i'm scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: florida
Posts: 40
i'm scared
after reading the "not being surprised" thread i have to agree with everything you have all said... and it always amazes me that whenever i pop on to read what is going on here at soberrecovery, it always, without fail, hits home with what I am feeling and going through each and every day.... which helps validate my feelings of craziness, or non-craziness, I AM NOT CRAZY! he is....
but it's getting ugly, and he is getting more mean, nasty, coniving, manipulating, blaming and threatening... which i can handle, sort of, but now he is bringing the kids into it, which i CANNOT handle, which they CANNOT handle! he is using them as spies to find out "what i'm up to" and then he told me tonight to "watch my back" and "be careful"... i've done nothing wrong of course, except kick him out last august and now file for divorce (in april)...
he says with his evil grinch smile that he will have weekends with the kids because "he's their father"...not because he loves them or wants to get to know them because he's been drunk their entire lives!, nope, just to use them as a threat to me... he is living in an "unfinished house on an air-mattress with a beach chair and a string of Christmas lights" but when the divorce is final he says "he won't have to pay a dime because you can't get blood from a stone" so he plans on buying a three bedroom house so the kids will have their own rooms and come stay with him....
that's crazy! but is it true? does he just automatically get visitation because he is their father without any consideration to the fact that he has been drunk for the past 12 years and claims to be sober now but without any program... he is a time-bomb waiting to go off... he says the meanest most manipulative things and then says "i'm not trying to fight with you".... insanity...
so, like you all were saying, no contact for 90 days, sounds great to me!!! i would love no cantact for 90 years!!! but how do i accomplish that with 2 young children? what do you all do? how did your custody concerns work out? how do you protect your children from any more insanity, they are only 8 and 3 and I regret everyday that I allowed them to grow up with a drunken dad, are they doomed to this fate forever just because "he is their father"?
i'm scared.... i need to breathe
but it's getting ugly, and he is getting more mean, nasty, coniving, manipulating, blaming and threatening... which i can handle, sort of, but now he is bringing the kids into it, which i CANNOT handle, which they CANNOT handle! he is using them as spies to find out "what i'm up to" and then he told me tonight to "watch my back" and "be careful"... i've done nothing wrong of course, except kick him out last august and now file for divorce (in april)...
he says with his evil grinch smile that he will have weekends with the kids because "he's their father"...not because he loves them or wants to get to know them because he's been drunk their entire lives!, nope, just to use them as a threat to me... he is living in an "unfinished house on an air-mattress with a beach chair and a string of Christmas lights" but when the divorce is final he says "he won't have to pay a dime because you can't get blood from a stone" so he plans on buying a three bedroom house so the kids will have their own rooms and come stay with him....
that's crazy! but is it true? does he just automatically get visitation because he is their father without any consideration to the fact that he has been drunk for the past 12 years and claims to be sober now but without any program... he is a time-bomb waiting to go off... he says the meanest most manipulative things and then says "i'm not trying to fight with you".... insanity...
so, like you all were saying, no contact for 90 days, sounds great to me!!! i would love no cantact for 90 years!!! but how do i accomplish that with 2 young children? what do you all do? how did your custody concerns work out? how do you protect your children from any more insanity, they are only 8 and 3 and I regret everyday that I allowed them to grow up with a drunken dad, are they doomed to this fate forever just because "he is their father"?
i'm scared.... i need to breathe
In my forest.
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 31
Sorry Sugarpup, I have no great advice for you as I have no children of my own involved in this whole mess our A's help us make. Just wanted to let you know someone is here and I understand how awful this must be. There is nothing more sacred to a mother than her children. Hope others have some good advice for you.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Discuss with your attorney, based on his last 12 years, that SUPERVISED VISITATION be requested of the court, and that the 'visitation' take place in a 'child proofed' environment.
This is for your attorney to handle. As to his QUACKING, well you know that is just his way of manipulation and vindictiveness. Save all emails and print them out and give to your attorney. When possible, do not answer the phone, forcing him to leave messages, which can also be turned over to your attorney.
You are right, protect your children. Know that if his lips are moving he's still lying.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.
Love and hugs,
This is for your attorney to handle. As to his QUACKING, well you know that is just his way of manipulation and vindictiveness. Save all emails and print them out and give to your attorney. When possible, do not answer the phone, forcing him to leave messages, which can also be turned over to your attorney.
You are right, protect your children. Know that if his lips are moving he's still lying.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
That sounds alot like a threat to me. Instiling fear probably seems effective for him. Since he thinks fear is such a good motivator, I'd introduce him to a restraining order and a Judge. Incorportating his own children into his paranoid existance is simply unacceptable. Without detail, I'd act on that and keep it just that simple. You think this is a mess but there is a light and an example in this. Your kids will see what mom does with this. I'd stop talking to him or discusssing anything with him. You have everything you need to have him removed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hurricane Alley, Fl
Posts: 119
Sugarpup, my ex quacked up a legal storm about visitation rights, etc. and made all the usual and customary threats of my being a badmom, etc....Divorce was finalized, and suddenly, he was not Dad of the Year. In fact, he kinda disappeared.
So there's a chance that even if yours does get visitation — and laurie's spot on about supervised visitation — he won't show. Especially if it's supervised-then he's not in control.
When the smoke clears, my money is on your ex still living on an air mattress under xmas lights somewhere, maybe by a lake with the other ducks, quacking away to each other into the night...not in a 3-bedroom!
((hugs))) nitelite
So there's a chance that even if yours does get visitation — and laurie's spot on about supervised visitation — he won't show. Especially if it's supervised-then he's not in control.
When the smoke clears, my money is on your ex still living on an air mattress under xmas lights somewhere, maybe by a lake with the other ducks, quacking away to each other into the night...not in a 3-bedroom!
((hugs))) nitelite
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Sugarpup (((HUGS)))) I have never gone through this type of situation but I do however agree with "Speaking to an attorney" and Laurie hit it on the nose as always!
Much support to you!
Much support to you!
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