View Poll Results: Do you work outside the home?
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Are you financially independent?

Old 04-21-2008, 09:59 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Thanks for bringing this up nowinsituaiton. I'm doing ok financially- I don't make as much as I could, but I'm getting grad school paid for, so I'm trying to see that as a plus. Hopefully school will lead to a better paying job- but more importantly something I want to do more than I'm doing now. I've been a graphic designer for 20+ years, and have always wanted to teach. Well, I'm doing that part-time and love it! I'm also showing dd that women can work hard and do well- staying home or not. I worked while AH went to school- put my teaching thing on hold- Now it's time for me to do what I've wanted to for so long.
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Old 04-21-2008, 10:57 AM
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Yes, full-time work as a teacher with part-time teaching hours (makes no sense unless you're a teacher, yourself). I am finally financially independent, although I'm married. It makes me feel secure that I don't have to "depend on" my husband (although we share the bills, responsibilities, etc.), and if god forbid anything were to happen I'd be okay financially. The down side of being officially a PT college teacher (I work PT at two colleges) is you never know from quarter to quarter if your schedule will be the same...still hunting for that full time position...
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Old 04-22-2008, 02:16 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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It is hard to be a single Mom supporting 2 kids with no child support.

I worry what the future will hold for us financially.

I hope things get better in our county with a new leader come November.

Don't want to sound cynical (sp) but I don't think anyone can save us from the mess our country is in.:praying
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Old 04-22-2008, 06:11 AM
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yes, i am financially independent.

When addict husband left, i knew he would not pay child support and i prayed very hard. I had a 4-YO and two more in diapers. I went on welfare with food stamps, the whole shot. After a bit i started back to school and learned medical transcription (i never knew that the talent God gave me for typing would be of any benefit). After a little experience in doctor's offices, i was able to start working from my home and now 14 years later am still doing that from home.

Even though i was not as "there" for my 3 boys like i would have been had i not worked, i was "there" enough that they were not left to their own devices all those years!! I'm going to have to remember to thank God for that today.. Anyway, the ex-husband only paid child support when i was on welfare - because if he did not they would quickly put him in jail. Once i got off welfare, he quit paying.

God is good, and He has a plan for our lives - even Ben Goodrich (Simon Burch) and even yours!!
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Old 04-22-2008, 09:48 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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I work full time, always have, but I am not financially independent. On Long Island, I don't even think that's possible for most people. 18 years ago, when I first got engaged to AH (he was in recovery at the time and I was raising my 3 kids (not his) on my own). I was financially independent then and remember always telling AH that I "chose" to marry him, I didn't "need" to marry him. Unfortunately, in the past 6 or so years, we've refinanced the house to get a better interest rate, did it for a shorter period of time (payments bigger) and co-mingled our funds, car payments, etc. so that right now, I could not make it on my own. Even apts. here cost so much! But one thing I have learned, never depend on anyone but yourself, and I will never make that mistake again! Today, and everyday, I do thank God for that lesson!
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Old 04-22-2008, 10:12 AM
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Its been interesting reading this. Before I would have said I am not financially independant because I have to work. Good to see different perceptions of this term here.

I now see financial independance as not relying on anyone else to get the necessities paid - bills, rent/mortgage food. I am almost there. I have a fewe debts I have been left with from the relationship, but I am trying my best to organise my finances so that these are covered. I feel really good about knowing i can afford to stay in my home. That was the biggest fear I had when breaking up with the ex, that my daughter and I would have to move to a little house like we had before, but I know now that I can manage the mortgage myself.

I know that if we need extra, there are frivolities I can cut back on, so the future is looking good!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 04-22-2008, 02:50 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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I think one of the answers should be "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F-ING KIDDING - IM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE !!!!!"
jmho
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Old 04-22-2008, 03:01 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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It is hard to be a single Mom supporting 2 kids with no child support. I worry what the future will hold for us financially. I hope things get better in our county with a new leader come November. Don't want to sound cynical (sp) but I don't think anyone can save us from the mess our country is in.
Negative thinking always left me feeling defeated. Positive thinking, on the other hand, always led to positive actions and positive results. Why not give that a try for a change? Lots of women live good lives and raise their children without a penny of child support, like me, for instance. This country isn't in a mess, and it's not going to hell in a hand basket. It's an election year. The candidates want you to believe this so you'll look to them to "rescue" you. The news media wants you to believe this because it yields good ratings. There are plenty of professional and financial opportunities for all. The positive thinkers of the world will seek out those opportunities and excel. The negative thinkers will remain stuck and a slave to their thoughts. No politician can rescue me, but I can rescue myself.

If you haven't read "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, you might want to pick up a copy and read it with an open mind.
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Old 04-22-2008, 03:10 PM
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When my kids were young, my ex and I had split custody. For at least half of those years I paid him child support. We all did just fine.

I have to admit one of the reasons I was always insistent on having a career was that I never wanted to be in the position where I could not take care of myself and my kids without a man around. Even when my first marriage (which lasted 18 yrs) was in great shape, I could not allow myself to be dependent on him.
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Old 04-22-2008, 07:59 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Not yet, i'm working but do not make enough I do not recieve any child support so I get financial aid and food stamps.
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Old 04-23-2008, 02:23 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Formerdoormat,
You don't believe things in our country have taken a turn for the worse?
The prices of everything have gone up,food,gas,phone,cable...........
How old are your children now?
It was easier just 4 years ago to pay for things,now I struggle as do many single Mom's I know.
I have worked in the health care industry for 20 years,the changes I have seen in peoples insurance is an outrage. You are paying more money than ever in deductables,co-pays. Critical medications are not being paid for,and it seems the sicker you are the more the medicine costs.
When I bought my car 3 years ago it cost 10.00 to fill the tank it now costs 30.00.
ALL these increases everywhere are taking away from my children.
Is life easier if you don't have to worry about money,yes for me it is.
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Old 04-23-2008, 07:54 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Aweda - I can so relate to you. Not that I am in that position myself, cause I am not, I make pretty good money, my kids are grown, but I still couldn't make it on my own. Our oil bill alone was about $500 a month, at least a $50 surcharge on electric, and it's just real draining. A woman I work with, a widow with grown kids, was out on disability for 3 months (had major lung surgery) and she had rent to pay (of over $1000 per month), couldn't pay it on her measly disability payments, went to DSS to get help, they told her she made too much on disability. Rents where I am are at least $900 per month (for a studio), never mind trying to get a one or two bedroom when you have kids ($1200 - $1800 per month). Then as you said, gas went up, etc. I feel for you. But as FD says, please try to think positive and say to yourself "I know I can do it" cause if you feel it, you'll do it.
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Old 04-26-2008, 10:23 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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I started work at 13, I am financially independent, once again & going to keep it that way.
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Old 04-26-2008, 11:37 AM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Working since 14 and paying rent since 16. That taught me a lot about my financial independence. Recently I got my masters which leads me down a path to make more than I have been making. So yes....I am financially independent and will be much more so when the three adult children graduate college SOON. I am keeping my fingers crossed that they will be independent as well and not look to me as a cash cow.
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Old 04-26-2008, 03:08 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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People!!! _Please_ no politics around here. I got enough problems in my life without draging politics into it.

thank you

Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
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Old 04-26-2008, 04:25 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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What Politics? Did I miss something?
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Old 04-26-2008, 08:25 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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I am so grateful that I stayed working while married to my exAH. There was a point when I could have quit, financially, but I continued working. I think I always knew that my life could change at any moment. We had nearly divorced years earlier over his alcoholism. He sobered up for 14 years (no program after one year but still did it) and I did learn trust and love with him again. But still, there was always that little boyscouty "be prepared" nagging deep within me to never again let myself be in a position where I couldn't handle raising my kids alone if it all fell apart. It did, and I was glad I had trusted my intuition.

Last edited by DesertEyes; 04-27-2008 at 08:26 PM. Reason: corrected typo by posters' request
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Old 04-27-2008, 03:30 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Our finances are comingled, but yes; I could support myself without him. I love my AH and though sometimes it is very hard to be with him, I don't plan to leave. It's nice to know that I could, however.
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Old 05-03-2008, 08:18 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by queenteree View Post
But one thing I have learned, never depend on anyone but yourself, and I will never make that mistake again! Today, and everyday, I do thank God for that lesson!
I hear you on this! I am ever so fortunate that I was able to establish myself back in the work force after a year of hanging it up to stay home and live "the good life". It is not a mistake I will ever make again.
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Old 11-28-2008, 11:29 AM
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Nope!
On disability, only work part time, credit card and student loan debt. No savings at all. Just living day to day.
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