bubblebox

Is this common? I had a short relationship with an A who I didn't know was one. He went of with another A, the relationship didn't last now he has a new girlfriend who apparently is totally cool with his drinking and is helping him quit.

He made me feel bad and it's taken the best part of a year to regain my self esteem and confidence and trust in men.

Is this how it feels for others?

Pilgrim

It's very common.

If he is truely and alcoholic, no one human or relationship or threatened consequence can make an alcoholic quit drinking if they don't want to quit. His new cool girlfriend will find that out soon enough. Thank goodness your relationship was short.

dollydo

Sometimes a relationship is just not mean't to be, drinking or no drinking.

If he is still hitting the bottle, he will continue to get worse. This is a progressive disease, that has no cure.

Consider yourself lucky, and move forward with your life...there are alot of nice guys out there who do do not drink or drug, and would be happy to be with you.

raerae6

Yes. It is not unusual to have your self esteem and trust in men shaken up after what happened.

Just know that you deserve better. Try to move on with your life and not think about what he is doing. Like the others said, he will probably only get worse, and you are better off without him.

I know how you feel, hugs, Lisa

bubblebox

Thanks for your posts.

I'm doing ok now just nice to hear others have been though similar experiences. For a while I felt I was the only one until I found this forum.

I know others have experienced far worse too.

splendra

(((((bubblebox))))

For your sake I am glad it was a short relationship. I hope you will consider yourself lucky that he left you.

One way to feel better is to take responsibility for your feelings realize that he did not make you feel bad you allowed it to happen. I am not condoning his behavior but our reactions to them is totally in our control....

CE Girl

Hi Bubble,,Welcome to SR,,,

When I first came here, the way the good people on the boards put it to me was that I should HOPE he moves on and finds someone else.

I thought they were NUTS!!!

I mean, what if that someone else was successful at what I failed at. Getting him sober and having a successful relationship?

I've sinced learned that A's who "replace" us are simply looking for someone ELSE to enable them. I guess that means, i was successful when it came to not accepting the BS for ME.

My low self esteem is slowly being replaced with PRIDE for myself and not settling for less than I deserved.

I hope you keep reading/posting. SR is a good place to start to find that pride

Peace

gr8tful2day

Hi There,

I am married to a recovering alcoholic who isnt working the program any more, and my self esteem has been completely destroyed. It has been four years, and I am a shell of who I once was. I am glad for you that you have moved on, rebuild your self esteem and work on trusting yourself ...trust for men..that is a mute point when you trust yourself.

Hang in there and so will I.
Hugs,
Leah

Tally

My self esteems been quite low in the past too. It was low when I met my A and then got even lower as the relationship progressed...It's only now I'm starting to take a bit more pride in myself and stuff, not sure why, maybe because I'm focussing on me more and not him and his problems....I kinda eventually figured out that I'm worthy too...

denny57

If she was so cool with his drinking, she'd let it continue.

It takes time, but moving on is possible and pleasurable.

((()))

bubblebox

Thanks for all your responses. I know I'm the lucky one reading posts on here - I don't have to think about this issue. I both feel jealous of her and sorry for her at the same time (the new gf). She doesn't know he is an A not really - he just told her he was on a detox. I have nothing to do with him but heard on the grapevine 'everything is cool because he is on antibuse. I don't know too much about it but can't think that this will solve all his problems overnight.

I am happy to have moved on. I can't think that this new girl is any more understanding or caring than me, she just knows less at the moment. maybe she thinks her love with change everything ... ahard lesson to learn that it won't.

She will have to have the same feelings of betrayal when she found out he wasn't honest with her.

Thanks for the posts.