Pick-a-name

(by the airport; my brother lived there for a short while) I'm from Massillon (Stark County)

woobie

Yep the airtraffic at times is quite loud! But I am sure I won't be here for long...we have lived in our home for 20yrs and I can't make my house payments (I am 2months behind) I work in Medina, but my daughter is a senior in the fall so I am hoping that I can stay in strongs. at least until she graduates. Rent is very high in this area, and I have learned that I cannot depend on my AH for any type of support, his money is his money and does not feel that making the mortgage is very important.

Pick-a-name

I hope you can let your daughter finish out her senior year,too. My daughter was a senior,too the year my AH divorced me; we've been in this house 22y and it is getting hard for me to take care of.

I know Medina,too;that's even closer to me! Perhaps when things settle down a bit,we can have a f2f!

woobie

After the fiasco of last week my A said that he ready to work on the marriage and he wanted me to write out exactly what I wanted him to do. I told him I wanted him to honest & open with me. Well he said write it down how I am supposed to do that. I just looked at him with awe! Well lets see open mouth....and speak the truth! He was so angry that i could not write these things out for him...is he that burnt that he needs a rulebook on speaking honestly? Then he tells me that if he honest with me there has to be conditions and a commitment from me that I will not use what he tells me against him. Well I thought about it... and told him no I was not willing to do that. If what if he says is that bad that he is worried about what others will feel and say to him do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him? NO!! I ended the conversation with your past and demons are yours- you hold them so close to you that you are pushing everyone away from you- so keep your secrets I am moving on! Boy I felt good!

woobie

Well he is out of the house! I am grateful that he is gone but at the expense of my daughter. They got into an argument and he was choking her which she then punched him in the head with her cell phone, pushed her into the stove, table and finally threw her into the wall which now there is a huge hole! I called the police and he rushed to gather some clothes and of course had to get a few more jabs in my D and she sprayed him in the face with pepper spray. He got away....he came home today and I was acting like i was upset, but not on the defense. He had the nerve to ask what happened to the wall- he said he never laid a hand on her and she just went crazy and was punching him. Yeah right! I left the house and called the cops and they got him! Yeah! Mess with me I could handle that, mess with my kids and you will be sorry! Boy is he going to be sorry, maybe now he will be forced into getting some help. At least with a restraining order he won't be living here. I feel finally at peace....pretty sad what are lives are like.

GiveLove

Woobie,

Sooooo sorry it had to come to this but, to look on the sickly bright side:

1) your daughter was not hurt, thank heavens, and
2) you don't have him there any more because of the restraining order, and
3) you're pretty darned clear at this point that both of you deserve better than life with a loser like that (alcoholic AND affairs AND a liar AND violent AND doesn't even support his own household? sorry.....but what an incredible blue chip textbook USDA choice LOSER) (not that I'm judgmental at all )

Do you have a plan to stay safe? Will he honor the restraining order? He sounds like the worst kind of drunk, jeeez violent with his own child. I worry about you and about her. Glad he's gone but hoping he stays gone. Get your own insurance, cancel the insurance on his vehicle, get off any credit cards or bank accounts he has access to and can overdraw -- separate yourself so he can't bleed you dry any more. There are women on these forums who have been separated from tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars by their addicted/alcoholic spouse. Don't let yourself be one of them.

And please be careful and please take care of yourselves

GL

Wascally Wabbit

Violence is one thing no one shoud have to live in.
Living in fear is no way to live.
Do what you have to do to keep yourself and children safe.
I hope things get better for you soon.

woobie

Thanks for your kind and supportive words! I changed the lock on the front door and I have to figure out how to change the code on the garage door. To be very honest I don't think he will obey the restraining order, he claims he did not do anything wrong and he feels that this is HIS house so IMHO why would he stay away. I packed some of his stuff, but he sooo much cra*, it will take days to get rid of all of his belongings. From what the police said he will be allowed 1 supervised visit to remove his belongs, what he leaves I will have to pack it for him or get rid of it. So now I will have to pack some of my stuff that he may take just to be a pri*k. I got a call from the PD at midnight that I needed to bring his meds up to the jail. I guess he was a little anxious being in jail, AWWWW poor baby! As much as I despise him now it goes against my nature to let him or any other person suffer from panic attacks & anxiety. I was talking to my sister in law yesterday and she said that inspite what just happened that she could tell in my voice that I cared about him. I told her of course I care about him he has been in my life for 28yrs., we have 2 kids a home & we grew up together...well I grew & he re-gressed. He is a lost soul...now he is alone.

keepingmyjoy

OMG....woobie! I am so glad he is out, but I am soo sorry about your daughter and what she had to go through! As I was reading these posts, I cannot believe how similar some things are. Mine does not go out to drink though. He has no lic due to 2 DWI's. So is home all the time! But he and my daughter do not get along (too alike!) They have already had a punchfest. I am planning my escape. I hope that now you will find peace. And you might be surprised and find that you are able to financially handle it all once you are less stressed etc. Funny how that seems to work out. Hang in there and keep taking care of yourself and your kids. I so understand what you said:

Mess with me I could handle that, mess with my kids and you will be sorry!

I am so at that point right now!

woobie

Well we had court yesterday and the judge asked him how he was pleading....NOT GUILTY!!! I thought my D was going to loose it. Then the judge asked him where he was going to live...he said at home of course. I thought the judges head was going to snap off her neck! She said, " you must be joking-YOU ARE NOT going home!" Then he wanted to know when he could go home, he is acting like this is no big deal and life will be peachy once this nuicence is over. I was so mad I wanted to spit! So he said that he was going to stay in a hotel, I know my husband he will not stay in a cheap hotel he will probably stay at one of those fancy 5 star places. When the cops brought him over to pick up his stuff he mentioned that he had a guy that was going to fix the hole in the kitchen and paint the whole kitchen. Even when he is gone, he is still trying to control what happens in the house. If this guy was the last handyman on earth I would not use him!

woobie

We had the pretrial hearing Friday, and we decided to lower the charges to aggrevated disorderly conduct in the 2nd degree with that he has court ordered 3 AA meetings per week for a year, anger management classes & drug and alcohol assement program. he accepted the new charge stating no contest- a misdeamer instead of a felony. What gets me with the law is that if he is charged with a felony that could affect his ability of employment which in turn effects me because of child support and spousal support. He did admit that he has been drinking quite heavily as of late but was not drinking that night- that makes it worse for him that he lost control when he was not drinking, but then again he could have been high. He asked again if he could move back home, NOT!! I told the prosacutor that he already went to anger management classes from a court order on a previous incident, which was resisting arrest, disorderly conduct & narcotics-which was expunged from his record. He lied of course to the lawyers- since there was no record of a conviction...it really did not happen! Typical behavior! Our homelife is very peaceful and the kids and i are coping and repairing ourselves from this ordeal. I still have not cried....that worries me- usually I have good cry to ease the frustration. I feel numb and very unaffected from the situation. Is this normal?

ICU

Wow woobie...that's some story. My heart goes out to you and your kids. Even though you might not feel it right now, you have a lot of strength!

Have you given any thoughts to some counseling for the kids (espeically in light of your daughter's attack by her father), and for yourself?


Being numb could be considered a temporary survival skill because 'feeling it all' can be so overwhelming at times. One thing I've learned is that it does eventually disappear only to be replaced with other emotions as you feel more comfortable expressing them. Again, counseling certainly wouldn't hurt.

Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing!

Oh, and a little hint for you....

Q: Do you know what happens if you don't report his very first restraining order violation?

A: He believes you have just given him permission to do it again, so he will! (been there, learned that).

(((Woobie)))

respektingme

OMG, I hope she's okay! What a disaster! Your daughter sounds tough. Good thing she won't have to defend herself like this again though. I'm guessing that experience will haunt her for years. Glad you kicked him out. Geez, how insane.

tryvia

This is kind of a non-sequitur, but it sounds like you have raised some girls who are not afraid to stand up for themselves (even under the threat of physical violence!) and refuse to take crap. I would be so proud of that if I were you.

I'm sorry everything's being so crazy right now, but it sounds like all the judges and cops you're dealing with have good solid heads on their shoulders. I wish you all the good luck one person can have.

woobie

Life seems to getting better...well at least as expected! My one daughter is still angry and i am trying to get her to go to counseling or at least an al-anon meetings, she really needs to get past this. I think AH is trying to weedle out of this charge by saying that SHE has the problem and not him because the prosacutor's office called and wanted to know if she was being treated for depression or was ever hospitalized. We will see what will happen with that. Court will be scheduled for the end of Oct., then we will be able to see how he is doing and whether or not he is serious in getting help. I got an insurance statement that he went to the doctor and got an injection and 2 scripts, I hope he got those pills that will help him not drink.

woobie

Well my story ended august 18th, my husband died. He lost another job, drinking heavily and of course lying to everyone he loved. He finally agreed to rehab which he was going to go on Tues. the 19th, of course he wanted to do it his way (which never worked). I got a call from my daughter on Monday- Mom Daddy is dead! I could not believe it, he took approx. 30 percocet's over 3 days. He has had alot of practice over the years well this time he got it right. In view of all the heartache over this past year it was a good year for us, we talked daily rarely fought- I saw a glimmer of the man I married. Granted he was a poop when it came to the divorce but that is understandable considering he never wanted it. He always said that he would never talk to me about his demons that he would rather die than tell me the truth of what he was doing in his life. Well I have his laptop which was a little portal into his life, he lived an ugly life and used drugs and booze to numb himself. I see now how he felt he had no choice, I set boundries for truth telling in his life. He wanted to come home and be a family, I refused! There was not enough proof that he was living clean, I held fast. Well now he is home on my mantle- not how he wanted but he is home, we are together he is at peace and not in pain. I am dealing with his demons it is hard to maintain respectful mourning, but I am living with the truth. I only wish he could have the courage to face them, deal with the consquences and learn to love in a healthy way. I miss him...
Laura

bookwyrm

(((laura)))

Thanks for sharing this. I hadn't found this board when you first posted. My AH dying of alcoholism is one of my biggest fears. I can't begin to imagine how you and your family are dealing with this or how you feel. Take care of yourself, my thoughts are with you.

historyteach

I'm so very sorry for your loss...
Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and all who loved him. :praying

Shalom!

denny57

So sorry for your loss, woobie. I also discovered a whole other life xAH was living and it was most painful in two ways; that I didn't know and that he thought it was so awful he had to hide it and drink it away.

Much love to you and yours.

CarolD

I too am sorry to know another lost his life to addiction.
Prayers of comfort coming your way.