13th stepping...

Old 06-21-2007, 12:08 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by hbb View Post
Sydney, there is also a past i'm dealing with my bf, when i met him he was a year broken up with a fiance after 8 years together, he was beyond rock bottom and as a total friend i talked to him and we started dating, part of the problem i believe is that he has never gotten over her and that's why i cant help but think there is something still there deep down inside. Part of me feels like i masked the rebound factor ...
i think that might be true, to an extent. 8 years with someone is a very long time, and considering he was asking you to elope after 2 months together is a HUGE red flag. i think a year single after a long-term relationship like that is nothing. as much as it hurts, he needed to find someone to turn to next, and in you, he probably saw a nice, sweet person that would put up with his garbage, and you did. give him his space and let him come back to you if he wants to... it's all you can do. anything else is just torturing yourself and you will get absolutely nothing out of it.
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Old 06-21-2007, 12:54 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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hbb-apologizing is part of his step work. It's really not healthy for either one of you for you to keep questioning his motives. Just take care of you and let him take care of himself. Let go and let God, if you are meant to be together God will see to it that happens..but it will be on God's time schedule and no one else's. ((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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Old 06-21-2007, 01:10 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I told him i would never be the one to stand in the way of his recovery and who he appologizes to. But pushing me away and back pedelling from seeing me 5 minutes on my bday is a little extreme. What harm would it be to see or talk to me on the phone. I'm not looking to dive into things but a little communication or seeing each other wouldn't hurt either. I truly think he is going to drift away till it's too uncomfortable to talk or see each other and if that's the case i deserve more from him and HE'S A COWARD FOR THAT. I am getting mad and resentful, which i didn't want to do.
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Old 06-21-2007, 01:20 PM
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sorry you are feeling so down. Serenity prayer usually helps me when things get "complicated". Sometimes I just say it over and over. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
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Old 06-21-2007, 02:18 PM
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Is it still 13th Stepping when AA members try to pick up Al-anon members? I have lost count the amount of times that happened. Except the one that got away..... I hope he is still sober. He is in my "dreams".
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Old 06-21-2007, 02:29 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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There's a 13th stepper at 3 of my meetings. It's the same guy, actually. He's a perpetual "newcomer", never taking even a 30 day chip. I think that's his angle, 'ya know , "Hi, I'm new too !!!! Gee, this is tough huh ?". I was in a fog the first 60 days or so, but lately it's funny watching him zoom right in on the pretty newcomers.
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Old 06-21-2007, 03:57 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Most people just assosiate it with the boys meet girls stuff.

But i my experince..i'm guy..and some of those guys tried
to burned me. one of them had a couple years.
One of them did burn me..He seem like he was okay.
I sold him my truck and he gave $500 but we agree
that he would make payments..well he had a family
and kids..i figure hey everybody needs a break..
wrong..wrong..he nevered paid me and gose around
talking behind my back....
The sob relapsed...i think he just did he court time
and left the program.

well..i trust people about as far as i can throw them.

that why i just hang with the oldtimers or elders.
They're in there retirements and don't really want
anything from me. other than to just passed on what
they've learned out of life and recovery.

i can't really get too hung up on the boys meet girls
stuff..i know it happens. it happens everywhere.
At work, at school, in bars, shoping malls, church and recovery in no exceptions.
So i can't really say there's something wrong with recovery.
And i can't say it's exclusive to men doing the stepping
or making the first approch.
And i can't say if you go to a women's meeting
you might not get hit up on by another woman...
becuase my gf tells me..she's been hit up on by women.

Every women I've ever gotten involved with
asked me out. mmm..??

it just comes down to the indiviual.
well.. if i wasn't faithful to my gf or vic versa...there's women
and men everywhere.
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:40 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Human nature...

Nuff said about this subject fer me!

IO
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:49 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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13 steppers,,,,,now theres an interesting breed,,,

I guess its better than a bar

Peace
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Old 06-21-2007, 07:00 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I've seen it happen. I've witnessed both the drama and the fallout thereof. Although, I've never been a party to it myself. As many meetings as I've been to (easily 300+), I've never been asked out. Hehehehe, maybe I should start going back to meetings.
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