minnie

I typed a huge response to you, taz, however I have deleted it as I have no wish for this to turn into "one of those" threads.

All I will say is that my tolerance for alcohol will rise with consumption and decline with abstinance. As far as I know, I do not have an inherent physical issue with alcohol. I also know of quite a few people who have used drugs recreationally and did not become addicted, nor increase their usage. You may be correct in your assertion, but not based on the "evidence" you have provided.

Of course, alcohol and drugs operate on a different pysiological level, especially given the manner of ingestion, however, is there really a difference in results beyond legality and cost? Numbing negative emotions, chasing a high, giving a false sense of worth or confidence etc etc - what's the difference on a practical level?

Knowledge of what happens at a cellular level is of little use to those who are around people using in that way. In fact, a little of that knowledge can be a dangerous thing and lead to people staying because "he has a disease and it's not his fault." I queried the distinction made between drugs and alcohol on this particular thread because I'm not certain that the scientists are being that definite about it yet. Besides, I really can't see the relevance, tbh.

GlassPrisoner

Excellent point !

I would suggest the same attitude for the disease vs not-disease debate. Who cares what we call it ?

BeastGarden

You've asked a very probing question. I consider myself an alcoholic, but I also consider myself an extremely good person. I lost my father a year ago and a brother who drowned trying to rescue someone in August past. (He was an EMT.) I am just a very emotional and sensitive person who takes things hard. I got into the bad habit of drinking to drown my pain. Once you do that, a physiological and psychological cycle kicks in.

I can only speak from my own experience. I have never hurt anyone more than I hurt myself. I couldn't bear it. That said, there is definitely something "selfish" about imbibing spirits to avoid pain. It is YOUR pain. If I were to drink myself to death it would undoubtedly hurt many people.

It is fear of this that brings me here to answer questions like this.

I am pretty certain of this much. Alcoholics have a conscience. Sometimes it is a deep seated conscience and this is what leads them to drink. Their tolerance for emotional pain is low and they reach for something...

Perhaps it is this part of your mother that you sense with your instincts.

As for why you find women who are addicts, it would seem you are looking for what is on the surface. It is the woman on the inside that you seek. Imagine your mother without the alcohol. Perhaps ask her where and why she started to drink and it will help you produce this hypothetical person. Then look for that person.

In the end, I think these are problems that afflict a wide spectrum of humanity. Some are good - Some are evil. Some use alcohol because they are so shallow and selfish that they need substance X to "fill" them. Some are so sensitive that they cannot tolerate the "average" conundrums of everyday life. Your mother is probably the latter. Look for that sensitivity.

choublak

It was already established back in the era of Bill W that alcoholism isn't a question of morals...

m1k3

Nope, that's just the party line. There are plenty of people who consider alcoholism a moral issue. I really don't see much of a moral difference between excessive drinking and excessive eating.

I personally don't believe in morals or right or wrong as they are simply distinctions in what is acceptable behavior. Opinions in other words. Your immoral behavior may be completely moral in my book depending on the circumstances. I don't have much use for black and white points of view. To me everything is pretty much some shade of gray as there are always extenuating circumstances.

That is why I am firmly in the "there are choices and there are consequences" school.

Your friend,

langkah

Lots of interesting responses. I've learned to keep addicts at arms length after trusting a few and being burned.

If I get burned by a good-but-sick person doing bad things or a genuinely bad person doing bad things it doesn't change the quality of the harm done. When I'm nursing my wounds I don't care the least bit at what level deep inside them resides their latent Little Angel.