking after about three weeks or so. I wanted to make sure I was realy on the path before I said anything. Now when people notice me drinking NA or pop and ask... I am honest and let them know I HAD TO STOP. I say it in front of my husband, I tell them It was out of controle and I was out of controle. Funny thing is if someone asks my husband..... he tells them I am trying to loose weight. I fined it funny that he is embarresed to tell them the truth. But then again..... he does see everything as a refection of or statement about him self.
D
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Old 07-19-2007, 02:13 PM
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Don't mean to go off-topic D, but you might want to cut out the NA beer too. There are several good threads about it that are worth searching out and reading. For many of us, it just slowly leads back to the real thing.
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Old 07-20-2007, 06:23 AM
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Don't get me wrong. I don't go out all the time and drink NA. I just happen to like the tast of it and sometimes when you are out you don't want yet another coke or the ice tea they have sucks. So sometimes I have an NA but not always and only one or two. I can only take one or two because otherwise I feel sick, Like sucking down too much pop in one setting.

To give you an idea of how much I drink NA, I have had a case in my fridge for about two or three months now and it's still half full. Now my husband used it to replace his beer when he wasn't drinking. He would suck down 10 or 12 at a time. I only have it cuz sometimes it stounds good and then as I said, only one or two at the most.

I know one thing for sure, I don't want the buz at all. I have learned to come to hate it. I don't want to be out of controle and make an ass of my self in public. Been there done that. I did a boat load of stuff I regret while I was drinking. I am not that person anymore and never want to be again.

The hardest part of not drinking for me is that sometimes I have to remined my self why I can't drink. I look at it in the same way I did when I stopped smoking over 20 years ago. It took me getting to a certin place in my mined and heart to stop. It was hard as hell and to this day I have been know to dream about it. I wake up thinking Thank God that was just a dream. I have the same dreams with alcohol.
the last one I had, I remember relizing I was buzzed and thinking CRAP! adn then, OK, now what do I do and woke up.

Well that only too a thousand words to tell you why it's ok for me to have NA. LOL I do see your point.
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Old 07-20-2007, 07:38 AM
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Drinking dreams are common in alcoholics.

The hardest part of not drinking for me is that sometimes I have to remined my self why I can't drink.
Yup. Part of the insanity is "I can have one or two. This time it will be different because [insert rationalization here]".
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Old 07-20-2007, 08:50 AM
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When I stopped smoking I craved the dang things for at least a year and had tons of dreams about it. Now 20 years later I still have them once in a while. Now with the drinking I have the dreams (same thing) I am doing it and then realize what has happened. OH MY GOD! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? OH GOD, I'M HOOKED AGAIN! Then I realize it's a dream and wake up. Maybe it's my brains way of reminding me why I can't drink.
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Old 07-20-2007, 09:16 AM
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I stopped chewing tobacco in Nov. 2004, 3 months before I quit drinking, and I still have dreams about both addictions. It's a relief to wake up and know that I don't have to live like that anymore.
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