New here, Sociopath/Drunk question....
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
New here, Sociopath/Drunk question....
HI, I am new on the forum, and happy to be here. All the threads and posts that I ve read are really helpful and real.I need some feedback.
I am a single mom, and my babys father is a severe wake up in the morning ,drink vodka,stay out every night drunk. He wasnt this bad when we met, or even as we dated. But, when I got pregnant, it was like his addiction went into overdrive.
My child is 2 1/2 years old today. And I have had enough. I have endured things at the hand of this man that I shudder to think of, let alone ever keep admitting to others in my life.
The joy that I used to feel is gone. I feel that my spirit is broken and I often feel like he has been conciously trying to break me.
Obviously, I have tried to lead him to rehab, therapy(dual diag),counseling(couples), in any effort to improve the parenting partership.
I pay for everything. He claims that he is too mentally unstable to work, has no home or address, and this is the way that things have been devolving quickly for two years.Child support is futile...Jail is not the answer.
Every second of everyday is a manipulative attempt on his part to lie and trick. I wont even go into the women/ promiscuity. I have not been with him sexually for a long time, and CANT emotionally bear the idea.
Recently, I have made the choice to disallow him from spending ANY time with his son. HE IS CRUSHED. He claims our son is the only thing that keeps him from dying everyday. I have no trust left, and actually fear that I will never be able to kiss another man, let someone hold me, or believe a word that any man would say to me.
MY QUESTION;I have read a book recently about sociopaths, and many of these things read like my life, except the goal is access to his drug. For the sociopath, the goal is often just control.
Has any one seen or known the difference? A sociopath for sociopath sake is one thing; A concienceless person without the ABILITY to feel. But, an addict who is acting this same way, is doing so for the relief that the drink will bring. I know plenty of alcoholics who do not act like sociopaths, but this man is sooodangerous to my life.I just feel like I will never be rid of the darkness. I am soo sad and I fear that my son will learn to be this way.
Does sobriety change the person from malignantly harming the ones closest?
Any insights would be appreciated. Thanks so much, and thanks for being here!
I am a single mom, and my babys father is a severe wake up in the morning ,drink vodka,stay out every night drunk. He wasnt this bad when we met, or even as we dated. But, when I got pregnant, it was like his addiction went into overdrive.
My child is 2 1/2 years old today. And I have had enough. I have endured things at the hand of this man that I shudder to think of, let alone ever keep admitting to others in my life.
The joy that I used to feel is gone. I feel that my spirit is broken and I often feel like he has been conciously trying to break me.
Obviously, I have tried to lead him to rehab, therapy(dual diag),counseling(couples), in any effort to improve the parenting partership.
I pay for everything. He claims that he is too mentally unstable to work, has no home or address, and this is the way that things have been devolving quickly for two years.Child support is futile...Jail is not the answer.
Every second of everyday is a manipulative attempt on his part to lie and trick. I wont even go into the women/ promiscuity. I have not been with him sexually for a long time, and CANT emotionally bear the idea.
Recently, I have made the choice to disallow him from spending ANY time with his son. HE IS CRUSHED. He claims our son is the only thing that keeps him from dying everyday. I have no trust left, and actually fear that I will never be able to kiss another man, let someone hold me, or believe a word that any man would say to me.
MY QUESTION;I have read a book recently about sociopaths, and many of these things read like my life, except the goal is access to his drug. For the sociopath, the goal is often just control.
Has any one seen or known the difference? A sociopath for sociopath sake is one thing; A concienceless person without the ABILITY to feel. But, an addict who is acting this same way, is doing so for the relief that the drink will bring. I know plenty of alcoholics who do not act like sociopaths, but this man is sooodangerous to my life.I just feel like I will never be rid of the darkness. I am soo sad and I fear that my son will learn to be this way.
Does sobriety change the person from malignantly harming the ones closest?
Any insights would be appreciated. Thanks so much, and thanks for being here!
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Welcome adobe, glad you're here. Help will be along shortly, it sounds like you've got a long journey ahead of you. The darkness does not last forever, recovery will bring you into the sunlight, Al-Anon can be an immense help in situations such as yours.
Stick around recovery and you'll hear this often: Didn't cause it, can't control it, can't change it. AKA the 3 C's.
Yes, sobriety can help in preventing further harm to our loved ones. But from my experience, I was the only one who could make the decision to seek sobriety and recovery, and I'm the only one responsible for keeping myself sober. You can't force him to stay sober, you're not powerful enough to do that or even to make him drink.
Try to keep the focus on you and being the best parent you can be to your son. My ex recognized the need to be happy and healthy for our children while I drank myself into oblivion. Eventually my eyes opened to the disease of alcoholism, and now our kids have two healthy parents. Whether your A decides to sober up or not, your child deserves the best that you can offer.
Stick around recovery and you'll hear this often: Didn't cause it, can't control it, can't change it. AKA the 3 C's.
Yes, sobriety can help in preventing further harm to our loved ones. But from my experience, I was the only one who could make the decision to seek sobriety and recovery, and I'm the only one responsible for keeping myself sober. You can't force him to stay sober, you're not powerful enough to do that or even to make him drink.
Try to keep the focus on you and being the best parent you can be to your son. My ex recognized the need to be happy and healthy for our children while I drank myself into oblivion. Eventually my eyes opened to the disease of alcoholism, and now our kids have two healthy parents. Whether your A decides to sober up or not, your child deserves the best that you can offer.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Eventually no matter your relationship with "the father" he most likely will be able to get visitation through the courts. Try never to leave your child alone with him.
I left my husband when my child was only two. He cont. to have every other weekend and holiday visitation with his dad. Even tho most of his time was me,he is like his dad in so many ways and is an addict now since a teen. Do all you can to get yourself in a recovery program + counseling to determine your own issues and be the best you can be as that is the most you can do to help your child. Figure out why you were attracted to a emotionally unavailable acoholic to try and change that attraction. learn how to have healthy relationships so that you have one as a mother. This is a tough time for you, But remember the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference."
I left my husband when my child was only two. He cont. to have every other weekend and holiday visitation with his dad. Even tho most of his time was me,he is like his dad in so many ways and is an addict now since a teen. Do all you can to get yourself in a recovery program + counseling to determine your own issues and be the best you can be as that is the most you can do to help your child. Figure out why you were attracted to a emotionally unavailable acoholic to try and change that attraction. learn how to have healthy relationships so that you have one as a mother. This is a tough time for you, But remember the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference."
So sick of Love songs
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Exactly where my HP intends for me to be!
Posts: 83
Are you in Al Anon? If not I would get to a meeting.
I don't know the difference between a sociopath & an alcoholic but I can tell you this: My life was out of control before I found SR & Al Anon. I was the insane mad crazy person not my AH. Living with an Alcoholic can make a sane person feel crazy.
Take the focus off of him & put the focus on you. Get into a program & work it!
The one thing that has given me any peace is admitting that my life is unmanageable & that I am powerless. Powerless over alcohol & my AH.
Detachment - has givin me peace. I would read everything I could on detachment.
Keep posting & welcome to SR
I don't know the difference between a sociopath & an alcoholic but I can tell you this: My life was out of control before I found SR & Al Anon. I was the insane mad crazy person not my AH. Living with an Alcoholic can make a sane person feel crazy.
Take the focus off of him & put the focus on you. Get into a program & work it!
The one thing that has given me any peace is admitting that my life is unmanageable & that I am powerless. Powerless over alcohol & my AH.
Detachment - has givin me peace. I would read everything I could on detachment.
Keep posting & welcome to SR
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