Held out hope for the last year all for nothing
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 207
Held out hope for the last year all for nothing
Hello all
It's been over a year since I posted. I see some familiar names still here. Read of some sad outcomes of being with an alcoholic.
For those that may or may not remember me, I last was dating an alcoholic for over 3 years. He had been homeless, in and out of jail, in and out of hospitals, rehab 3 times, a halfway house etc and always returned to drinking.
He had been in jail for the past year for breaking into his bosses house ( theft ). He was still on probation for when he broke into my place (I live with my sister ) guess he needed a way to get booze.
I only visited him once in jail. I did however, still take his calls. I thought I was strong and had moved on. I dated a bit in the last year, but deep down, I had hope. I thought THIS TIME was it. He talked of going to AA in jail, of classes, of change, of knowing his bottom was death if he went back to drinking etc.
Well, much to no one's surprise - he got out and right back to drinking. He is living in a bad part of town with some older guy he met in jail. He told me at the time the guy was in there for assaulting some guy who hurt his dog. I looked at online records on my state and that too was a lie, the guy was in jail for child sex offense!
So I'm sad. I'm sad that I held out hope. I'm sad that I really think (and so does my counselor) that alcohol will kill him. That will be his bottom as nothing else seems to be. I knew he'd probably never change, but a small part of me thought - surely - after a year in jail and all the other crap - he'd never drink. He told me before he got out that he got accepted into a half way house. I do think that was true, but I also think that once he got out, got some freedom - all bets were off and they sure were. I did grow for the better in some ways. I didn't go pick him up from this guys house when he called begging me to do so. And I tried to keep my cool (well, not so good at that) when he started with the lies and being nasty. And I hung up when I felt myself getting too upset. He hasn't called much at all since he got out - guess he found another person to con and to enable him - he always does.
It's been over a year since I posted. I see some familiar names still here. Read of some sad outcomes of being with an alcoholic.
For those that may or may not remember me, I last was dating an alcoholic for over 3 years. He had been homeless, in and out of jail, in and out of hospitals, rehab 3 times, a halfway house etc and always returned to drinking.
He had been in jail for the past year for breaking into his bosses house ( theft ). He was still on probation for when he broke into my place (I live with my sister ) guess he needed a way to get booze.
I only visited him once in jail. I did however, still take his calls. I thought I was strong and had moved on. I dated a bit in the last year, but deep down, I had hope. I thought THIS TIME was it. He talked of going to AA in jail, of classes, of change, of knowing his bottom was death if he went back to drinking etc.
Well, much to no one's surprise - he got out and right back to drinking. He is living in a bad part of town with some older guy he met in jail. He told me at the time the guy was in there for assaulting some guy who hurt his dog. I looked at online records on my state and that too was a lie, the guy was in jail for child sex offense!
So I'm sad. I'm sad that I held out hope. I'm sad that I really think (and so does my counselor) that alcohol will kill him. That will be his bottom as nothing else seems to be. I knew he'd probably never change, but a small part of me thought - surely - after a year in jail and all the other crap - he'd never drink. He told me before he got out that he got accepted into a half way house. I do think that was true, but I also think that once he got out, got some freedom - all bets were off and they sure were. I did grow for the better in some ways. I didn't go pick him up from this guys house when he called begging me to do so. And I tried to keep my cool (well, not so good at that) when he started with the lies and being nasty. And I hung up when I felt myself getting too upset. He hasn't called much at all since he got out - guess he found another person to con and to enable him - he always does.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
((brdlvr)),
Its hard.
Ive been avoiding SR for a couple days and the last 3 posts Ive read I needed to read and can relate to.
Sometimes it just hurts. I dont have any advice, except, dont beat yourself up for believing. Its my nature to hope for the best.
I hear some self doubt in your voice. Ive been there. It doesnt help.
Take good care of yourself. Do something you want to do thats healthy. Its a journey, lots of stops along the way are invaluable.
I'm sorry you are hurting.
Its hard.
Ive been avoiding SR for a couple days and the last 3 posts Ive read I needed to read and can relate to.
Sometimes it just hurts. I dont have any advice, except, dont beat yourself up for believing. Its my nature to hope for the best.
I hear some self doubt in your voice. Ive been there. It doesnt help.
Take good care of yourself. Do something you want to do thats healthy. Its a journey, lots of stops along the way are invaluable.
I'm sorry you are hurting.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Today is the first day ...
oh you know the rest
This is the time to change. This is the time to make it all right for yourself and with yourself.
Who/what/where do you want to be? What are your dreams? Don't be afraid to be shallow or "selfish". You only get one precious life. What do you want to look back on when the end is near for you? What kind of life would have made you fulfilled?
I say do that.
oh you know the rest
This is the time to change. This is the time to make it all right for yourself and with yourself.
Who/what/where do you want to be? What are your dreams? Don't be afraid to be shallow or "selfish". You only get one precious life. What do you want to look back on when the end is near for you? What kind of life would have made you fulfilled?
I say do that.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Hey BrdLvr,,,(((((((()))))))))
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it
Remember those? There in that tooll box you got last year. Open it up. You have lots to share with us newbies,,,
Peace
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it
Remember those? There in that tooll box you got last year. Open it up. You have lots to share with us newbies,,,
Peace
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