aztchr

When people share, how come there isn't any feedback given? No one adds anything or comments, except for "Thank you, (name)."

It's just different for me and I feel like I want to respond or ask a question.
Is that best left for one on one sharing after a meeting?

denny57

It's called no cross-talk. I've come to really appreciate it (weird at first) because meetings don't get caught up in debates. I listen to others' shares and see if I can apply it to my own life. Yes, it's the before and after time that's best for seeking suggestions. Grab a phone list!

sugarpup

i have wondered that too, i've only been to 5 meetings (and I love them, and know i have to go to more) but there are a lot of times when i want to respond to what someone is saying by simply agreeing or saying how i've been through the same thing, or asking a question like we do here on the forum... but no one seems to talk openly till the end... why? good question astchr

Spiritual Seeker

Without cross-talk we can really listen because we are not formulating a response. We can share without having to defend what we are expressing. It works well. If you hear a share that you relate to or think is wise, etc. reach out to that person after the mtg. to get to know them better.

aztchr

Now that I've experienced it, I understand cross-talk. Thanks!
It is quite refreshing to just share and not feel like you have to defend anything or come up with a quick response.

GlassPrisoner

Yeah, cross talk. The meeting wold descend into chaos otherwise.

There's a reason newcomers are told (well, at least in the old days) to sit down, shut up and listen. I don't know about codies, but alkies can't really say active listening is one of their bigger skills.

embraced2000

so that is cross talk??? i've never understood what it was. denny tried to explain it to me one time, but i still didn't get it.

at our meetings, we pick a subject, look it up in our odats or other books, and take turns reading the passages that relate to the subject. after each passage is read, someone can comment on how or what that passage means to them. or maybe not comment....depends.

is that cross talk?

sorry if i hi-jacked azzie....

Lizrox

Yeppers, no cross talk.

Liz

thinkmink

no that's not cross talk. All meeting involve some sort of personal perspective of al-anon ideas.

parentrecovers

you can call folks from the phone sheet to have more personal, one on one conversations. blessings, k

HKAngel24

Just the way Al-Anon works.
I think those who are not use to accepting feedback from others can feel free to say what they wish without anyone commenting.

Personally through my own struggles I have been through many group therapy sessions so I am use to and actually welcome immediate feedback.

denny57

I think the difference is, Al-Anon isn't group therapy. I learn to listen and, most importantly, to think for myself and make decisions that are right for me. After years of being told what to think, or what I was thinking was wrong, that is refreshing. Especially since I've come to realize the decisions I make based on my own thought processes, not processed through the alcoholic filter, have been the best I've ever made.

2ala2

It is so in order for you to learn to listen, and to listen when you desperately want to talk, discipline, my friends. You may share after the person has finished and cleverly respond in an indirect way. This is the art of sharing. It gets better the more meeings you attend and the more you listen to others.

kojac

i hope in this sharing of Experence, Strength and Hope the still suffering addict can fine this new way of living through application of spiritual principals; group consciouness and a God of ones owe understanding; and the rooms (fellowships)are the means in which such an environment of recovery exist. this is not edged in stone but may this gem add a little clarity:first-when someone shares something pressing upon them at this present moment ( a burning desire,difficulty or success )then there's no need for feedback unless this person verbally(ask) voice there desire for someone to give their experience, how did they get through this faze in their recovery.....simply put they are open for suggestion(s).secondly-crosstalking can best be understood in the manner of; someone is having a full-flegged conversation while a person is sharing. not only is this being rude yet it just might distrast someone from hearing something that just might save their life. Seloth@. tfs

cmc

Listening and keeping all sharing in the "I" mode also eliminates all judgements made on anything I may have to share. It means that I must respect and value your dignity as a person and not try to tell you what I think, or what I think you should do.
It's a program of attraction not promotion. If I want what you have I might want to try what worked for you...or I might want to do my own version of it. I can also smile and quietly disagree with what someone shares and have no conflict with it. "Take what you want and leave the rest."
There is so much freedom this way and is why I love Alanon.
This makes it a safe place for me to open up. Alot of my meetings have been very good about being consistent in that area.
for example:
If I hear you say you are angry, it's safe for me to respond and share any or all of these:
1.about my anger
2.what I do about it
3.how it is now

This is what is also called ESH:experience, strength and hope