Baby Steps
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Baby Steps
I'm really happy to report that yesterday was the first time that, when AH came to get the kids, I didn't get all worked up and let the anger take over. It's also the first time he's had them that I haven't spent the whole time worrying about them.
After taking the advice of the wise folks here, I've stopped talking to AH unless absolutely necessary. I've also started making a big effort to change my train of thought to my HP whenever I find myself dwelling on AH in any way. It's really helped with detaching. I used to mentally practice all the witty, biting things I'd say to him to "make him see the truth." Now I'm coming to accept that silence is the only thing that's good for me. Why get myself worked up for nothing? Because when I talk, all he'll ever hear is blah blah blah, unless he decides to face reality.
We go for our divorce Friday. (It was supposed to be yesterday, but my lawyer went away for the weekend. Gotta love lawyers!!LOL) He has refused to read the divorce agreement and says he will just lie to the judge and say he's read it. He recently got a personal loan for $3000, and has blown every dime ~ it never crossed his mind to get an attorney to read his divorce papers to make sure they were in his best interest. He's so deep in denial, it's his MO that if he stays ignorant about things, they aren't true.
The old me would've been chasing him down, making sure he followed the law and understood the terms of divorce. There are financial/legal things in there that will bite him in the butt if he doesn't read and follow them. But I've finally accepted that it's not my job to make him do the right thing. It's time for him to face the consequences of his actions without "mom's" help.
Wow, it sure feels lighter without carrying his burdens with me!!!! Thanks for all your help, gang. I have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm finally headed down the right path.
After taking the advice of the wise folks here, I've stopped talking to AH unless absolutely necessary. I've also started making a big effort to change my train of thought to my HP whenever I find myself dwelling on AH in any way. It's really helped with detaching. I used to mentally practice all the witty, biting things I'd say to him to "make him see the truth." Now I'm coming to accept that silence is the only thing that's good for me. Why get myself worked up for nothing? Because when I talk, all he'll ever hear is blah blah blah, unless he decides to face reality.
We go for our divorce Friday. (It was supposed to be yesterday, but my lawyer went away for the weekend. Gotta love lawyers!!LOL) He has refused to read the divorce agreement and says he will just lie to the judge and say he's read it. He recently got a personal loan for $3000, and has blown every dime ~ it never crossed his mind to get an attorney to read his divorce papers to make sure they were in his best interest. He's so deep in denial, it's his MO that if he stays ignorant about things, they aren't true.
The old me would've been chasing him down, making sure he followed the law and understood the terms of divorce. There are financial/legal things in there that will bite him in the butt if he doesn't read and follow them. But I've finally accepted that it's not my job to make him do the right thing. It's time for him to face the consequences of his actions without "mom's" help.
Wow, it sure feels lighter without carrying his burdens with me!!!! Thanks for all your help, gang. I have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm finally headed down the right path.
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