Weird things going on here...
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Weird things going on here...
I have not seen or spoken to my exabf since finding out he was cheating last week. He called here 10 times in 90 minutes that night after our final breakup but I havent' heard from him since. He's in jail (as many of you already know) so he can't just show up here. Weird thing is I keep "feeling" him around the house. I can SMELL him. I'll be sitting watching TV or working on the computer and I'll catch a whiff of his scent. I was sleeping last night and woke up because I could smell him in the breeze blowing in my window. I could've sworn he was standing outside! I can sense his presence. Another weird thing is the baby monitor. It would always get interference just before my cell phone received a text message and I usually knew before the phone even alerted me because the monitor would make weird staticy noises (kind of a t-t-t t-t-t t-t-t-t very obvious noise) just before the phone would beep. The monitor has been doing that and I keep waiting for a text but it never comes. (I should point out that he is the ONLY person that sends me text messages) The monitor doesn't make any weird noises any other time!! Its kind of freaking me out. I'm worried that maybe something happened to him. (He was extremely depressed when I saw him last--with good reason!) I think I would feel better if I called the jail to make sure he was ok because I don't want to talk to his family and get sucked back in. I'm scared because the last time I felt someone's presence they had died. It was my dad.
Please tell me someone else has experienced weirdness like this and its all my mind. We always had a very strong connection. I used to think it was cool that he called or texted every time I "felt" he was going to or when I needed him to. Seemed like he could read my mind at times. I know some of you on here have that too with your A's. Have you ever had something like this happen after you were apart?
Please tell me someone else has experienced weirdness like this and its all my mind. We always had a very strong connection. I used to think it was cool that he called or texted every time I "felt" he was going to or when I needed him to. Seemed like he could read my mind at times. I know some of you on here have that too with your A's. Have you ever had something like this happen after you were apart?
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I don't see why they would release him. He's only finished 1 week of a 90 day sentence (45 jail/45 treatment). I can't see them letting him out before he's at least completed the 45 day treatment program (which he is supposed to do AFTER the 45 days in the jail). He looked TERRIBLE the last time I saw him. He was so sick and depressed. He wouldn't look at me, just kept looking at the floor. The 2 weeks before he went in he was a nervous wreck. He was sick to his stomach the whole time. Said jail was the worst place he's ever been and he thought he would never have to go back. He was scared to death of going back there. That along with his depression the last time I saw him and now this. I'm concerned. But hoping that its all just my mind obsessing and making things more than they are. The man practically lived here. I still have his shaving cream in the bathroom. Maybe that's where the smell is coming from???
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Originally Posted by dobiediva 
I don't see why they would release him. He's only finished 1 week of a 90 day sentence (45 jail/45 treatment). I can't see them letting him out before he's at least completed the 45 day treatment program (which he is supposed to do AFTER the 45 days in the jail). He looked TERRIBLE the last time I saw him. He was so sick and depressed. He wouldn't look at me, just kept looking at the floor. The 2 weeks before he went in he was a nervous wreck. He was sick to his stomach the whole time. Said jail was the worst place he's ever been and he thought he would never have to go back. He was scared to death of going back there. That along with his depression the last time I saw him and now this. I'm concerned. But hoping that its all just my mind obsessing and making things more than they are. The man practically lived here. I still have his shaving cream in the bathroom. Maybe that's where the smell is coming from???
Wow, the worst place in the world, BESIDES no alcohol. Maybe he'll find a girlfriend there?
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Originally Posted by dobiediva
...I keep "feeling" him around the house....I can SMELL him.....I'll catch a whiff of his scent.....I can sense his presence.
Have you ever had something like this happen after you were apart?
Have you ever had something like this happen after you were apart?
My counselor said that some people are able to feel that connection more so than others. She also advised that I fill my life (and my mind) with more positive thoughts....as we tend to attract what we 'give off'.
As 'our connection' began to diminish, or rather, after I 'let go' more and more, those sensations also began to disappear. Right now they are much too fresh in your mind for you! If it helps to put your mind at ease, I see nothing wrong with calling the jail to check on his status this one time.
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Under stress one's imagination can run wild.
Have you thought about tossing all "His Stuff", if you are not taking him back there is no reason to keep it. Seeing his things could be a trigger for these thoughts.
Have you thought about tossing all "His Stuff", if you are not taking him back there is no reason to keep it. Seeing his things could be a trigger for these thoughts.
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yes dobie, i felt those strong radar signals, too. i could feel him put his hands on the bed beside my head and say my name, like he was waking me up. night after night.
take this times a thousand and i experienced things like this every day, all day long with my ex. i had never had this happen before. i thought we had a connection....literally. and we probably did.
i could predict by just what i was feeling when he was going to call. or show up.
it was part of my sickness, too.
as time has went on, it has diminished tremendously since he is gone. only because i work at it very hard. how does one work on it???? i would redirect my thoughts everytime i had the feeling.
it was really sad for me to let this go......because i loved him so much and losing this last tie, was really saying goodbye.
take this times a thousand and i experienced things like this every day, all day long with my ex. i had never had this happen before. i thought we had a connection....literally. and we probably did.
i could predict by just what i was feeling when he was going to call. or show up.
it was part of my sickness, too.
as time has went on, it has diminished tremendously since he is gone. only because i work at it very hard. how does one work on it???? i would redirect my thoughts everytime i had the feeling.
it was really sad for me to let this go......because i loved him so much and losing this last tie, was really saying goodbye.
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(((ohh dobie))) i know what you mean. i had that connection with someone. i have the most vivid dreams about ah. they are so so real! last night i had a dream that he was having an affair with two women. i was confronting both. i wake up with an extreme headache and heart pounding. i run down stairs, nope, passed out in the basement, but the dreams i have about him are so so real. i'm mad at him all day about those dreams.
maybe it is just the fact that you know he is in jail and is not around that your mind is reacting that way. maybe, your just adjusting to being alone without him.
i think it is fine to call the jail to put your mind at ease dear.
maybe it is just the fact that you know he is in jail and is not around that your mind is reacting that way. maybe, your just adjusting to being alone without him.
i think it is fine to call the jail to put your mind at ease dear.
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Hey (((((((DD))))))),
I thought the "connection" and karma was kool in the begining of the relationship too. All warm and fuzzy cause isn't it cute the spirits gave us that gift to know the core of my partner,,,
Now, I see it in a different light
I know its the spirits reinforcing that I'm doing the right thing with detachment and boundarys
Its my codieism that plays tricks on me
See, the "feel" now from the spirits is he's spiraling down hill. Because one of the gifts we've been given is "free" will. It's up to me to decided what to do with that.
I can either let my codie behaviour take over and twist and turn all worried about if he's ok and take action to find out. OR, I can see it for what I BELEIVE it is and listen to my spirits and take it as a sign I am doing the right thing for ME.
I go with the later,,,
When the codie part of my mind takes over, I play the tape through. Each and every time I worried or fretted about my A, I was sorely disapointed when I tried to help him.
Since my decison to detach, when I listen and realize its a sign I did the right thing cause he STILL isn't getting it, I expereince peace and serenity within myself.
Yes, I love him, yes I want him to get better, yes, my codie l'il self wishes it could be different, but the REALITY in these "feelings" is my leaving him is making things spiral down even QUICKER for him. And if he's gonna fall, I want to still be standing
My hope is someday, spiriits willing, if he contiues to destroy himself that "feeling" will go away
And if by some miracle, he gets well, I trust the spirits will give me that feeling too
It's a matter of how I interprut it
By the way, the only OTHER person in my life that I had that "feel" with was my dead husband. I could smell him too after he died. Feel his head beside me on the pillow at night. In the early months after his death, I could almost "call" on him when I needed him. I don't think the spirits were making me "feel" that because they wanted me tohelp him,,,,LOL. I think it was part of the process of "letting go"
Peace
I thought the "connection" and karma was kool in the begining of the relationship too. All warm and fuzzy cause isn't it cute the spirits gave us that gift to know the core of my partner,,,
Now, I see it in a different light
I know its the spirits reinforcing that I'm doing the right thing with detachment and boundarys
Its my codieism that plays tricks on me
See, the "feel" now from the spirits is he's spiraling down hill. Because one of the gifts we've been given is "free" will. It's up to me to decided what to do with that.
I can either let my codie behaviour take over and twist and turn all worried about if he's ok and take action to find out. OR, I can see it for what I BELEIVE it is and listen to my spirits and take it as a sign I am doing the right thing for ME.
I go with the later,,,
When the codie part of my mind takes over, I play the tape through. Each and every time I worried or fretted about my A, I was sorely disapointed when I tried to help him.
Since my decison to detach, when I listen and realize its a sign I did the right thing cause he STILL isn't getting it, I expereince peace and serenity within myself.
Yes, I love him, yes I want him to get better, yes, my codie l'il self wishes it could be different, but the REALITY in these "feelings" is my leaving him is making things spiral down even QUICKER for him. And if he's gonna fall, I want to still be standing
My hope is someday, spiriits willing, if he contiues to destroy himself that "feeling" will go away
And if by some miracle, he gets well, I trust the spirits will give me that feeling too
It's a matter of how I interprut it
By the way, the only OTHER person in my life that I had that "feel" with was my dead husband. I could smell him too after he died. Feel his head beside me on the pillow at night. In the early months after his death, I could almost "call" on him when I needed him. I don't think the spirits were making me "feel" that because they wanted me tohelp him,,,,LOL. I think it was part of the process of "letting go"
Peace
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Dobie,
Through this whole post you've talked about how he felt and looked. It was all to manipulate you, remember that. His manipulation is working because now you are OBSESSING about him. Remember that he is in jail because of HIS actions and he's experiencing the consequences of HIS actions.
I wouldn't want to call a jail to find out if someone who cheated on me was alright. It would be out of my hands and time for me to let go.
Earthworm
Through this whole post you've talked about how he felt and looked. It was all to manipulate you, remember that. His manipulation is working because now you are OBSESSING about him. Remember that he is in jail because of HIS actions and he's experiencing the consequences of HIS actions.
I wouldn't want to call a jail to find out if someone who cheated on me was alright. It would be out of my hands and time for me to let go.
Earthworm
Originally Posted by dobiediva
I don't see why they would release him. He's only finished 1 week of a 90 day sentence (45 jail/45 treatment). I can't see them letting him out before he's at least completed the 45 day treatment program (which he is supposed to do AFTER the 45 days in the jail). He looked TERRIBLE the last time I saw him. He was so sick and depressed. He wouldn't look at me, just kept looking at the floor. The 2 weeks before he went in he was a nervous wreck. He was sick to his stomach the whole time. Said jail was the worst place he's ever been and he thought he would never have to go back. He was scared to death of going back there. That along with his depression the last time I saw him and now this. I'm concerned. But hoping that its all just my mind obsessing and making things more than they are. The man practically lived here. I still have his shaving cream in the bathroom. Maybe that's where the smell is coming from???
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Originally Posted by dollydo
Under stress one's imagination can run wild.
Have you thought about tossing all "His Stuff", if you are not taking him back there is no reason to keep it. Seeing his things could be a trigger for these thoughts.
Have you thought about tossing all "His Stuff", if you are not taking him back there is no reason to keep it. Seeing his things could be a trigger for these thoughts.
I don't need to smell like a man. lol
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Originally Posted by hopeangel
(((ohh dobie))) i know what you mean. i had that connection with someone. i have the most vivid dreams about ah. they are so so real! last night i had a dream that he was having an affair with two women. i was confronting both. i wake up with an extreme headache and heart pounding. i run down stairs, nope, passed out in the basement, but the dreams i have about him are so so real. i'm mad at him all day about those dreams.
maybe it is just the fact that you know he is in jail and is not around that your mind is reacting that way. maybe, your just adjusting to being alone without him.
i think it is fine to call the jail to put your mind at ease dear.
maybe it is just the fact that you know he is in jail and is not around that your mind is reacting that way. maybe, your just adjusting to being alone without him.
i think it is fine to call the jail to put your mind at ease dear.
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(((DD)))
"alcoholic radar"......this has gotten me to thinking. Perhaps much of it is my own mind games and obsessions (all the mental traps I can fall into if I am not careful) that often makes me feel this way. Also; missing him and the familiar patterns,etc. I have (still do) experience some of these things. Thinking more about it, I have experienced it with other losses,too.....just not to this extreme (because I wasn't obsessed?). Little things, like after my mom died. Also the loss of "expected things" like thinking I saw a pet walk around the corner,after it's death. Things that my mind "filled in" , but then I realized was not true,must be part of the way we start to adjust to the reality of a loss. Actually, interesting stuff,if it didn't hurt....possibly the "why" though....Who knows?!
Sorry you are feeling this way. I know I can come up with some terrible "what ifs" if I allow my mind the opportunity! If keeping your mind busy doing something else still is not effective, then maybe a quick call to the jail to ask how he is,could close down THOSE thoughts;so you can put it to rest and know he is in jail and now someone else can "oversee" him. I find the more I feed my obsessive thoughts, the larger they can and do grow...in my own obsession. Very bad for me. I have to break the cycle and then it usually dies down. Not saying it is easy.
Sorry you are hurting.
Actually, maybe in some way I hope that if I'm obsessing like this over him,he will "feel it" and do the same about me. Usually, I find that he is off doing his "thing" not worrying about me one bit! and I feel angry and a fool. ha! Thanks for reminding me of that!!
Hope today you do something that can distract you from these feelings.
"alcoholic radar"......this has gotten me to thinking. Perhaps much of it is my own mind games and obsessions (all the mental traps I can fall into if I am not careful) that often makes me feel this way. Also; missing him and the familiar patterns,etc. I have (still do) experience some of these things. Thinking more about it, I have experienced it with other losses,too.....just not to this extreme (because I wasn't obsessed?). Little things, like after my mom died. Also the loss of "expected things" like thinking I saw a pet walk around the corner,after it's death. Things that my mind "filled in" , but then I realized was not true,must be part of the way we start to adjust to the reality of a loss. Actually, interesting stuff,if it didn't hurt....possibly the "why" though....Who knows?!
Sorry you are feeling this way. I know I can come up with some terrible "what ifs" if I allow my mind the opportunity! If keeping your mind busy doing something else still is not effective, then maybe a quick call to the jail to ask how he is,could close down THOSE thoughts;so you can put it to rest and know he is in jail and now someone else can "oversee" him. I find the more I feed my obsessive thoughts, the larger they can and do grow...in my own obsession. Very bad for me. I have to break the cycle and then it usually dies down. Not saying it is easy.
Sorry you are hurting.
Actually, maybe in some way I hope that if I'm obsessing like this over him,he will "feel it" and do the same about me. Usually, I find that he is off doing his "thing" not worrying about me one bit! and I feel angry and a fool. ha! Thanks for reminding me of that!!
Hope today you do something that can distract you from these feelings.
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Right on Splendra, that's part of my disease too.
Dobie,
In A.A we say "Alcohol is cunning,baffling and powerful."
On the flip side of the coin our codie minds are also "cunning,baffling and powerful"
I was thinking in your previous post about when you said you had the same thoughts about your Dad. Keep in mind your ex A isn't your Dad he is someone who treated you very badly.
Earthworm
Dobie,
In A.A we say "Alcohol is cunning,baffling and powerful."
On the flip side of the coin our codie minds are also "cunning,baffling and powerful"
I was thinking in your previous post about when you said you had the same thoughts about your Dad. Keep in mind your ex A isn't your Dad he is someone who treated you very badly.
Earthworm
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I think the thing that scared me was when I "felt" my dad's presence he had been murdered. It was a terrible thing and I worried that something had now happened to A because of that. A and I did have an unbelievable connection. That was part of what held me to him. Afterall, how could I have such an amazing connection with someone I wasn't meant to be with?! I'd NEVER had anything like that before.
BUT I've decided I am NOT going to call the jail. I am done with this man and want to be free. I don't care if he IS or ISN'T thinking about me either. I want this "connection" broken. He didn't care enough to think about me while he was "spending time" with his drinking buddies and barsluts.
As I was reading the responses this morning his ex wife called me. I'm truly starting to see him for who he really is, especially when I talk to her and can see the "pattern" of behavior from way back when they were together to how it applies to him and me now. While he doesn't treat me as badly as he did her (but reminding myself they were together 10 years! I've only been with him 2!) I can see the similarities in every part of his behavior with the exception of the physical violence. (I'm sure that would come too if I stuck around. He wasn't violent with her either until after they were married.) The stories she told me today about him cheating were the real eye openers. SO MANY SIMLIARITIES in his excuses to her then and to me now!! She told me she wishes she would've talked to me earlier in our relationship so she could've prevented some of what I have been through. I wouldn't have listened to her. Afterall SHE was the crazy one, not him. That talk with her this morning REMINDED me of who he REALLY is. He has not changed one bit since his marriage to her. I think the timing of her phone call to me was perfect. Made me snap back to reality!
THANK YOU to all of you who replied. It really is a weird phenomenon that we seem to have these connections to them. I wonder how and why that happens?? Its a physic engery that passes between us. The most powerful thing I've felt in awhile. The only other people I have that connection with are my sons!
BUT I've decided I am NOT going to call the jail. I am done with this man and want to be free. I don't care if he IS or ISN'T thinking about me either. I want this "connection" broken. He didn't care enough to think about me while he was "spending time" with his drinking buddies and barsluts.
As I was reading the responses this morning his ex wife called me. I'm truly starting to see him for who he really is, especially when I talk to her and can see the "pattern" of behavior from way back when they were together to how it applies to him and me now. While he doesn't treat me as badly as he did her (but reminding myself they were together 10 years! I've only been with him 2!) I can see the similarities in every part of his behavior with the exception of the physical violence. (I'm sure that would come too if I stuck around. He wasn't violent with her either until after they were married.) The stories she told me today about him cheating were the real eye openers. SO MANY SIMLIARITIES in his excuses to her then and to me now!! She told me she wishes she would've talked to me earlier in our relationship so she could've prevented some of what I have been through. I wouldn't have listened to her. Afterall SHE was the crazy one, not him. That talk with her this morning REMINDED me of who he REALLY is. He has not changed one bit since his marriage to her. I think the timing of her phone call to me was perfect. Made me snap back to reality!
THANK YOU to all of you who replied. It really is a weird phenomenon that we seem to have these connections to them. I wonder how and why that happens?? Its a physic engery that passes between us. The most powerful thing I've felt in awhile. The only other people I have that connection with are my sons!
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Once again....more has been revealed and in your HP's (always) perfect timing. (Thanks for that reminder.! 
)
Perhaps part of the "connection" is that as their behavior gets unpredictable,I started to focus more on it,think about it more,etc.....I was tuned into nuiances and habits (well, after 30 yrs the habit part was unavioidable until THEY started to change!). With our kids, I think it is very similar,especailly when they are younger and we are around them most of the time. I had an idea of what to expect; like guestimate about when one of the kids would be tired and cranky and need a nap; how one would be bothered by something that would probably not faze the other,etc. OK,to a point. Bad when gets obsessive!
You sound so much better. I am glad you got this call and the answers it provided you. Hope your day is a good one. (Sounds as if both you and his ex deserve better treatment than he is able to give either of you;at least as he is now.)
)Perhaps part of the "connection" is that as their behavior gets unpredictable,I started to focus more on it,think about it more,etc.....I was tuned into nuiances and habits (well, after 30 yrs the habit part was unavioidable until THEY started to change!). With our kids, I think it is very similar,especailly when they are younger and we are around them most of the time. I had an idea of what to expect; like guestimate about when one of the kids would be tired and cranky and need a nap; how one would be bothered by something that would probably not faze the other,etc. OK,to a point. Bad when gets obsessive!
You sound so much better. I am glad you got this call and the answers it provided you. Hope your day is a good one. (Sounds as if both you and his ex deserve better treatment than he is able to give either of you;at least as he is now.)
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I used to always laugh when his son would tell me how much like his ex wife I was. We had the same music interests, both love animals, both were creative and enjoyed craft projects...etc. N would always tell me "See? My mom isn't so bad when you get to know her!" A never wanted me to get to know her. He always told me that she was psycho, she did stuff specifically to hurt him (which she admits to doing but after getting a tiny taste of what she went through I can't say I blame her if she dealt with it for 10 years!) I still can't honestly say that I trust her but the stories she told me today were SO similar to what I was going through--almost word for word in the things he would tell her and tell me. I can't think she's making stuff like that up. I BELIEVE her. Her dad is an alcoholic so it took her a little longer to see the warning signs. She lived with what she already knew. I didn't grow up in an alcholic home. I came into this knowing nothing! Boy did I learn! (And not just the alcoholism but the disrespect and cheating too!)
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(((((dobiediva))))
I have 2 female dobies one red and and the other black I do love my girls!!!
I feel like his ex calling was something like hearing from your HP. Was her call out of the blue or was she returning your call?
I have 2 female dobies one red and and the other black I do love my girls!!!
I feel like his ex calling was something like hearing from your HP. Was her call out of the blue or was she returning your call?
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