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How do I handle my husband?

Old 05-18-2003, 07:58 PM
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RocksAnn
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How do I handle my husband?

He is a 24/7 drinker. He gets in the car and buys more beer and goes to work drunk. Since we have been married he has been sent home 3 days in a row for being drunk at one job they gave up and let him drink, he brought a 18 pack to work everyday. Then we moved and he got fired from the last job for drinking after sitting home for a year and half and not looking for a job. Got another job. Sent home again for being drunk. They also, gave up and let him drink.

What if he gets in a car accident and kills someone and I loose my house by getting sued? Does anyone know if this can happen? The vehicles are in my name.

He doesn't pay any bills. Works for beer! Won't give me any money. I got 6 credit cards racked up and have to pay all the bills and buy groceries. I quit drinking 6 months ago and he says I've lost my mind. Quess, I have.
 
Old 05-18-2003, 08:06 PM
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(((((((RocksAnn)))))))))

I know this must be really difficult for you, but you've found the best place to be. So many here have such great wisdom, and they will help you so much. I'm still learning, as I just found this site in January.

Look at the top of this forum, and you will see some "stickies". These have so much information, and is a good place to begin.

One of the first things I learned was to quit counting how much he drinks. It will drive you insane, and you need to focus on yourself for now. Do you have a job to help out with the bills?

For today, do something nice for yourself--and keep coming back!

Lyn
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Old 05-19-2003, 03:47 AM
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Hi RocksAnn and welcome to the forum.

Your post kind of got my attention, "How do I handle my husband". Well, I think if any of us could handle our husbands and control their drinking, we wouldn't be here. It's just not possible.

What you can do is handle yourself. Take care of you. The cars are in your name, don't let him drive them. If he takes them, then I would think he would be responsible for anything that happens but being married and if you both own the home, I am sure legal issues would insue. I am in a situation now that is long and too involved to get into but bottom line is, $hit happens when they drink and drive and its not good.

You need to protect yourself and take care of you and can I mention, always read the fine print on any paperwork you have.

I am sure this wasn't much help but its how I see it. Read the stickies (power posts) on the Al-Anon and Nar-Anon forums and the posts in general, I am sure they will be helpful.

Take care.
Many hugs,
Debbie
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Old 05-19-2003, 03:11 PM
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Hi RocksAnn.
I totally agree with barbiedeb. You can't change them no matter how hard you try or threaten. My husband and I hit the bottom of the pit and it still didn't do much good. However, he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and they say that that was the reason he was drinking so much because he was self-medicating. He was violent at times, very wreckless in decision making, etc... His drinking slowed down and hasn't quite stopped yet. Probably won't. He's lost job after job. It was awful! He would take our last ten dollars and go buy beer even if the baby needed diapers.

Yes..he got a DWI and wrecked my car. He was responsible even though the car was in my name only. As far as your house goes if he hurts someone......I'm not sure about that.

You need to take care of yourself.

Keeping posting~~~~~~~~~~~~((((((((((HUGS)))))))))


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Old 05-19-2003, 05:29 PM
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Hello

Welcome! You can't "HANDLE" your husband! You can't "HANDLE" anyone but yourself. Just focus on you and take care of you that is about the best you can do. I wish you luck!
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Old 05-19-2003, 05:42 PM
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RocksAnn:

I too have a 24/7 beer man in my life. Goes through an 18 pack daily. My head knows that I can't stop it, slow it, or alter it in any way. But, letting go is far, far easier said than done.

It is truly hard to imagine that these folks perfer alcohol to being with their families and doing normal things, but the evidence is that's the case.

BRAVO! On your decision to quit drinking! Don't know how difficult that was for you, but your health and well being are better off.

Keep coming back. We have so many experiences in common here, even if you can't "fix" your situation, you'll at least be able to rid yourself of that feeling of losing your mind.
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Old 05-21-2003, 10:22 PM
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Smile Thanks everyone...I'm back!

I lost permission to post for some reason and had to change my user name...but, it's me RocksAnn. I wanted to reply sooo bad to a lot of these posts, but couldn't. I've already learned a lot here and it's only been a few days!

My husband drinks every waking moment 24-36 beers a day (everyday)(Icehouse!) How is this possible?!:dead:
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Old 05-22-2003, 04:51 AM
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(((((((Tigeress)))))))))

It must have been frustrating to not have your user name work! I have no explanation for that. But Tigeress is a good name!

If you've been lurking for several days, I'm sure you've learned a lot. Keep coming back. Everyone here cares, and can help so much. They won't try to make decisions for you, but they are all good "listeners", and can share their insight on things.

My husband doesn't drink all day, but starts every evening the second he gets home--whiskey. I don't know how a man can put so much away in a short time either! I use to figure out how many "drinks" is was, by the shot, because 1 shot is equal to 1 beer. A year ago, he drank a minimum of 24 drinks a night. I'm sure it's much more now, but I don't count.

Mine never passes out (wish he would sometimes), but manages to keep going no matter how much he drinks--like it's an endurance test or something.

All I can say is, you need to really spend time taking care of you. Do nice things for yourself everyday--even if it's just to go spend time walking among the flowers to clear your head and your senses. You can't change him, but you can change the way you deal with him. Trust me, it takes work, I'm still "working" on me! I'm not saying by any means that this is your fault, because it's not! You just need to take care of yourself so that his alcoholism does not affect you mentally and physically anymore. You will be so much better for it! Looking forward to talking with you!

Lyn
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Old 05-22-2003, 06:03 AM
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Rocksann (Tigress)

I'm glad you are back My husband used to be a 24/7 drinker. Now he binge drinks. I call the stuff "DEMON ALCOHOL" because it brings out the worst in those who drink all the time and even some who just drink occasionally. It makes families cry and tears them apart. It totally takes control of alcoholics. Eventually it takes control of everyone around them. ONLY IF YOU LET IT! You stay strong, and stay focused on you and your kids and you will find peace. I have found peace finally after I let go of the fact that I have no control over his actions. NONE! He is in control of himself and if he chooses to live his life this way then I have a choice to stay or leave. This is a journey to find peace in your life and you are just beginning.

Stay strong and email or post whenever you want feel like it...
I really do care. We'll be here for you!

(((((((Hugs)))))))

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Old 05-22-2003, 11:25 AM
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Yep. Life is changing for the better for me. The heck with him! I have no kids to see this happening. Good thing. We have 3 cats and 2 dogs.
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Old 05-22-2003, 11:46 AM
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WOAH!!!

Oh boy if I were you .... I would get at least one
those vehicles OUT of your name!

I'm an addict and was driving around in a car that was in
my mom's name for years..."luckily" nothing happened... but I
got to tell ya...I really did put that car in some dangerous/risky
situations.... my mom got hip and signed that car over to me
giving ME complete responsibility for MY choices...

The way I see it... if you love him...cool...you go right ahead and
love him...BUT.... protect yourself from his disease
in any way you can.
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Old 05-23-2003, 09:29 AM
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The vehicles are in my name because I bought them. The house is in both our names(mine first) because we are marrried. I bought the house too. He owns nothing.
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Old 05-23-2003, 09:59 AM
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Sheesh kitty..this might sound kinda scary but...
Is there a way to forbid him from driving your cars?

I mean..maybe it's time he paves his own way..
gets a ride to work.... takes a bus...a cab..
anything but drive drunk in your car.

He will kick and scream ...no doubt
as an addict I know how delicate that ego is...
but he's doing this to himself...
He dosn't need to take you down with him
it just dosn't have to work that way...
I must seem... pushy
sorry... I just see a disaster ahead... eek.
what do you think?
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Old 05-23-2003, 04:33 PM
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I laughed out loud at the title for this thread.

I have never met an alcoholic or an addict who was "handled" by anything other than cops, psych-techs with straps, judges, guards, morticians, and maybe, finally, hope to god....by their "bottom."
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Old 05-23-2003, 07:00 PM
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Myah
He would love that if I took away the cars. He would not work. If he doesn't buy beer, he does not buy anything at all. (maybe a burger once and awhile) Out of 5 years we have been married he hadn't worked 3 years. I also, own all the credit cards and my name is on all the bills. We survived on credit cards and my income alone. The credit cards are up to $13,200 now. He pays for nothing. He quit giving me grocery money last week, so I don't go. I just buy the minimum.

Jon
I myself have 3 DUI's in my life. In fact, one cleared off the insurance today. I had 5 beers on the beach on my Birthday, got pulled over going to the motel. Went to jail in a bikini. That was the 2nd time in a bikini!! Costed me $15,000 in insurance and everthing that went with it. I also, payed for my husband's last DUI. That's why I quit. It was very simple one night after a concert and I had 6 beers and drove home. Said to myself, STOP and I did. (been 32 weeks today)
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