hbb

Thanks everyone, still trucking along, helping others today really helped myself. I had a great night with friends and laughed, ya he came up a few times but the first day in over a month that i didn't cry huge progress for me! I know there will be the ups and downs and weekends suk but thank god for you guys! I appreciate it, now if i can take my own advice that i've been so diligently giving Pineapple lol!!!!

Mair

Good for you hbb, i had a good night too i went for an indian meal with a friend and absolutley stink of garlig today LOVELY.
That was until i got home and my xab mother called me, and told me that she'd talked to him (he was in the pub) and she'd asked him if he'd heard from me and he had said "nah she's written me a letter saying its over, ive suspected for ages that she's been seeing someone else behind my back"

Wow that hurt, his mum of course said i know that's not true he's making excuses again. I thought how dare he, the letter was a sad love letter saying goodbye to him and that his problem was too much for me to handle and that is why i couldnt be with him.

I just feel cheated, used and stupid for running to him like a fool when he was ill, when i was supposed to have time for another boyfriend i'll never know. HBB "I AM ANGRY"

Recovery on it's way!!!!

Mair x

hbb

Mair, i'm so sorry that he's acting like this. Sounds like to me he said that stuff to his mother because he's guilty and ashamed of himself. My ex has been no where to be seen i guess it's good. I do have my moments where i miss him and wonder if he will call sometime soon but then again, i can't go through this pain again and again. His mom hasn't written back to me from an email she sent a week ago to me. Oh well, she's crushed im sure and doesn't know what to say. I'm angy, sad, depressed, pissed, you name it Mair. Hang in there, we can do this together, just a tough road

hbb

Ok so it's sat. night and i just got home and i'm about to collapse with sadness. I"m out with my girlfriends and i'm just sooooo sad tonight. I miss him so much and i know it's wrong and i know it's not meant to be but i can't stop thinking about him i just want to hug him and everything will be okay.......this sux so bad. I hate the weekends.....why can't i get a grip and see he's a jerk for what he's done. This is why i shouldn't go out because i feel i bring my friends down

MsGolightly

i've found that my weekends were (and sometimes still are) the hardest. i used to dread when friday came around (can you imagine?!) and it was even worse if i was sitting at home, alone, in my apartment.

at some point, there just becomes nothing new left to think about. your brain just shuts off. you can have the same dialogue in your head over and over about your ex, what he's doing, what happened, you name it. but you'll get sick of it eventually. i overanalyzed everything. sometimes i still do, but i no longer let it consume me so much. it takes lots of time and work. i basically made a whole new life for myself, complete with new friends.

and girl, why do you want to hug him?! a few days ago you were saying he was a jerk and a loser, and now you want to hug him!? i play the tape in my head where i could magically forgive my ex for everything and we'd live happily ever after. the more i think about it, the relationship we would have isn't the kind of relationship i deserve. i don't want to be someone's babysitter, and i don't want to always think in the back of my mind that i was being lied to. i want to be able to trust the next person i give my heart to, and i know that i'll never trust my ex again. so, think about it, could your relationship really be everything you think you need or deserve? could you really let go of his ex?

i doubt you're being a downer for your friends, but if you really feel that way, then perk yourself up. don't talk about him, don't think about him, and just live in the moment. you'll get there... time time time.

cagefree

Amen Earthworm! Felt this today - it is VERY powerful and you put it into words perfectly. My HP has placed some new people into my life and brought some old ones back in I thought I'd lost touch with. When I'm ready to be good to myself, so are a lot of people as well.

hbb

Why can't i just get it....i KNOW i deserve better, even a worm would be better than the way he has treated me i think it's because i don't love myself and if i don't love myself i can't get past the hurt from someone else. I had such a much better week last week and now as the days go on i'm wayyyyy worse. I just went to the Goo Goo Dolls tonight (awesome) and i cried and we were like front row and i got a guitar pick and i STILL cried...... i just wish i liked me enough to HATE him....you know?

best

Like yourself does not require you to hate him.
You are displeased with his action but care about him as a person.

That says to me you are a wonderful person. Such a wonderful person will make someone deserving of your kindness very happy.
Many times people have said that when they stopped looking and stopped trying to find someone is when that special someone came into their lives.
Your special someone will come along when your not looking and if it is ment to be, God will be sure to open your eyes so you see them at the right time.
Let go and Let God.

splendra

((((hbb))))

Hating him will only hurt you...don't even think about holding hate in your heart....

You are processing right now the scab has been pulled off the wound. It hurts. God I feel so sorry that you are going thru this.

I am betting that you will notice things with men that before you would have completely over looked.

Nobody can charm like an addict/alcoholic they know how to suck someone in and they also know how to spit someone out when they are thru with them. I am praying you will see when someone is trying to suck you in. Often they move very fast and before you know it you have given your whole life to them.

Live well sweetie live well. Don't let this guy have free rent in your head he is not worth it.

Mair

You will get there as will i. I cried on saturday whilst i was in Mc dons, no reason, i had to go sit in the car?????? I thought that i would toughen up after his mother told me that he thought i was seeing someone else but i havent. We are going through the motions HBB we are on the rollercoaster and it not quite ready to stop. got a good quote from a song from the Kooks (popular in UK) "You dont pull my strings, cos i'm better and moving on to better things" I sing it out loud to the embaressment of my teenage daughter!!!!!

M x

hbb

Thank you Mair, Splendra & Best.....I honestly think i could just get myself better and move on if we didn't have this loan that he's paying off and can't even pay on the right day. I have that promisary note so i guess just let him default then it's his and the courts problem right? I know it was only due yesterday but why couldn't he have paid it between payday Thurs. and yesterday.....he's just a loser. But i'm the one that checks on line to see if payment is there every month as it's soley in my name and he deposits the money. So now my stomach is in knots because of wondering if he's going to go to the bank today. I wish i didn't have this tie and monthly worry I can't do this for the next 4 years, and i told him he better find another avenue to get it out of my name and he "claims" he is but ya right, he can't rub two pennies together.....what have i done???? trust and love too much i guess

MsGolightly

i would just let him default. you worrying about it isn't going to make it happen any sooner, you know?

if it makes you feel any better, throughout the course of my relationship, i loaned my ex $8,000. i paid the rent, the bills, etc. i kept track of all of it because i was always promised it would be paid back. i asked for small amounts once a month after we broke up, and it's now 7 months later and i haven't seen a dime. i have a feeling i never will, and it's very disappointing.

hbb

Thanks Inthis....the good thing is i have that legal document. I just don't think it's fair to do this every month. He could have text saying he was going to the bank. But i agree, and my brother said, let him default and he can deal with the aftermath. Im just having a HORRIFIC day today, i have my good friend (former good friend) attack me because i'm dealing with all this my way and not really including her because she hasn't been a good friend to me over the years and i have other friends that are sooooooooooooo great at this point in time. She keeps firing off emails to me saying i don't do anything with her, i don't talk to her, i've changed not her and the list goes on.....I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO RESPOND, she's a child, and i need to rid myself of bad people in my life. Am i wrong with that feeling? Granted we were best friends for 10 years but ALOT has happened and she's hurtful to my feelings. She actually said to me last year "hurry up and get married while i still look good" meaning herself....who says that? very sad to me.

best

Heather

You have a legal document but the note is in your name? Letting him default on your note will pull down your credit, not his. May come a point that you will need eat this mistake and pay things yourself and bring him to small claims court or just pay it and move on and forget him all together.

In my opinion... You send in the payment and he pays you that way you know your credit is protected because you are doing it. OR just wash your hands of him completly and pay it off on your own. What was the money for? If a car...you could repo the car from him for default of payment... Cut your losses and move on.

hbb

Oh i know Best, it's alot of money though, like $12,000, he consolidated his bills, bought a truck. When i did this at the bank, they told me to get a promisary note and that it was legal and binding, which i did. So the personal loan is in my name and i would have to cover it if he didn't pay but i have the note that says if he doesn't pay me within 10 days after the due date that i can go after him and go after him in full. We have it set up as a joint checking right now, he deposits the money each month and the loan part automatically takes it out of our account. I'll try to remain calm till the end of the day, he gets out of work at 2:30, so plenty of time to pay then. He also said to me the first thing out of his month a month ago was for me not to worry about the loan and he was going to take care of it, and hopefully get it in his brother's name or something.....i guess i'll have to believe him at the moment

best

I hope that isn't your only account. I would get an account in just my name for me and let the joint account be a minimum. What he puts in and what the loan takes out would be the only activity the account ever sees. A joint account... he cold remove as well as put in and if he gets in a bind... I feel it is better being safe then sorry.

denny57

Call a lawyer.

hbb

Thanks Denny, i agree, my uncle is a judge around here so i'll probably call him. Best, i do have a completely seperate account, that joint one is strictly for the loan, thank God!! I'll try to relax till the end of the, day, yesterday was a Sunday and i'm hoping he will do right by this and go after work at 2:30. Thanks for the advice.

hbb

Well he paid by 5:00 today which was good, even threw an extra $25 in there too. Must have been feeling good and rich today lol!! BUT....i passed him on my way home which makes me immediately sad, he had a new mattress in the truck (whats that all about)!!! But i did see him goose his neck to look back in the rearview mirror as i went by......i'd like to think he was looking for me.

I went to a friends tonight for dinner, she has the great husband and two adorable children it was nice to visit and it was nice to get the perspective of her husband saying that i dont want to be with that kind of guy, and i deserve better and he sounds like such a loser who is 34 going on 16......i know all this, my heart is lagging a little behind these days.....not sure what i'm even holding onto anymore, there are sooooooo many flags and disruptive areas in his life. NOT ONE is concrete or in the correct direction.

kglast

(((HBB))) Keep hanging in there - did you see the Goos at the Tweeter???? One of my friends from work went last night too. You must be in MA?? Me too...

I know it is soooo hard, but you really need to go back and re-read your posts....they are all about him...what he is doing, what he did, what he thinks, etc... I was told this and was shocked to see that I really was writing about him all of the time -

glad he paid the loan tho....