he says it is a sick test never to be passed
 

We actually talked a bit today. I was very close to no contact last night but we all know how that goes. He has multiple years sober. But life still kicks him here and there and he backs off. And says he needs speace we need to work on ourselves. I agree. Yet somehow it is a like test to see if i will do something he doesn't like or can complain about. He actually said to me today that "we are on our best behavior" but he wants to make sure it will all stay that way. he said Iknow it is like some sick test I put people through and make it impossible to pass. I guess two years ago he would not admitt that. He cannot work on the healthy portion if he does not recognize. I ask for any prayers from my angels on this site. For my patience with him and in Gods plan. I have started to see athereapist so I hope that will help keep my focus on me. Heres a question: I have tried to explain to people who say : Why? I wouldnt put up with it. I would have walked away. I have tried to explain Alanon and how it helps and makes me feel not so alone. They look at me like I am crazy and weak for staying. Does anyone feel that way. Where is it that it says you cannot love those who make mistakes and and try. They have not lived in or fell in love with them. So I guess I should stop explaining. Actually I have. They will never get it. My goodness as reread this post had 100 topics lol. Anyway asking fro prayers and any advice. Im glad and blessed to have this forum. I told a friend of mine. I do not now any of these people but for a year and a half have become my angels and have heped me through so much. Glad they will not have to go through all this but sad they do not understand that bond. God Bless
\Free

It is ever so easy for others to tell you what to do. You never know what you will do until you are in a certain situation. For me, I have learned that the best thing is not to talk to "them" about it. Another thing, I think some people love to hear about other people's problems so they can think that their problems aren't so bad. After all, we all have problems. Hope this makes sense.

I would be concerned that he admitts putting you into some "sick test" .... that does not sound like a healthy place for either of you to be.

However I have been and stayed in a relationship that was not healthy as well because of my love for him and also because I could see him trying to get better... working on himself and his recovery and I held hope that with time it could work out. However I did not see any manuplation on his part... confussion yes but not once did I feel manuplated by anything .... let alone his telling me there was a "sick test"

For me I tried to weight how I felt... was I happier/healthier when I was with him, or did he bring me chaos and hurt? Was what I was doing healthy? Did I see actions that showed me that he was trying? It finally came down to no, it was hurting me too much, so I put boundries into place and finally stuck to them. Im happy to say that we are working on the relationship and within my boundries and today I see the action being taken .....

That is my experience but that is not to say it is not hard work..... and no, they will not understand. Matters of the heart rarely make sense... but it has gotten easier the more I love myself and stop accepting the unacceptable.

I don't pretend to know what's right for you. And I can't really speak to your situation. I left my A's arse ;)

However, I can tell ya, if people try to stick their nose in my business, they are SORELY disapointed. I'll cut the tip of it off,,,,lol

How do you think they would feel if you passed judgment on them?

Oh, so you don't think I should n't stay with my husband? Ya, well, the color GREEN you painted that kitchen, looks like something my youngest used to throw up after peas!!!!:)

They soon forget what their opinion was,,,,he,he,he

A tad "out there" I admit, but for me, if I let judgement affect how I take care of ME then its not healthy. Their no better than my A when he's drunk and spewing nonsense about delerious wrongs I supposedly committed. Ever try and argue with them when their drunk?

Useless,,

Same as listening/arguing with opinionated people

Nuff said,,,

Peace

We here on the forums suffer from some sort of dysfunction or another

or we would not be here at all...

No one shares another's exact problems...no one has ever truly

walked in another's shoes..not down the same path.

Especially when it comes to matters of the heart..

No one can discuss it or argue it or explain it away..or reason

why it still exists..or not.

We can see read roadmaps that if followed perfectly should take us

to the "proper" and healthy destination.

But..we are not autos with GPS systems..we're people..

folks who love other folks and the best we can do is to share

our own experience, strength and hope with others who are

just beginning the trip.

And give love to one another...

Love you all..

IO

Good point CE...

Love the green pea wall paint..

Opinions..sometimes they hurt more than help.

IO

As long as I kept the FOCUS on me, life became better. In Al-Anon we say, your opinion of me is none of my business. I embrace that.

((()))