sorting through it.........
 

Hi,
Yesterday was our 19th wedding anniversary and I had to travel out of town on business. We had a brief moment in the morning before I left and then we talked later in the day. When I mentioned that it was 19 years hubby said "I wonder if we will make it to 20?"

He asks this question often, like he is living on borrowed time with me. It feels like pressure to me, like he wants me to assure him that everything will be ok. And sometimes I do. But other times I say something like it depends on you, and other times I say nothing.

THis has been happening more frequently lately. I don't want this pressure on top of everything else. I know it is a way for him to releive his tension about his situation.

Any suggestions?

Also, my son is graduating from high school in a couple of weeks. My sister was talking to him the other day and asking him what he wanted as a gift for his graduation. He said he wanted money so that he could get his own apartment. WHen they started discussing it he mentioned how I was going to help him find a place etc. She is concerned that he is depending on me too much to work this all out for him.

My problem: I am tired of defending my children, especially my son from well meaning family members. Understand that my sister is the closest person to me on this earth. And I understand she has a point.

OK I ADMIT IT!!!! I DID NOT DO A GOOD JOB OF RAISING MY CHILDREN AND THEY WILL BE SCARRED FOR LIFE!!!! GET OFF MY BACK!!! DONT YOU JUST WANT ME TO GET IN THERE AND FIX THIS NEW PROBLEM WITH MY SON??? MAYBE I GIVE UP. MAYBE I WILL LET HIM WORK IT OUT ON HIS OWN - I MEAN HIS SKREWED UP NESS!!!!

Ok thanks, I got that off my chest. I am tired of taking responsibility for my children and my husband's life. This is the good news I think, now I can focus on mine.

THanks as always for listening.

Rose,

It sounds like your husband is not just relieving his tension...he his relieving himself of responsibility. He throws it out there so you might feel guilty or sorry for him. My husband does that alot and it annoys me to no end. I don't have an answer for it accept that I know my own mind...he may THINK he is playing me but I know he is not!

You are becoming more aware by leaps and bounds. A year ago you would have felt guilt over your sister's comment. Today you are mad...that is progress. As you learn to act differently your sister may too.

Hugs,
JT

Inappropriate responses
 

Do addicts take a course on this or something? They seem to be so well versed in inappropriate responses.
What he should have said: Happy Anniversary honey, I love you. Thank you for all the years of love and support.
What he said: Do you think we'll make our twentieth?
Oy!!!
Rose, I'm sorry that you are carrying such a burden right now. Feel free to vent and lean on your friends here anytime pal.
Peace,
Gabe

Re: Inappropriate responses
 

I think they put instructions on the bottle! :saywhat?: BwaaaHaaaHaaa! Sorry, my poor attempt at humor. :rolleyes:

Thanks Friends,
I am feeling good this morning, this business trip is giving me a much needed break.

JT, I think you are right about my response to my sister's comment. I am making progress, it peaks through every now and then.

I am reading the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. JOhn Townsend and I am getting some good information. Thanks to the person here that recommended the book.

******{Rose}}}}

Just wanted to send you some hugs and enjoy your trip :) Sometimes I wish my job took me on trips.....oh what heaven that would be.....lol

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

Just want to say hi Rose, and send some hugs.

Next time your sister, or anyone, starts with those comments, just pull out your tiara, plunk it on your head, and say "Pardon??":king: