Coming To Terms
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Of course you should put your child's welfare first; however, please don't spend too much time examining an alcoholic's behaviors and/or motivations so "intently." They have nothing to do with your child or you. In fact, if you spend too much time trying to make sense of nonsense, you will end up frustrated and, ultimately, with no concrete answers.
Just my suggestion .... spend your time looking intently at your own motivations for continuing any contact with someone who is in the grips of this disease. They say hateful and hurting things because they are filled with self-hate and hurting inside themselves. That's enough to know. Leave the addict to figure out why he does what he does - and he will have to do so if he chooses recovery.
Just my suggestion .... spend your time looking intently at your own motivations for continuing any contact with someone who is in the grips of this disease. They say hateful and hurting things because they are filled with self-hate and hurting inside themselves. That's enough to know. Leave the addict to figure out why he does what he does - and he will have to do so if he chooses recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
Juliaoceana,
I have been married for 15 years and my AW was truly my soulmate for the first 9. We are now virtual strangers. We have children together but share much less. This disease is progressive, manipulative and SLOWLY pulls the addict down. It might be 70% good 30% bad now but most likely it will get worse over time if the addict doesn't commit to recovery for themselves! We can't love them more, listen more, be more patient or understanding. They are the only ones that can help themselves. It's like watching a cancer patient blame everyone and everything for their disease while not taking their meds or go for their chemo or radiation. It's so frustrating. If you have a minor child I would focus on them and move on.
I have been married for 15 years and my AW was truly my soulmate for the first 9. We are now virtual strangers. We have children together but share much less. This disease is progressive, manipulative and SLOWLY pulls the addict down. It might be 70% good 30% bad now but most likely it will get worse over time if the addict doesn't commit to recovery for themselves! We can't love them more, listen more, be more patient or understanding. They are the only ones that can help themselves. It's like watching a cancer patient blame everyone and everything for their disease while not taking their meds or go for their chemo or radiation. It's so frustrating. If you have a minor child I would focus on them and move on.
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
ah is in his 5th rehab now . each time he came out he would stay sober for a short time , then hide his drinking until it was too obvious . But each time he started drinking again , he acted worse & worse . He was never violent or abusive and suddenly started showing more aggressive behavior and anger . This last time he was throwing and kicking things around while yelling at me in front of our kids .
It just goes to show how progressive the disease is . Each time he started , it progressed to a different level . I have a temp restraining order now and Im hoping to make it perm this Thursday . It will be my first time ever in court for such a thing . (I'll be all over SR that day ! hee hee)
Good luck to you hun and Im so sorry for what you are going through .. Stay with us here , we understand !
(((())))s & love
It just goes to show how progressive the disease is . Each time he started , it progressed to a different level . I have a temp restraining order now and Im hoping to make it perm this Thursday . It will be my first time ever in court for such a thing . (I'll be all over SR that day ! hee hee)
Good luck to you hun and Im so sorry for what you are going through .. Stay with us here , we understand !
(((())))s & love
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Janitw.....you really hit home with me this morning, i came on here at about 9 after crying in my bed and read your post. Your right, we are not married, no children, i should run, he's in recovery but much much much worse, the treatment i've received is unbelievable. They don't always get better, take it from me, even in recovery, he's more hateful, sneaky, angry, mean and the list goes on.....ya i think it will change but now i'm starting to see the whole picture as days go on and no contact...does he even care? probably not and there's my answer. We all deserve so much better in life, sober or not he's in a downward spiral. Ladies i can only imagine when children are involved. I'm thinking of all of you.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
If no one minds I would like to add the perspective from a recovering alcoholic and the father of a recovering alcoholic.
I stopped the crazy ride almost 8 years ago and my son joined me about a year after I started down the road of AA. Both of us continue to be active in the fellowship of AA and enjoy lives that are now full of choices.
The point that I wanted to make if I may is that when we ACOHOLICS are practicing our maddness we don't CARE ABOUT YOU, not any of you. We will say what you want to hear if by doing that we can have what we want, but understand we are not concerned about anybody but ourselves. It isn't that we are bad people, we are whatever type of person we would be sober, but when drinking we are PEOPLE DOING BAD THINGS!
No amount of love, concern, lecturing, reasoning, or down right hostile tretment will bring our thought process back in line with your needs. I have 4 wonderful grown children who now have a great relationship with me, but I had to earn that back after a few years of sobriety. I left a fantastic woman 45 days after I started to get sober and although we are good friends and even date now and then, it was a relationship of 7 and some odd years that my drinking ruined. She is bright, compassionate, and damn smart and nothing she did got me sober. She finally left our relationship to take care of herself and I recognized the loss after I had my nose out of the bottle a few weeks and moved out. It finally allowed both of us to become who we were intended to be.
If any of your addicts decide to get sober because THEY CAN'T LIVE LIFE the way they are currently then THEY WILL START GETTING THEIR LIVES BACK. You can't get them sober or keep them sober. In all due respect NO ONE AMONG YOU IS THAT POWERFUL, end of story.
Take care of yourselves and those who depend on you, and if it is supposed to be then your addicts will start taking care of themselves. Believe me, I spent 27 years and more money than anyone can spend at any Ivy League school practicing alcoholisim and that was the cost of my education about alcoholisim and recovery. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BESIDES OURSELVES. For that simple reason ONLY WE CAN GET OURSELVES SOBER.
Go out and have the life that you deserve, believe me WE WILL HAVE THE ONE WE DESERVE!!
I stopped the crazy ride almost 8 years ago and my son joined me about a year after I started down the road of AA. Both of us continue to be active in the fellowship of AA and enjoy lives that are now full of choices.
The point that I wanted to make if I may is that when we ACOHOLICS are practicing our maddness we don't CARE ABOUT YOU, not any of you. We will say what you want to hear if by doing that we can have what we want, but understand we are not concerned about anybody but ourselves. It isn't that we are bad people, we are whatever type of person we would be sober, but when drinking we are PEOPLE DOING BAD THINGS!
No amount of love, concern, lecturing, reasoning, or down right hostile tretment will bring our thought process back in line with your needs. I have 4 wonderful grown children who now have a great relationship with me, but I had to earn that back after a few years of sobriety. I left a fantastic woman 45 days after I started to get sober and although we are good friends and even date now and then, it was a relationship of 7 and some odd years that my drinking ruined. She is bright, compassionate, and damn smart and nothing she did got me sober. She finally left our relationship to take care of herself and I recognized the loss after I had my nose out of the bottle a few weeks and moved out. It finally allowed both of us to become who we were intended to be.
If any of your addicts decide to get sober because THEY CAN'T LIVE LIFE the way they are currently then THEY WILL START GETTING THEIR LIVES BACK. You can't get them sober or keep them sober. In all due respect NO ONE AMONG YOU IS THAT POWERFUL, end of story.
Take care of yourselves and those who depend on you, and if it is supposed to be then your addicts will start taking care of themselves. Believe me, I spent 27 years and more money than anyone can spend at any Ivy League school practicing alcoholisim and that was the cost of my education about alcoholisim and recovery. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BESIDES OURSELVES. For that simple reason ONLY WE CAN GET OURSELVES SOBER.
Go out and have the life that you deserve, believe me WE WILL HAVE THE ONE WE DESERVE!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi Julia,
If you look around this forum and the substance abuse family forum, you will see stories of many women who keep their children in situations with addicts & alcoholics while they hope and pray they 'straighten themselves out' and become the men they want/need them to be. As a child of such parents, I for one am really glad you are not of that camp.
The fact is that you DID dodge a bullet, I'm sorry to say. This relationship sounds horrifically unhealthy, at least from his end. Emotional abuse doesn't go away when you move in with someone or marry them....if anything, it gets worse. And from what you've described, it doesn't sound as though this is the alcohol talking...this is simply the way he is.
Do you want to sentence yourself to this kind of life?
Your head needs to step in and rescue you right now, because your heart is trying to lead you into a situation that has the potential for causing you the most exquisite pain imaginable, out of "love" for this man who apparently has little regard for your feelings at all, drunk or sober.
You deserve better than this. I know it hurts like he** but it's like going through cancer surgery to save your life -- post-op is going to hurt, but it only hurts for a while. Untreated, the cancer will kill you.
Good luck in all of this. Here's hoping and praying that you can get through this tough spell, that your son's explorations go well, and that you're able to take steps so that your life is one full of joy, not abuse.
Love,
GiveLove
If you look around this forum and the substance abuse family forum, you will see stories of many women who keep their children in situations with addicts & alcoholics while they hope and pray they 'straighten themselves out' and become the men they want/need them to be. As a child of such parents, I for one am really glad you are not of that camp.
The fact is that you DID dodge a bullet, I'm sorry to say. This relationship sounds horrifically unhealthy, at least from his end. Emotional abuse doesn't go away when you move in with someone or marry them....if anything, it gets worse. And from what you've described, it doesn't sound as though this is the alcohol talking...this is simply the way he is.
Do you want to sentence yourself to this kind of life?
Your head needs to step in and rescue you right now, because your heart is trying to lead you into a situation that has the potential for causing you the most exquisite pain imaginable, out of "love" for this man who apparently has little regard for your feelings at all, drunk or sober.
You deserve better than this. I know it hurts like he** but it's like going through cancer surgery to save your life -- post-op is going to hurt, but it only hurts for a while. Untreated, the cancer will kill you.
Good luck in all of this. Here's hoping and praying that you can get through this tough spell, that your son's explorations go well, and that you're able to take steps so that your life is one full of joy, not abuse.
Love,
GiveLove
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
PS. hbb,
Your significant other is NOT in recovery, he is simply not drinking or using! A "dry drunk" is as nasty as it gets. It is all the pain, guilt and no booze to kill the pain. Recovery comes sometimes weeks or months, depending on the person after the substance stops entering the body. I believe, and it is only my opinion, that "recovery" comes with a program (AA) or such, and a spiritual (not necessarily religious) awareness and way of approaching life.
Your significant other is NOT in recovery, he is simply not drinking or using! A "dry drunk" is as nasty as it gets. It is all the pain, guilt and no booze to kill the pain. Recovery comes sometimes weeks or months, depending on the person after the substance stops entering the body. I believe, and it is only my opinion, that "recovery" comes with a program (AA) or such, and a spiritual (not necessarily religious) awareness and way of approaching life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by DII 
This disease is progressive, manipulative and SLOWLY pulls the addict down. It might be 70% good 30% bad now but most likely it will get worse over time if the addict doesn't commit to recovery for themselves
Jfanagle, thank you for that. It hurts, but it's good to hear it straight from someone who's been on the other side.
I'm still holding on to hope, as foolish as it is. I justify it by saying "he's not as bad as a lot that are out there." "He's the greatest guy when he doesn't drink." And he is. I just don't know how much longer I can handle playing second fiddle to his drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Julia...I was not doubting at all that you are a good mother hun...no doubt you are...I commend you for inquiring into his past before you take the nest tea plunge...but tread lightly..they get very defensive when us codies probe and inquire...but do by all means keep your eyes and ears open....
Its just when we see someone coming on here and asking questions as to whether or not they should be with an alcoholic..to us...all we want to say is run hun run...we have all been through so much and we want nothing more than YOUR well being of this you can be sure...take care
Janitw
Its just when we see someone coming on here and asking questions as to whether or not they should be with an alcoholic..to us...all we want to say is run hun run...we have all been through so much and we want nothing more than YOUR well being of this you can be sure...take care
Janitw
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Even when I sit and think about it I don't really notice any change, but it must have been gradual enough that I didn't see it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner
Ever heard the frog in the pot analogy ? Scary thing is, it's like that for the alkie too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 16
I have come to the conclusion that dealing with someone on a binge is like dealing with a very sick overgrown scared child... He just screams out to be heard and yet refuses to communicate.
I understand those who think I dodged a bullet, it is all just so very sad. I know I cannot be with someone that drinks the way he does... perhaps drinks at all.
I understand those who think I dodged a bullet, it is all just so very sad. I know I cannot be with someone that drinks the way he does... perhaps drinks at all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 16
Thank you, I am so grateful for your words...
I was told by a friend that survived an alcoholic marriage for several years that when he contacted me it would be indirectly and he would take the sideways approach.. he is doing this now. He posts the same message over and over again, that I will not listen to him, and he is extremely angry at me.. the thing is, I had been begging for him to talk to me until about 6 days ago.
I have come to many terms in the last several days. I have told my friends and family, all of them, about what has happened to me with his emotional abuse. I am not alone. They are being wonderful. Knowing how much of myself I have invested they know it is a grieving process and that I may have trouble breaking free if he does finally contact me promising me the moon. I have to say I have had some deeply spiritual understandings by going through this.
I am not as angry at him as I was... it is this strange sort of pity mixed with love because the things he rants about over the internet make no rational sense to me. He talks repeatedly of what I did wrong, like he wants me to "fix" it, and then states in every way possible how "through" and "gone" he is.... He is like the little kid that tells his parents he "hates" them when punished... and he brought it all on himself. Reading him has just made me feel sorry for him, but not sorry enough to contact him. I am not going to go there, his pain is his. I cannot make him better. It is like he is at war with himself.
He tried so hard to keep the truth from me, and now he can't lie anymore he is just so angry.....
I was told by a friend that survived an alcoholic marriage for several years that when he contacted me it would be indirectly and he would take the sideways approach.. he is doing this now. He posts the same message over and over again, that I will not listen to him, and he is extremely angry at me.. the thing is, I had been begging for him to talk to me until about 6 days ago.
I have come to many terms in the last several days. I have told my friends and family, all of them, about what has happened to me with his emotional abuse. I am not alone. They are being wonderful. Knowing how much of myself I have invested they know it is a grieving process and that I may have trouble breaking free if he does finally contact me promising me the moon. I have to say I have had some deeply spiritual understandings by going through this.
I am not as angry at him as I was... it is this strange sort of pity mixed with love because the things he rants about over the internet make no rational sense to me. He talks repeatedly of what I did wrong, like he wants me to "fix" it, and then states in every way possible how "through" and "gone" he is.... He is like the little kid that tells his parents he "hates" them when punished... and he brought it all on himself. Reading him has just made me feel sorry for him, but not sorry enough to contact him. I am not going to go there, his pain is his. I cannot make him better. It is like he is at war with himself.
He tried so hard to keep the truth from me, and now he can't lie anymore he is just so angry.....
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Evening, Julia. These folks know what they're talking about. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease. My boyfriend of 25 years was one of many who failed to reach sobriety and succumbed to his disease. I will be attending his funeral on Wednesday. He was found dead in his apartment with a half gallon of rum at his side. During our last conversation, he swore he wasn't drinking. But I knew better. Yet there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him.
The vast majority of addicts are unable to reach and maintain sobriety. A few years before Richard's death, I researched those statistics myself. I don't remember the exact number any longer, but the odds aren't in their favor and the overwhelming majority of alcoholics succumb to their disease. Why don't you check out those statistics for yourself? It might help you make a more informed decision about your future.
Living with an active alcoholic is a nightmare. Watching one slowly wither away and die is heartbreaking. The damages they leave in their wake are life long.
You've spent the last 17 years protecting your son from harm. He's an adult now. How about shifting your focus to protecting yourself from harm? If you aren't watching out for yourself, who is?
The vast majority of addicts are unable to reach and maintain sobriety. A few years before Richard's death, I researched those statistics myself. I don't remember the exact number any longer, but the odds aren't in their favor and the overwhelming majority of alcoholics succumb to their disease. Why don't you check out those statistics for yourself? It might help you make a more informed decision about your future.
Living with an active alcoholic is a nightmare. Watching one slowly wither away and die is heartbreaking. The damages they leave in their wake are life long.
You've spent the last 17 years protecting your son from harm. He's an adult now. How about shifting your focus to protecting yourself from harm? If you aren't watching out for yourself, who is?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 16
First of all I would state that I am very sorry about your loss...
My mom was involved with an alcoholic for over 20 years after my father passed away. His cigarette smoking killed him, but it was either the cigs or the alcohol that would have.
I have researched the statistics, and I had my own substance abuse problem in my late teens and early 20s... in fact I abused meth for 3 years. I never used the 12 steps, I never attended an recovery program of any sort. I have been clean for many many years without the desire to use again. I do not feel as though I am diseased. My grandmother was a falling down drunk and it cost her a marriage, but she quit for 40 years before she died without AA. I could come up with story after story like that.
The stats I have viewed give 12 steps only about a 5% success rate after 5 years. From what I have been researching most programs are 12 step based. I am going to look up more stats, believe me, but if it is true that 12 steps only help people 5% of the time, then for the vast majority of people it does not seem to work... and to be honest, I have visited NA a few times and it was a counterproductive experience for me... I have been drug free going on two decades.
For those who are not willing to admit a powerlessness over their addiction and give it to their higher power, well they are basically told they have no chance. They are told there are no alternatives... when in my research it shows that most people with alcohol problems are able to quit on their own. I have had my own bout with alcohol after my marriage dissolved when my son was a year old. I was so bad at one point I contemplated a morning drink to stop the shakes. I quit drinking for several months and never went back to being more than a social drinker. I have read story after story like this .
Here is the deal, I do not know how bad of a problem my alcoholic has. I do not live with him. He lives a couple of hours away from me. I do not know how many years he has been at this. I do not know a lot of information, but it does not matter because I am not calling him or contacting him anymore because the way he has treated me. It was unacceptable, and I deserve better. I am a beautiful, intelligent, motivated, very kind person... and even if I were not I deserve respect in my personal relationships and I am keeping my boundaries.
I will say that if he does come to me and he does quit denying his problem, well there are other avenues I would give him information about before I would insist he attend AA meetings because he is an agnostic. There are more ways to skin a cat than one, and since the vast majority of people that have had alcohol issues do not die from them, only a very small percentage of people actually die from alcohol abuse or its related diseases, it seems a good thing to try many approaches.
I have read a lot about "dry drunks" on this site... who decides what recovery is? Who decides how someone achieves that? And how does being powerless in life achieve that? If I was someone with a drinking problem I would have trouble with this concepts on a deeply spiritual level.
Now do not get me wrong, I totally think that 12 steps work for those they work for.... and that is terrific! Anything that someone has success with, that is wonderful! But if an approach is not successful, perhaps it is the approach and it needs to be improved? Just some thoughts after reading and researching alternatives to God based programs....It seems to me that a biologically based organic disease has to have other avenues to healing than religion...just some thoughts.
My mom was involved with an alcoholic for over 20 years after my father passed away. His cigarette smoking killed him, but it was either the cigs or the alcohol that would have.
I have researched the statistics, and I had my own substance abuse problem in my late teens and early 20s... in fact I abused meth for 3 years. I never used the 12 steps, I never attended an recovery program of any sort. I have been clean for many many years without the desire to use again. I do not feel as though I am diseased. My grandmother was a falling down drunk and it cost her a marriage, but she quit for 40 years before she died without AA. I could come up with story after story like that.
The stats I have viewed give 12 steps only about a 5% success rate after 5 years. From what I have been researching most programs are 12 step based. I am going to look up more stats, believe me, but if it is true that 12 steps only help people 5% of the time, then for the vast majority of people it does not seem to work... and to be honest, I have visited NA a few times and it was a counterproductive experience for me... I have been drug free going on two decades.
For those who are not willing to admit a powerlessness over their addiction and give it to their higher power, well they are basically told they have no chance. They are told there are no alternatives... when in my research it shows that most people with alcohol problems are able to quit on their own. I have had my own bout with alcohol after my marriage dissolved when my son was a year old. I was so bad at one point I contemplated a morning drink to stop the shakes. I quit drinking for several months and never went back to being more than a social drinker. I have read story after story like this .
Here is the deal, I do not know how bad of a problem my alcoholic has. I do not live with him. He lives a couple of hours away from me. I do not know how many years he has been at this. I do not know a lot of information, but it does not matter because I am not calling him or contacting him anymore because the way he has treated me. It was unacceptable, and I deserve better. I am a beautiful, intelligent, motivated, very kind person... and even if I were not I deserve respect in my personal relationships and I am keeping my boundaries.
I will say that if he does come to me and he does quit denying his problem, well there are other avenues I would give him information about before I would insist he attend AA meetings because he is an agnostic. There are more ways to skin a cat than one, and since the vast majority of people that have had alcohol issues do not die from them, only a very small percentage of people actually die from alcohol abuse or its related diseases, it seems a good thing to try many approaches.
I have read a lot about "dry drunks" on this site... who decides what recovery is? Who decides how someone achieves that? And how does being powerless in life achieve that? If I was someone with a drinking problem I would have trouble with this concepts on a deeply spiritual level.
Now do not get me wrong, I totally think that 12 steps work for those they work for.... and that is terrific! Anything that someone has success with, that is wonderful! But if an approach is not successful, perhaps it is the approach and it needs to be improved? Just some thoughts after reading and researching alternatives to God based programs....It seems to me that a biologically based organic disease has to have other avenues to healing than religion...just some thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by juliaoceania
Now do not get me wrong, I totally think that 12 steps work for those they work for.... and that is terrific! Anything that someone has success with, that is wonderful! But if an approach is not successful, perhaps it is the approach and it needs to be improved? .
Al-Anon (12 steps) is not a religion. I practice the 12 steps and am agnostic. I agree, it's not for everyone, but I'll never understand the need to denigrate the program in the process of saying it didn't work for you (or someone else). It's also pointless, in my opinion, to try and come up with a sucess or failure rate for 12-step based programs, as no records are kept.
Congratulations on your own success - it isn't easy to do and I admire you for it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
Been there, there is hope
Hello all. I haven't been by latley, I had surgery but I am back and have read what everyone has wrote. My Alchoholic Husband I'll call AH has been on his ups and downs, which put me through so many What If's. What if this is for real, that he is really going to quit, what if he doesn't, what if I and the kids just stick around and it will get better because he'll see why he should quit, what if ,what if, what if? In the beggining of our relationship he went to rehab and came back sober for two years. Good times. Than he fell off the wagon and the good times went falling with him. We lost rent money, diaper money, you name it we lost it. I had to get a job and was left to be a single mother of three even though he was still somewhat present. I lost one of my jobs because I had to come home early because my oldest duaghter called me at work telling me that daddy was sleeping and there was no one there to watch her her little sister and my youngest child who was only 17 months and I lost my job. I had to drive clear across town to find babysitter so I could go to work. Than I he found my money and spent it. Sometimes the kids and I would be out of a home for a couples day while he went through his benges. No matter what I said such as, if you drink the kids and I will have to leave, or I am sorry but if you drink I am going to have end this relationship, nothing seemed to get through to him, I often thought, what is worng with me, why doesn't he love me and than you have to stop and realize that your partner is two people, one is the man you know and love and the other is the alcholoic which has no control. One time the kids were taken to my familys house becuase he passed out and he didn't know where they were, luckly I did and that still didn't trigger anything. I can keep going on the number of times my family and I have been abused by the drink but I don't think there is enough room. I have been lonely, confused, and down on my knees begging god to give me the answer, What is the right think to do? What is for the best? I love this man, I am acually suppose to think that this is it, that we are to be no more?.......Yes. My AH has finally been sober for three weeks know. In my expiernece letting go is the best thing you can ever do. I love my AH but by not taking any action or doing the unthinkable and the most torturuse things, is enabling him, allowing him to comfortabley drink with no regrets. letting go is the hardest thing to do, but I got to thinking, this is my only time on earth to, this is it for me, I want to live, I want to be free of depression, I don't want to just survive anymore, I need to let go. We are not God, its not up to us to save peoples life, all we can do is love and pray, so I loved my AH, I prayed for my AH and I let him go. He hit rock bottom. He was alone, he had nothing, he lost everything. He called someone for help, He is in classes and has a sponser, he got a new job and when he gathered that together, he got his life back and I got my AH back. Sometimes it doesn't work that way, my father will never come back, he died with the drink. But I pray for him. and God is with him, he has been saves, we have no control over anyone but ourselves, so if I have any advise for you strong women, admit it, we are strong, brave loveing souls, it is this, live your life, this is your only time to do that, love those who can't love themsleves, pray for the freedom, give them a number for help, and let them go, do not allow them in your life unless they have seeked help, tell them unless they are sober you have nothing to say or do, find a friend, find a hobey and I assure you the sun will rise again, it always does. Love yourself and don't worry, you loved them, they will see that maybe not with you but just has yourself this is there only time on earth and they have to figure out how they are going to live on this earth for themsleves. Bless you all and I'll talk to you later.
Aleks035
Aleks035
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