dragonflysister

My sister has just recently admitted that she is an alcholic. As myself, my family, and several of her friends have know for many years now and have tried several times to guide her in the right direction, we now find ourselves at a lose. We want to be sure we are all able to give her all of the support that she needs and deserves. We just need some advice on what we should and should not do to support her. We are a family that loves to eat and would like to know if it is okay to still cook some of her favorite dishes...such as Chicken or Veal Marsala, Chicken Picatta...mainly dishes that contain wines??? We would really appreciate any advice anyone can share. I would especially like to hear back from anyone that may not live near a sibling....as I live 10 hours away from my sister and need to know how to provide support to my sister, along with my parents and her children from such a long distance away.

Taking5

As I understand it, most cooking alcohol is consumed by the cooking itself, and there is no more alcohol in one of these dishes than you naturally find in foods like bread, orange juice, etc.

If you google "cooking wine substitutes" you will also find plenty of ideas.ry

But this is very, very minor in the big picture. Of far more importance to your sister is what is she going to do to achieve sobriety? Is she in rehab? Going to AA? Please let us know.

gr8tful2day

The best advice I can give you is to pick up a copy of the Big Book of Alcohoics Anonomous and read it cover to cover. There is a chapter specifically for :"The family afterward"

God Bless

thinkmink

al-anon literature can help give guidance on the ways to be supportive. The trick is how to be supportive without being enabling. The hardest thing for me to figure out was how my helping hadn't been helping. The alcohol does cook out of those dishes you mentioned, but for some the flavor itself can trigger a craving for alcohol...so it's best to proceed with caution. You can certainly be part of a great support network for your sister and family despite your distance.

Zoey

Can read Big Book on line at http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

sadie411

The sticky notes at the top are very good. It teaches us (the family, friends) of an A what we need to know or assess about ourselves. Detachment with love is a biggie, as well as learning what co-dependency is. Alanon meetings are very important..even if you live some distance away from your A. Learn all you can. This is a good place to start. You are not responsible for their drinking. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Keep coming back!

CE Girl

Hey DragonFly,,Welcome to SR,,

This is a good place to start. Read, read, read, this site is FULL of helpful information.

My sister has been a recovering addict for the last 30 years. She's has relapses, with one coming with an announcement on Christmas Day.

I know how you feel. When you first come to the realization, you are consumed with how to help them. What I have learned through al anon, reading, and SR is I can't help her or my A unless they WANT the help to begin with. What I can do is make sure I take care of myself. And try to live by example, so the REST of my family does the same.

Is your sister in recovery?

Peace

DII

Actually, I've been through many family programs as part of my wife's inpatient programs and the answer is NO. Alcohol of any kind is alcohol! As a matter of fact if your sister is in active recovery NO alcohol should be consumed or served while she is part of family gatherings.

CarolD

This is from my files on cooking + aalcohol

A study conducted by the US Department of Agriculture’s Nutrient Data Laboratory calculated the percentage of alcohol remaining in a dish based on various cooking methods. The results are as follows:

Preparation Method
Percent of Alcohol Retained

alcohol added to boiling liquid & removed from heat
85%


alcohol flamed
75%


no heat, stored overnight
70%


baked, 25 minutes, alcohol not stirred into mixture
45%





baked/simmered, alcohol stirred into mixture:


15 minutes
40%

30 minutes
35%

1 hour
25%

1.5 hours
20%

2 hours
10%

2.5 hours
5%

dragonflysister

Wow...I don't even know where to begin...Thank you all for your quick responses. I will look into each and everyone. My sister began her fall to rock bottom within the past few months. Her daughter moved out, her marriage of 20 of some some years ended after a 5 year separation. She did begin an out patient program at a local hospital and has attended a couple of AA meetings. From what she has told me she has even seen her doctor for some sort of medication to help her with her desire to drink....if any of this is true...I am not sure. She has an exceptional gift for twisting the truth.... Despite all of her twisting...I will continue to pray for her sobrity...I have faith that she will get through this.