New here and a bit of a vent
New here and a bit of a vent
Hello. My name is Cindi and I live in south Florida. I and new here, but not to Alanon.
I am a bit weary today as my husband relapsed (drugs and alcohol) last night and is in detox as of 10 am today. We have 5 children (4 mine 1 his) # still at home, 19, (expecting a baby in July) 12 (has sevrious mental health issues) and 8. (He has been "my" son since he was 18 months old)
I have read a lot of program stuff today and it helps. Yet I still am looking for feed back. I was unalbe to go to a f2f meeting as I had no one to tend the younger children and my 19 yr old just can't handle them being pregnant too.
My husband was clean and sober for 7 years before we married (I have know him all his life) We have been married 4 years last month. His first relapse was a month after we were married and he has had several since....
I live moment to moment with the grace of my HP I can get though the next moment.
my sponsor is away for surgery and I couldn't reach any one in my home group.
I just need to vent a bit. I am detaching with love. Just ask my 2 ex husbands..... both are alcoholics too...
this isnt about them.... it just to give you a bit of hx about me....
I have been praying about what I need to do for me. I really love my husband and family.
the catch is that My step sons bio mom is a crack addict and I have no legal rights to him if I divorice my husband. and I dont have the resources to fight for him. (his boi moms family) I think I need to step back wiat to sure of what I am going to do. for now I am praying for an answer. I cant live with the madness of this disease. it is greatly affecting our children, expecailly my son who has schizoaffective disorder (my 12 year old). I have always had a full plate, with my children. I am frightened and tired. if I stay let this go on, then My children learn not to take care of them selves and to be codependant. ( they already have a head start there.
If I go, then I feel like I have failed again and I really love my husband.I just hate this disease.
Thanks if you made it this far. Warmly, Cindi
I am a bit weary today as my husband relapsed (drugs and alcohol) last night and is in detox as of 10 am today. We have 5 children (4 mine 1 his) # still at home, 19, (expecting a baby in July) 12 (has sevrious mental health issues) and 8. (He has been "my" son since he was 18 months old)
I have read a lot of program stuff today and it helps. Yet I still am looking for feed back. I was unalbe to go to a f2f meeting as I had no one to tend the younger children and my 19 yr old just can't handle them being pregnant too.
My husband was clean and sober for 7 years before we married (I have know him all his life) We have been married 4 years last month. His first relapse was a month after we were married and he has had several since....
I live moment to moment with the grace of my HP I can get though the next moment.
my sponsor is away for surgery and I couldn't reach any one in my home group.
I just need to vent a bit. I am detaching with love. Just ask my 2 ex husbands..... both are alcoholics too...
this isnt about them.... it just to give you a bit of hx about me....
I have been praying about what I need to do for me. I really love my husband and family.
the catch is that My step sons bio mom is a crack addict and I have no legal rights to him if I divorice my husband. and I dont have the resources to fight for him. (his boi moms family) I think I need to step back wiat to sure of what I am going to do. for now I am praying for an answer. I cant live with the madness of this disease. it is greatly affecting our children, expecailly my son who has schizoaffective disorder (my 12 year old). I have always had a full plate, with my children. I am frightened and tired. if I stay let this go on, then My children learn not to take care of them selves and to be codependant. ( they already have a head start there.
If I go, then I feel like I have failed again and I really love my husband.I just hate this disease.
Thanks if you made it this far. Warmly, Cindi
Cindi,
WELCOME!!! It sure sounds like you're plate is full and you have lots of decisions to make. I have 4 kids and a husband who is Bi-Polar. My son has Aspergers Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is ADHD. So I can sympathize with you. Last year my husband went into Detox and I used the time to comfort my kids. I was upset and tired so I took some time to relax with the kids while the madness was away. I took the time to reflect on what was important in my life(my children) and tried to sort things out. I made the decision to stay. Finally after much heartache I just decided to stop dealing with it. I stopped putting him first and his problems. Me and my kids come first now. It's really working for us. My husband is understanding that I'm not playing games anymore and that he doesn't have control over me. I just don't react to him and his actions anymore and he is finally getting it! You will truly know when you've had enough. I promise! Try to relax and rest while he is gone. You sound like you really need it. Take care and keep posting.
((((((((Hugs))))))))
2many2count
WELCOME!!! It sure sounds like you're plate is full and you have lots of decisions to make. I have 4 kids and a husband who is Bi-Polar. My son has Aspergers Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is ADHD. So I can sympathize with you. Last year my husband went into Detox and I used the time to comfort my kids. I was upset and tired so I took some time to relax with the kids while the madness was away. I took the time to reflect on what was important in my life(my children) and tried to sort things out. I made the decision to stay. Finally after much heartache I just decided to stop dealing with it. I stopped putting him first and his problems. Me and my kids come first now. It's really working for us. My husband is understanding that I'm not playing games anymore and that he doesn't have control over me. I just don't react to him and his actions anymore and he is finally getting it! You will truly know when you've had enough. I promise! Try to relax and rest while he is gone. You sound like you really need it. Take care and keep posting.
((((((((Hugs))))))))
2many2count
Thanks
Last night started out to be a long night, after putting the kids to bed, I watched t.v. and hung out on line. I was actuly searching for a place to get an on line Alanon chat or meeting when I stumbled across here. I went to bed about 12:30 am. I left the t.v on and fell asleep, but kept waking up. around 3 am I said to my self this is enough and truned of the tv ans slept til 8:30 am thinking about why I was so down is that I have this nagging what if feeling? I havent yet heard from my husband. I was sorta expecting to hear from him before it got too late last night. around 9:00 pm I stated wondering whet if he left detox and went back out?
what if he is never comming home?
what if he hooked up with someone to drink / get high with ....
this kept me unsettled even though Iprayed everytime I had a what if thought.
Toady I am better. if he left the detox center last night, HE left. and if her got high, HE got high.... If I work my steps I am not focsing on him I am focuing on me. today I will live just for today....
right now I will ask my HP to help me feel peace and calm and work MY program.
Thanks for responding. Today I will nurture myself and my family...
Warmly, Cindi
My 22 yr old has BP and ADD too, my 12 yr old has been treated for ADHD since he was 4 years old. his dx has changed (progressed) to include BP, OCD and now The Dr added Schizoaffective disorder.
My 19 yr old has ADD and suffers from PTSD too.
My husband has ADD too.
what if he is never comming home?
what if he hooked up with someone to drink / get high with ....
this kept me unsettled even though Iprayed everytime I had a what if thought.
Toady I am better. if he left the detox center last night, HE left. and if her got high, HE got high.... If I work my steps I am not focsing on him I am focuing on me. today I will live just for today....
right now I will ask my HP to help me feel peace and calm and work MY program.
Thanks for responding. Today I will nurture myself and my family...
Warmly, Cindi
My 22 yr old has BP and ADD too, my 12 yr old has been treated for ADHD since he was 4 years old. his dx has changed (progressed) to include BP, OCD and now The Dr added Schizoaffective disorder.
My 19 yr old has ADD and suffers from PTSD too.
My husband has ADD too.
"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones, and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." Victor Hugo
Dear Cindi,
I normally post on the NA or substance abuse page, but had an urge to read some posts about those struggling to deal with the addicted. There are tears clouding my eyes as I read your post. I am 31, been married for ten years and have been an addict since I was ten. my father was an addict growing up but always felt like I was taking care of the problem, I couldn't be the problem. I have a saint for a husband but I have put him him and my two children through hell. Shame is not even apppropiate for what I feel. My husband has told me he can't live like this anymore. I used to not think much about it. he was upset and he would still want me. His health is in pretty bad shape and he needs me strong. I have committed myself to cleaning up and getting in charge of my life again. I appreciate you sharing your struggle. It has to be harder than I could imagine to cope with all that you are facing. I just wanted to tell you you have helped keep my focus on my recovery and my family. I truly wish I could tell you a magic cure for your husband. With addiction though we must ultimately make the choice to change. God bless you as you go about your day and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
-Tammie
Dear Cindi,
I normally post on the NA or substance abuse page, but had an urge to read some posts about those struggling to deal with the addicted. There are tears clouding my eyes as I read your post. I am 31, been married for ten years and have been an addict since I was ten. my father was an addict growing up but always felt like I was taking care of the problem, I couldn't be the problem. I have a saint for a husband but I have put him him and my two children through hell. Shame is not even apppropiate for what I feel. My husband has told me he can't live like this anymore. I used to not think much about it. he was upset and he would still want me. His health is in pretty bad shape and he needs me strong. I have committed myself to cleaning up and getting in charge of my life again. I appreciate you sharing your struggle. It has to be harder than I could imagine to cope with all that you are facing. I just wanted to tell you you have helped keep my focus on my recovery and my family. I truly wish I could tell you a magic cure for your husband. With addiction though we must ultimately make the choice to change. God bless you as you go about your day and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
-Tammie
If I go, then I feel like I have failed again
I am not saying leave...but that is not the reason to stay.
Hugs,
JT
Hi cindi
just want to give you a big squeezing hug (((((((cindi))))))
I believe your HP is working in you and will show you the way.
continue to pray and ask for guidance in your decisions.
Last year for me came the crushing double blow that my adult daughter was an alcoholic and my son was BP, i thought our family was close but i now see there were lies and denials.
I thought my life was over when i realized i couldnt save them.
Thank God alanon was there, i found out how to let Go and let God. I found out I wasnt alone. I found out everyone must live
their own life.and i am still learning.
2stop thanks for the "go to sleep in peace God is awake." I was
able to say those words and sleep in the days worry over took me. I hope your getting the help you need not just for your family but more importantly for yourself, God bless you as you seek recovery.
love
liddy
just want to give you a big squeezing hug (((((((cindi))))))
I believe your HP is working in you and will show you the way.
continue to pray and ask for guidance in your decisions.
Last year for me came the crushing double blow that my adult daughter was an alcoholic and my son was BP, i thought our family was close but i now see there were lies and denials.
I thought my life was over when i realized i couldnt save them.
Thank God alanon was there, i found out how to let Go and let God. I found out I wasnt alone. I found out everyone must live
their own life.and i am still learning.
2stop thanks for the "go to sleep in peace God is awake." I was
able to say those words and sleep in the days worry over took me. I hope your getting the help you need not just for your family but more importantly for yourself, God bless you as you seek recovery.
love
liddy
Thanks
Tammy I will keep you in my thoguhts and prayres. I can't imagine your pain. or my husbands as an addict. But I know your husbands pain all to well. the feeling of helplessness to help you. the feeling of rejection, the feeling of exasperation of being able to live with the insanity and to protect ourselves and our children from the ones we love. It is so hard to love and set boundries. bu nature whe we see some one hurting we want to reach out and help. but like letting our children pcik them sevles up when they fall, some times you just have to trun your head and let them figure it out. the message I want to get across (which is hard to do often in a email) it that NONE of this is about HIM . it is about ME and the choices I made and contiune to make.
My marriage is improtatn to me and we have lots of life's problems. I can handle just about anything. (Our elsest daughter had a still born 18 months ago.. the mental illness, I am talking hard hard stuff.) the one thing I can't live with is the aditction stuff. It is such madnees that I cant live walking on egg shells.
My husband is home from detox and shared with me that he felt out of place there... everyone else was detoxing form oxycotton (sp) or herion.. and he is just a crack addict....
I just shake my head.
what a typical dope feined thing to say... yet I know that it dosnt matter what one uses, it is the fact that they use....I am going to take a nap while my little one is napping and my 12 yr old is intranced with a movie on tv.
I will make a f2f meeting today. I need it badly.
I am grateful for you all here.
I will be back. I think I fet in just right here.
Hugs, Cindi
My marriage is improtatn to me and we have lots of life's problems. I can handle just about anything. (Our elsest daughter had a still born 18 months ago.. the mental illness, I am talking hard hard stuff.) the one thing I can't live with is the aditction stuff. It is such madnees that I cant live walking on egg shells.
My husband is home from detox and shared with me that he felt out of place there... everyone else was detoxing form oxycotton (sp) or herion.. and he is just a crack addict....
I just shake my head.
what a typical dope feined thing to say... yet I know that it dosnt matter what one uses, it is the fact that they use....I am going to take a nap while my little one is napping and my 12 yr old is intranced with a movie on tv.
I will make a f2f meeting today. I need it badly.
I am grateful for you all here.
I will be back. I think I fet in just right here.
Hugs, Cindi
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