Sometimes, Silence isn't Golden
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Sometimes, Silence isn't Golden
It's been 11 days since I learned of Richard's passing, and there's still been no official determination on the cause of his death, nor an estimated date of death. I don't know anything more today about the circumstances surrounding his death than I did 11 days ago. I don't even know which day he died. Or how he died. Or why he died. All I know is that his body is still lying in the morgue, waiting to be released so he can get a proper burial and a memorial service can be held for him. How can you begin the healing process when you can't even say good bye to the man you love?
I'm trying my best to adjust to life without Richard, but it's so very hard. The hardest thing so far has been the quiet late in the evenings. That's when Richard used to ring my cell phone, not every night but several nights a week. I used to keep it on my night stand in case he'd call me just before I drifted off to sleep. Now it just sits there in dead silence, and seldom ever rings.
It's hard to come to grips with the fact that I'll never hear his voice again or see his cell phone number reflected in the window of my phone. For many years, I dreamed of silence and peace and quiet. Growing up in a family of nine, silence is something I rarely experienced, so I cherished my alone time and uninterrupted quiet evenings. Now I find myself just wishing that the phone would ring.
Sometimes, silence isn't golden.
I'm trying my best to adjust to life without Richard, but it's so very hard. The hardest thing so far has been the quiet late in the evenings. That's when Richard used to ring my cell phone, not every night but several nights a week. I used to keep it on my night stand in case he'd call me just before I drifted off to sleep. Now it just sits there in dead silence, and seldom ever rings.
It's hard to come to grips with the fact that I'll never hear his voice again or see his cell phone number reflected in the window of my phone. For many years, I dreamed of silence and peace and quiet. Growing up in a family of nine, silence is something I rarely experienced, so I cherished my alone time and uninterrupted quiet evenings. Now I find myself just wishing that the phone would ring.
Sometimes, silence isn't golden.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
FD, I'm thinking this might be some sort of bureaucratic glitch. I would assume a coroner's report would have been completed within several days. I know you want some answers; I am just at a loss as to why this is taking so long.
You loved him and you will always love him. This is the grieving process. I wish there was something I could do. All I can tell you is we're here for you. I keep you and Richard in my prayers. I know you're hurting. ((((FD))))
You loved him and you will always love him. This is the grieving process. I wish there was something I could do. All I can tell you is we're here for you. I keep you and Richard in my prayers. I know you're hurting. ((((FD))))
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((FD)))
Please know that you can have a memorial service without the body, if you so choose. That alone can begin the healing.
I am so sorry for your pain....
My thoughts and prayers remain with you...
Shalom!
Please know that you can have a memorial service without the body, if you so choose. That alone can begin the healing.
I am so sorry for your pain....
My thoughts and prayers remain with you...
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
how sad (((((fd))))). the thing i keep thinking is that richard is not really in that morgue, nor was he really alone in his apt. when he passed. he was instantly with our lord and was released from all earthly holds. that's my belief, anyway.
peaceful, healing prayers going up for you fd.
peaceful, healing prayers going up for you fd.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
Jill-
Grief hurts. Bad. Real bad. It comes and goes, like a wave. The best we can do is brave it when it comes, feel it, process is, and remember , it will pass. It wont always be this bad, or intense. Thats a promise.
I too am feeling grieving pains lately. When they came, it hurt all over again, but I thought that it had been a long time since I last felt this way. That was a good sign. That meant I had been feeling peace at some point.
On fathers day, my son and I drove thru a cemeterey. We saw all the people visiting thier loved ones....I said this is where people go to visit the dead, but where do people go for alcoholics, who are dead, but still alive? We have lived with so much grief for so long, we dont think it will ever end. But it will. It will get easier. Trust the process, the change hurts, the silence hurts, but soon, the silence wont scream so loud, it will gt softer and you will feel peace. All in time, my dearest....
Grief hurts. Bad. Real bad. It comes and goes, like a wave. The best we can do is brave it when it comes, feel it, process is, and remember , it will pass. It wont always be this bad, or intense. Thats a promise.
I too am feeling grieving pains lately. When they came, it hurt all over again, but I thought that it had been a long time since I last felt this way. That was a good sign. That meant I had been feeling peace at some point.
On fathers day, my son and I drove thru a cemeterey. We saw all the people visiting thier loved ones....I said this is where people go to visit the dead, but where do people go for alcoholics, who are dead, but still alive? We have lived with so much grief for so long, we dont think it will ever end. But it will. It will get easier. Trust the process, the change hurts, the silence hurts, but soon, the silence wont scream so loud, it will gt softer and you will feel peace. All in time, my dearest....
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
((((((FD))))))
Hon there are no real words I can say that will help at this instant, just know his pain is gone, he is free of the bounds of alcohol at last. The pain will slowly slip away into a warm memory of Richard.
Martin
Hon there are no real words I can say that will help at this instant, just know his pain is gone, he is free of the bounds of alcohol at last. The pain will slowly slip away into a warm memory of Richard.
Martin
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Thoughts & prayers of comfort for you during this painful time.
Those words seem so shallow to relay the compassion I feel for you. There are so many of my loved ones that I have accepted the reality that this disease may be fatal for them and I too may grieve the loss of them. When our friends here share about losing a loved one, "thoughts & prayers" just don't seem to convey how much I really feel for the loved one left behind to mourn the loss.
So know that the words may seem redundant, but the sympathy and heartfelt compassion is truly felt for you.
((Former Doormat))
Rita
Those words seem so shallow to relay the compassion I feel for you. There are so many of my loved ones that I have accepted the reality that this disease may be fatal for them and I too may grieve the loss of them. When our friends here share about losing a loved one, "thoughts & prayers" just don't seem to convey how much I really feel for the loved one left behind to mourn the loss.
So know that the words may seem redundant, but the sympathy and heartfelt compassion is truly felt for you.
((Former Doormat))
Rita
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