sadie411

I have a personal question..Last night my AH was really drunk..peed all over himself again, (which he has been doing for about a year now) but also on my sofa. This might be a no brainer to someone else, but I can't think anymore. What would you do..Should I just throw out the sofa? I keep thinking there is no way I can clean it and get that out..with the batting and foam..etc.

It just makes me sick. He also fell in the bathroom again..blood all over the toilet and tub today. I went to an AA meeting Sunday..my neighbor..his sponsor was speaking. (He was sober for about 3 months the beginning of the year.) But he refused to go. He said he didn't want to go to any meeting that he was invited to, that he would go to his own meeting. There is that logic again. If he was in a car wreck and someone called the ambulance or life flight, would he refuse to get in because he didn't decide to call? CRAZY. Anyway, need to know what to do about the sofa. I think it is going to smell.

an'ka

Sadie, the sofa is a goner. Just the thought of it being peed on over and over again--and by an adult!--is disgusting. The more important question is, are you satisfied living like this? Because you really don't have to.

Oh, and if you decide to keep the sofa, YOU should not be the one doing the cleaning.

sadie411

I tend to agree. My story is a long one. I am making plans to do whatever I have to do..leave, or whatever happens. Not easy.

un4gvn acts

The couch is going to start smelling but YOU do not clean it.
Leave the blood on the toilet & tub.

Keep going to your meetings!

sadie411

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadie411
Hi everyone..I am new here and really grateful to have found this site. All the information I have read so far is great! After 31 years of marriage to AH, I think I am getting it. Maybe..just maybe. I attended Alanon years ago and starting up again. I am living in a small town now where the Alanon group is kind of small, so also am attending the AA meetings. I don't know if my AH is ever going to get sober again..but, I realize, it isn't up to me to do that. I am trying to focus on my "character defects"..being judgemental, resentful, angry, needy, self-pity, etc. lol. Too many, so it should keep me busy for a long time. This seems to be a great place to start on that!

This is my intro..I am 61 years old..only have a small retirement ck coming in and so I need make sure I can make it on my own. I have a daughter..who will be of no help..so when I start to get SS I think I will be able to make a move. Until then, I really don't think I can afford to. But, who knows. We have a house with some equity..and I am thinking, if I hold out, maybe I don't have to split everything down the middle. I just have to take one day at a time. Some are better than others. Last night was NOT a good night to say the least.

sadie411

Thanks everyone. And no..I do not intend to clean any of it. When he falls, I just leave him to his own devices. If he can get up and get to bed..ok, but I don't help there either. I am going to keep attending the meetings. I am reading lots here and in other literature. Today, I needed to vent and get some clarity. I want to make choices that are not purely emotional. You are all great!

MsGolightly

i would also throw out the sofa... and maybe even consider getting a cheap one from a thrift store or a garage sale. that way, if it happens again, you wouldn't have wasted money on something your husband obviously thinks is a toilet.

sadie411

That sounds about right. I have two sofas...he uses one and I use the other..Maybe just let him lie on it til he croaks..making sure he knows that he peed on it.

ARealLady

((((((Sadie))))))) I'm so sorry to read about your sofa because it is horrible when the home you created gets desecrated by such human thoughtlessness. ABF is long distance and it is precisely because of stories like yours that he will stay right where he is. Last time he was up here I felt like I had to "babysit" him because of the fear he would damage MY space. (Just to digress a moment, I have a dog who gets anxious sometimes when she is left alone and has not been kind to my sofa as she has chewed some of the upholstery...but she is learning NOT to behave like that!).

Don't leave that smelly sofa where it is because it will ruin your space. Get your AH to move it outside or, if he won't, hire somebody to take it away to the dump and charge your H. Get HIM a wooden yard chair with removable cushions which HE can replace or one of those garden/poolside plastic loungers...they wipe clean!

Take care of you! More hugs!

ARL

Saint Francis

I totally understand about the sofa and can relate. In addition the the peeing issue, my AH, with the bum leg, also pooped his shorts 2 nights in a row in living room...it's too hard to make it to the bathroom but easy to get to the beer in fridge. Problem is, he expects me to do the laundry and maybe clean up the streak of it on the carpet. UGHHHHH! I'm just leaving it there for a while and spending time in another room. It's sooo disgusting. Sorry to be gross.

sadie411

Oh my AH also poops his drawers..but he always takes care of it himself. I told him that the sofa has to go and that he needs to clean the blood up in the bathroom and in the bedroom on the sheets...but..he just ignores me. I am going to leave it to keep reminding him of it. I have another bed in another room. I will stay there.

sadie411

If it were not so bizarre and tragic I would have to laugh. He just asked me if I had anything planned for dinner. I just shook my head and said..no, NOT even. He is going to ignore everything, just as he has in the past and pretend the 500 lb elephant is not in the living room! CRAZY

respektingme

First off, I'm a newbie to Al-Anon, so I can't tell you what to do. I think leaving his blood around for a reminder is a good thing. I think pitching the couch is a good idea too. If you can't replace it right now, get some Nature's Miracle. I own a Great Dane. When she has an accident, it's huge. Nature's Miracle is natural enzymes that naturally break down stuff like urine. You should be able to get it at a pet store or off of Amazon.com. I keep a gallon of it around. Just pour it all over the couch. Or have him do it. It will get rid of the urine.

Best wishes for you. That sucks. How can people be so rude. I mean, I understand that he is an alcoholic and that it's a disease, etc. How about opting to put on some rubber wading pants with suspenders so he can contain his accidents to himself instead of suscepting you to them?

If my AH did that I'd wait till he passed out and wrap his lower half in saran wrap.

splendra

((((((sadie411)))))

I don't think I would try to clean the couch or move it out. I would be interested in seeing how long it takes for him to get disgusted with it...

When they start peeeing on themselves they are pretty far gone usually...I think it is really sad. I want to say a prayer for the both of you.

I know it is very difficult for you to be around your H in his condition. I hope you will take good care of yourself and keep the focus on yourself.

respektingme

I think in theory, this is definitely the best answer. But if he's that far gone, is he likely to notice or even care that the couch stinks? Particularly enough to do anything about it? Meanwhile, his wife has to live with it?

My husband could sleep in sheets without washing them for months before he'd ever think to wash them. If I tried to wait him out, I'd be miserable. I wash our sheets every two weeks.

If she poured Nature's Miracle on the couch and soaked it, he may get drunk and lie down on it. A little soak in enzymes may do him some good.

Anyway, I think your advice is the best. Just don't know how practical is really is.

raerae6

Maybe you can get that stuff that is used to get the smell out when animals pee in the house. Or else steam clean it.

I say keep the couch, throw the AH out.

TexasGirl

Wow, can I ever relate to this!!!!!! stbxAH peed on the sofa more times than I could begin to count. I always just sat on the loveseat. I wasn't about to get a new one for him to pee on! He would wake up the next morning, and one time still not completely right, he started spraying bleach on it to clean it. Ooooookay, so now my navy blue, cute little sofa had pink splotches and was soaked in pee. Grrrrreat. I just let it be. If he wanted to sit there, fine. I wasn't about to replace it for him to give it another dousing. In fact, in a sick way, I became grateful that he peed there. I started staying up later than I wanted to so that he would pass out there and pee instead of following me to bed to pee. Wow, now that's dysfunctional!!

TexasGirl

The peeing was one of my final breaking points. I couldn't stand it any more. The morning I left, he had passed out and peed the past three nights on the couch, waking up enough to realize and take off his shorts. So when I went to work, there was a naked butt sticking up in the air laying in pee-soaked cushions. Blech.

respektingme

I don't think I could handle it. Not even so much from a physical standpoint, but from a lack of respect. I already struggle with how much respect I've lost for my AH when he gets drunk and his eyes float around like marbles in a fish bowl. If he started peeing on the furniture, I think that would be something I couldn't live with. Who knows, I may wind up in this exact same predictament someday. Guess I'll know for sure what I can handle if it does.

Mr. Christian

Now wait a tick….

You’re worried about your sofa?
You mean this going on as a whole and you living like this is not an issue?

I’m at a loss…..