CE Girl

I think I heard the ~click~

Ok, what I'm about to reveal I ain't exactly proud of, but the end result is a GOOD thing,,,And I'm writing, cause I noticed we got a lot of newbies who I hope can relate to what I'm about to say,,,

So, emailing with the A. The whole job drama, which i didn't give any "opinion" on, listening to him quack about how he's been sober a WHOLE month. The longest since I've known him,,,,

But it's a freakin LIE

i won't go into how I know. But its not from seeing or "talking" to him. Other than email, and frankly THAT"S getting to me too,,But I'll get to that

Anyway, I KNOW if I confront him how its gonna turn out. So, I'm fighting the urge right? But I'm sorry, the codieism takes over,,,I HATE that,,but it did. Instead of doing what I KNOW I should have done, gone to a meeting, come to SR, reached out to my support, I LET it get to me,,

I am a peace loving hippie, I try to not use the word HATE when its in relationship to people. I can HATE broccoli, (I know huh, being earthy crunchy and all,,,lol) but I do not hate people. But I dislike STRONGLY people who are not true to their cores and LIE.

And my A pushes that button the best.

So, go off. Tell him he's lying. Has been drinking that I know of this date, this date, this date, AND when he FELL out of the tree 2 weeks ago. He tells me he was "mistaken" with his last drink date. EXCUSE me?!?! Correct me if I'm wrong, but my "recovery" date is ingrained in my head. Ok, so I've had some "slips" but I can tell you I left his sorry arse March 17, 2007.

Yup, you guessed it. Before I knew it, it's all out codie/alkie war!!!!!We BOTH were going QUACKERS

When all of a sudden,,~click~

What the HELL am I doing?!?! Undoing all the HARD, HARD work i've been doing these past 14 weeks!! I don't want to start over again?!?! And I sure as hell DONE with this high school email!! When all of a sudden ~click~ again, I realize, it IS FREAKIN OVER,,,,

This time, I need to stick with it,,,I really am sick and tired of being sick and tired

Oh, and the kicker? In the middle of all this madness, he tells me he's been on Soberrecovery?!?!? I didn't let on I was here too, but I wonder if he knows,,I gotta take down my pic,,he knows the house

I do have a question though. I've read a lot about the ~click~ from others on the board, any of you experience MULTIPLE ~clicks~ before you "got it"?

Peace

chero

Girl, I hope you get to hear multiple clicks before you get it! In fact, the clicks are ringing in my head right now and gettin' louder all the time!!!

oh, and love your new pic!

Cynay

OK...... Im sooooooooooo bad. But Im not going there

SaTiT

I found SR..then you know, someone had to
following me everywhere.
I guess a woman always follows her man..I don't know.lol
i did mentioned ex-wife was jealouse..yes ??
mmm..you wouldn't imagine i get involve with someone
like that or had a radar out for someone like that would
you ?
mmm..that's wierd that esh stuff..
I wonder if any other couples went through the same stuff
i went through or what you're going through.

it can be pretty rough, but i just have to focus on
my own recovery. i hope you do the same.
Becuase it wouldn't matter if it was someone new
or her..i had the crazy radar love going.

well i got so damn tired of it..actaully
I changed my sign it name to my birth name..to cut
throught the BS..you know me..i'm the cut through
the red tape guy..lol Not too many people with my name.
If she don't like it...oh freanken well..I was nutz

CE Girl

Ya well, it works in the opposite too SaTIT

But whatever. Nothing I say on these boards, I haven't already said to my A

RIght now, I got a FAMILY of ducks in my house,,,LOL

Been listening to QUACKING all week,,,Sort of,,

But its not coming from my A's beak, it's coming from the "codie" species,,,

SO, I'm doing a little Core searching,,

Asking myself why I'm risking relapse

Pressure and stress. EVERYTHING is changing. i find myself trying to hold on to something thats not

Even if it is harmful and bad for me

See, my A's not changing. So, I'm being drawn to it. Except I find he actually IS changing, but not moving forward. It's kinda short circuiting my intention with trying to hold on to it.

He's EVEN more whacked than he was 3 months ago. It's kinda shockng me out of that relapse

I don't want to go back. I WILL NOT go back, and that family of ducks needs to move back to the marsh where they belong. Their crapping all over my rug,,,

Oh brother,,,I'm going to a meeting,,,

Peace