more to my story
 

The drama of my life has become almost comical (or really the drama in my ex's life). He is apparently writing illegal prescriptions for his "friends" and is on a hardcore porn site.

My only thought is WTF? (hell is just too delicate of a word in this situation).

Is he a lost soul caught up in addiction? Or is he really a man with a pathologic personality disorder and I just never knew it. How could I not know/see this?

Some day this will be really funny. Right now I don't know which way is up. Do I report his illegal prescription writing? Do I just mind my own business? Did he have any emotions toward me or is he a master manipulator and narcissist (I know I am spelling it wrong and it must be driving you bonkers)? And what does this say about me - I was going to marry this man.

Whenever I ask myself that question, the answer is yes.

Yea I have to just mind my own business a lot lately

He may be a narcissist. If it's true, so what? It's a label. If you had confirmed proof he was a narcissist, misogynist, paranoid-schizophrenic, bipolar, or whatever psychological diagnosis it may be, what difference would it make? He'd still be what he is. Knowledge of something doesn't particularly make it any easier to swallow. In fact, the less I know about my AH and the workings of his mind or what sort of disorder he suffers from, the happier I am. I don't even need to go there because it serves no purpose for my own recovery.

Case in point: My AH used to collect hard-core porn and file it in lots of folders on our computer. One day I found it, so he switched to putting his files on those little hard-drive sticks that hold lots of memory. I remember several years ago telling him that his looking at that stuff to the degree he looked at it bothered me. His reply? "Hey, it's only 'eye candy.'" He missed the point entirely. But I didn't. See, I realized he didn't give a good cahoot what bothered me. Thus, I got a two-minute crash course in realizing my expectations of him behaving with any integrity or respect for others was zilch. I also started detaching at that time.

So, I guess the bottom line of what I'm saying here is, what difference does it make? He's an addict who is doing what addicts do; namely, craping on people and using them. All your post says about you is you're looking for answers in order to figure out if you were conned or if he was sincere. JMO, but having seen what my AH is capable of, and looking back on how high he turned up the charm prior to marriage, I've written it off as someone who wanted to keep me hooked until he was in a "secure" relationship. Then he went back wallowing in his addiction and showing his true colors.

Be glad you didn't marry the loser, gns. You were spared a lot more than you realize. I learned the hard way - don't try to have a rational discussion with an addict, don't try to figure out an addict, and learn to take care of yourself and to heck with the addict!

Writing bogus prescriptions is a felony. It is also fraud. I don't think you should just mind your own business. I think you better make it a mission to mind your own business. The consequences that happen to anyone with the drugs he is obtaining illegally are only secondary charges.
Here's the real point. Someones name is on the top of those prescriptions. They deserve to know. Some pharmacy is filling those prescriptions. The serious ripple effect to this can be life threatening. I would be no part of a felony or live with the burdon of knowing now if anything ever happens to anyone using those drugs.

You are right mallowcup, it is not only a felony but people are being indirectly hurt by his being high everyday! Even though he is not "high" at work.

He is a PEDIATRICIAN and moreover a program director (a role model??)

My brother-in-law plans to report him after we sell the house. I want to report him, but I have mixed motives, I want to see him suffer. He is currently leading on another woman saying he loves her and is on this hardcore porn website.

On one hand I wish someone had told me, but then who am I to be policemwoman especially when there is an element of revenge for me.

You are right many of my recent posts have been about is he a sociopath or not. I don't know how to emotionally go on. Do I think there is very little reddeming about him (sociopath), or feel bad for him and pray for him (from a DISTANCE?). Also isn't it important to know how deluded I was?

Hey there gns, I'm sorry you are going thru this hardship.

If I may toss in my .02 worth. If you are a _witness_ to a crime, if you have some kind of evidence of these illegal prescriptions, then you do have the choice of reporting him. If it's only what somebody else has told you then it's just gossip and not _your_ responsibility.

If you could find yourself in any kind of danger from him, or from the people for whom he is writing those illegal prescriptions, then I suggest you _first_ see to your own safety before you even think of turning him in.

As to what kind of man he is? He's an addict, and the more you focus on _him_ instead of on your own recovery the longer it will take to put this behind you.

What does it say about you? That you've come a long way and have learned a lot. That you are looking out for yourself and making a better life for yourself. What are you doing to help you focus on your own recovery today? How are you taking care of your own needs today? Me? I went out and spent a couple hours browsing around my fav bookstore and got a small gift for my sponsor :)

Mike :)

Believe me every dog has his day. Living well is the only way to get any balance back in your life and the only form of revenge that won't come back and bite you...

I wonder have you talked to any of his former exs...would you have believed them if they tried to tell you about him? Chances are his new g/f wouldn't believe you.

I think it is important for you to know how much in denial you were I hope you never forget it or fall for another man that is addicted.

He will get caught in due time, it will happen. It takes solid proof and you don't have it.

Instead of analyzing his problem, trying to figure them out,spending countless hours on the net researching what is wrong with him, work on figuring out what your problems are, and addressing them.

Just write him off, and move forward with your life, he has, and, so must you.