Going Through Something New Here

Old 06-20-2007, 02:20 AM
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Going Through Something New Here

Lately, I've had several feelings I've never had's where all of a sudden, I find myself really angry and resentful of anyone that is an addict or alcoholic. Why it's happening now, I'm not sure. I live with an a and he is working on staying clean. (Has been for three months so far.) We were together a couple years before that. I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I've been to Alanon, worked the steps, etc. But, now it just seems like everytime I hear the words, "Oh, well, I'm an alcoholic (or addict)," the first thing that pops into my mind is, "Oh, you've always thrown your responsibilities on other people, huh?" (I'm just being honest here about what is going through my head)--then I think about how I would never have had time to be an A even if I wanted to--I have a child, responsibilities, etc., etc. Some a's have responsibilities, but they push them off on other people. Yes, I'm one of those people those responsibilities have gotten pushed off on in the past. So why am I angry now, out of the blue? I also notice, since I've been standing up for myself and just saying no that the A seems to feel the right to become angry at me for something that he is the reason he's in that position to begin with. It makes me angry that they don't get mad at themselves, but angry at you for not driving them everywhere (like when they don't have a driver license.)

Another problem I have is I set boundaries, my A doesn't believe those are permanent even when I say they are permanent.....just like a child, he'll keep asking and asking....ugh!

I hope this posts makes sense. It's just something that keeps coming back to me that I haven't been able to shake. Has anyone else ever had this same type of experience? Anyone have any ideas? Thank you.
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Old 06-20-2007, 04:04 AM
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I think this bothers you now because your brain can afford to spend some time thinking about that part of it. When an alcoholic is actively drinking there is no time or energy left to invest in abstract thoughts about it.
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:43 AM
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i went through this stage, too. i just wished they could all be gathered up, put in some sort of compound on an island and just torment the hell outta each other and leave all the rest of the world alone and in peace. i would often fantasize about the ridiculous goings-ons in a place like that. how confused they could make each other.

the further i got into my focusing on myself, the more this stage faded into the background. but i must admit, there are still times................
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:46 AM
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Residual effects of this family disease.

Post traumatic stress disorder.....when I encounter "the enemy" for lack of a better word, I too can become angry. A few of my dearest friends are recoverinf addicts/alkies,,,,but I tell ya, when the wind is ripe, I can really resent them. Its like an old sports injury flaring will pass....
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:49 AM
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I get your anger. I catch myself aiming anger and resentment at people who don't deserve it - pretty much anyone I see drinking.

For example, I went to a road race and saw someone I work with waiting to register. I said hello and we started discussing reasons why we wouldn't run as fast as we should. Mine was because I hadn't run regularly in months. His reason...he went out drinking the night before. Suddenly, I hated him. I turned my back to him and didn't carry on the conversation.

This is just some guy I happen to work with - and I hate him? I hardly know the guy - and I'm taking it personally, the way a codie does. No, I don't hate HIM. I just haven't forgiven myself for things that weren't my fault. I haven't forgiven my XABF. I haven't forgiven my parents for not teaching me skills that some "lucky" folks learn growing up...things like self-esteem, self-validation, self-worth, and boundry setting. And I hate and resent it all, then aim it at everyone and everthing that reminds me of it until I work it completely through. Watch out!

Just recognizing that and having patience with myself makes it easier on me and quells the anger and resentment a bit.
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Old 06-20-2007, 05:55 AM
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Yes, I too am angry. In fact, I am mad as HELL!! For me, it is like a spider's web. One thing that makes me the maddest is the death of "our" dreams. In the end, I was the one with the dreams and he was the one with the booze. Welcome to the board. This is a safe place where you can be completely honest. Keep reading and keep posting.
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:00 AM
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Embraced, I had to chuckle when I read your post. So many times I have said that "they" all need to be on an island. Heck, most days I wish "we" could be on an island. Great minds think alike!
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:07 AM
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Embrace I chuckled too! I have been there too Kanga it is a normal feeling!
And LoveRoy....go check out my post Desert Island...I like the idea of us being there to regroup-we can stick them on another Island with nothing! (Just for a short offense to our A's here at SR!)

(((Hugs))) Kanga
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:27 AM
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Kanga I noticed you said you had worked the steps, in AA no matter how many years you are sober or how many times one has gone through the steps, you are not working your program unless you are always working the steps. Maybe working through the steps again with your sponsor might give you a better outlook on things.
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:48 AM
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I, too, can relate to the anger coming back. For me, it takes a daily (sometimes hourly) contact with my HP to keep my focus on me and what is right for me.

As I continue to grow in recovery, the anger is not as bad, but the automatic distrust of anyone with a "drink" in their hand is something that I have not been able to lessen. I know many people that are able to drink on what people call a normal level, have a glass of wine with a meal, a beer at a party, and never have any of the symptoms of the disease. But the moment I see that drink in a persons' hand, it is a trigger for me for distrust - Even though they may not deserve that distrust in any way, shape or form.

Another area me & my HP will keep working on.

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Old 06-20-2007, 09:51 AM
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Hey Kanga. My first few years in recovery from alcohol and drugs, I was so angry at this affliction. Not only in what it had allowed me to do to myself, but what others had and were doing to themselves.

It took time to work through that anger with my sponsors (both my AA and Alanon). I did lots of writing, much of it making no sense, even to me later when I reread it, lol, but it helped.

I don't know why alcoholism and addiction hit some people and not others. I don't know why some of us are more 'attracted' or 'drawn to' the alkie and/or addict.

What I do know is that those of us who get into recovery, both the alkie-addicts and the 'anons', and work a program of recovery, not only do we get better, our lives get better, and.........................................we get the joy of being able to help another by sharing our ES&H. Who knows, maybe that is why we were put here on earth to begin with, so that in our own 'small way' we make this world just a teeny bit better to live in.

All of the above is just to let you know that you will get through the 'anger' and 'resentments', it is part of the growth and grieving we go through in recovery.

Keep posting, let us know how YOU are doing, we do care!!!!!

Love and hugs,
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