Hemmingway's D

The other day, my AB said he needed more space. Fine, I thought. We agreed that he would start by spending Thursday nights at his own place and then I would come over Fridays for the night. After that we could re-evaluate. Baby steps. I know it was the right thing to do because I was doing too much for him. Right now, I do his laundry, do most of the cooking and keep him company because he doesn't have a lot of friends yet who aren't alcoholics, heavy drinkers or drug users. (Yet he blames me for him not doing the things he wants. Well, excuse me if I don't want to play golf.)

I hated the thought that he wanted to distance himself from me, but if he doesn't the relationship is only going to deteriorate. He kept saying that he needed a life (read a job). I get that. A man needs a job. Well, bang! Yesterday, he got a couple of job offers and they're amazing. When he got back to my place last night, he couldn't wait to tell me. Here's the problem; I'm happy for him, but I'm also jealous.

I'm jealous because I don't like my job. I'm jealous because he's a about to step into a glamourous job that I could only dream of having. And I'm resentful because I feel like I've been taking care of him and I don't feel like my efforts are recognized or appreciated.

And then it gets confusing because I don't know what I want.

prodigal

You didn't specifically mention what type of job he got that makes it so glamourous. Just remember that job = work (which is a four-letter word). I'm not saying there aren't people who have great jobs and love their work, but from what I've seen over the years, most people hit rough spots dealing with annoying coworkers, clients, etc. No job is that glamourous - even being a Hollywood star. It is possible he may be building it up to be more than it is. Or you may just be feeling everyone has a better job right now because you don't like your job.

Hey, I've had great jobs and I've had some real stinkers. When I had a few rotten jobs, I did something about it - polished up my resume, went to Internet job-search sites, read newspaper want ads, and visited employment agencies. I got additional training several times. Maybe you should start looking for another job.

I admire your honesty. Yeah, I know how it is to get bummed out that you're doing a lot of things for someone and not getting so much as a "thank you." However, just as you might want or need to acquire some new/different skills to find a more satisfying job, you also need to acquire the skill to say "no" when it comes to doing things for him - things he is capable of doing for himself.

parentrecovers

i've been in a happy marriage for 14 plus years. one thing i have learned - my husband is not responsible for my happiness. and i am not responsible for his.

take care of YOU.

blessings, k

Hemmingway's D

Thanks. I appreciate your post. Right now, I'm staying in the job, because there's some possibility that it will lead to better work in the Fall. Or at least I'm hoping. I am doing what I can to get a better job. I'm working on a new college certificate and I'm two courses away from finishing it, but I don't think I'll ever work in that area because I've discovered I don't like the work that much.

loveRoy

If he is still using, the glamous job may not last very long. Hang in there with your job and finish school Remember, put yourself first. I am glad you found this board. It is a safe place. Keep reading and keep posting.