sthrnraizd

So much has happened, transpired over the last couple of months. I have done the thereapy thing, bought I think 10 books, printed out volume after volume of articles just to get over the guy.
I have made tremendous steps from where I was towards where I am going. But now I am getting tired of everything, the therapist, the books, this forum, I just want to close the door and keep going. I doubt however that is the best option...but I must decided in the end what is best for me...
.....it seems like recovery is taxing me now. Maybe it is because in the "cause" of recreating my life I know have too many things going on? Not trying to fill empty space as trying to do everything that I havent for so long. I do not want to :care: for anyone, I feel somewhat selfish.
I guess I am venting, ranting, and Im not even sure really what about :-)
Maybe I am feeling stressed....LOL if so it's by my own doing..
Thanks for reading!~

Astro

Vent away and rant all you need to!

I know when that weird funky feeling comes over me I've hit a wall in my recovery, I'm stuck or blocked and need to make a change. Maybe I need to try a different meeting, a different program, or maybe I'm falling into old habits and need to get back on track. Finding balance is especially hard, but I know when I've found it by the overwhelming feeling of satisfaction.

Hope you find some peace and serenity soon.

un4gvn acts

I too have felt like this. I bought all the books, gone to every meeting possible, researched, printed off mounds of paperwork from the interent....till I felt so overwhelmed that I wanted to give up.
I felt like I had too much on my plate!
My sponsor could tell that I was becoming stressed when @ my meetings and i told her that I was feeling out of control. That is when she told me to focus on one thing. Figure out what was most important to me then give that one thing all of my time, effort & energy.

To me that one thing is my recoery.

denny57

This is the point huge change in me started to happen. It helps to know that whatever decisions I make for myself today, I can change my mind tomorrow.

((()))

Spiritual Seeker

I need breaks from time to time. I totally understand

dollydo

I've been there, I backed off for a week or so, then I knew I had to go back to my recovery full force, and when I went back it seemed so natural, so right...it was like a vacation, I enjoyed it, but, I knew I had to go back to work.

cagefree

Been there a couple weeks back - loved un4gvn's approach - focus on one thing, the most important thing.

That's what I wound up doing and I rounded the corner on my anger streak right afterwards. You'll get through this weird funk, tho it may not seem like it right now.

You're not selfish for only wanting to take care of you right now. Afterall, we are only responsible for ourselves.

HKAngel24

I know where you are at. I am currently there too. I feel like I take big steps and than find my thinking dipping back into dangerous territory. For me it's not just the actions and the forward focus- it's the need to turn off all feelings that romance the past or for that matter, the future.

I get mad because I do not see anymore progress. I get mad because I WISH there was some money-back guarentee program I could have in order to feel good about myself and move on with my life. I guess we must just remember that as long as we are facing forward, we are okay. I get anxiety alot usually it's the strongest when it's regarding something I cannot control or I feel like my feelings are out of control/mind racing/like I do not have choices about the way that I am feeling.

When I reexperience these moments I'm like - WHY oh WHY haven't they subsided?! Then I lose confidence in myself, in my process and as usual the negative voice clears its throat and says, "Did you REALLY think you could do recovery right? Take care of yourself? What were you thinking."

Anyways, I'm veering away from relevancy right now- but I think the bottom line is that maybe we won't always surge ahead with our recoveries- maybe as many say- we need to honor where we are at, because that is where we are suppose to be at that moment.

queenteree

I feel that way at times too. I feel sometimes that "normal" people don't need to work on their "recovery" and sometimes I want to just be "normal" and have a "normal" relationship. But really, what is "normal"? Probably what we call people who don't have to worry about recovery. They say a better word for "normal" is "healthy", and in scope of things, if you think about it, recovery is "healthy" even for "normal" people.

denny57

My therapist has a fancy term for it, but it's along the lines of recycling. Occasionally revisiting the past to be able to move forward. In other words, I feel like I've gone back to square one, but when I emerge from it, I'm that much further along on my path. It seems to be true for me.