CE Girl

Sista,,,I know how important your HP IS to you,,

Get to it,,,,

Your the prioirty and your hp has something to tell/show you. Stop twisting. Goodness, knows, we ALL know that feeling. It gets to the point for me, where I am PHYSICALLY wringing my hands and pacing going, "what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, oh lord, what the hell am I gonna do". So busy am I balling myself all up in it, I forget to stand still and LISTEN!!!!

The sound of the spirits is music to my ears. Gradually and naturally, with patience from ME, they speak through the sea,,,

It's the most calming thing in my life

Go sit in your "church" sista,,,,,stand still and LISTEN, soon you'll know the way,,,

Peace AND love

TexasGirl

Chero, the first time I moved out was the last time I moved out, although I had "attempted" and "pretended" to pack a few things on several occasions. I did not trust myself to try talking to him. I knew that if I talked to him long enough, he would get those hooks in me that he was so capable of doing. I did not trust myself to see him. It was hard, but it was imperative that I gave myself distance from him and that I created the opportunity to begin getting "better" myself. This is a vulnerable time. Placing yourself in the line of his fire is dangerous.

After I got some distance and had some time to adjust, I was able to start speaking to him on a very limited basis about ending the marriage. I needed that breathing room during the time that I was most susceptible to his manipulation.

duet_4-8

I second everything texasgirl said.

SaTiT

Chero..

Ding..ding...it's how you where raised..you're afriad to
make mistakes. You feel like there's no room to make mistake.

i wish it wasn't 2 years, but it was.
I read a the codi books
I wasn't actaully able to let go..but while through
all of that process..i knew it had to be in my thinking.
what the heck got me thinking like that to begin with.
my childhood...I had to go got back an take a took..
it's actaully just doing the 4th step.

well..okay, people ask all the time..how do I know
if i actaully turn my life over to the care of god..
Do the 4th step...lol
I just started writing....it didn't matter anymore.
I needed to get to the bottom of it..god or no god
i was tired of it..tire of do the samethings over and
over again..it could have gone on for 20 more years..

I just had a lot of un resolves anger with my dad..
He's an alcoholic..plus all those years of living like
that..I develope habits. While my gf dosn't act totally
like my father when she's sober....She acts just like him
when she's drunk..

it was as if I went to go make corrections in my thinking
pattern from the begining..so my thinking is different today.

but i was able to do that..when she wasn't around
and didn't make any contacts. that's when i actually
did it..not just read about it...makesense...

You don't have to wait 2 years. Get a sponsor
and star working the steps. work with a therapist
get a professional...
i don't know..take a chioce.

i had to do the 12steps,,becuase I hit bottom
and I didn't have moola and al-anon is free.lol

I understand why..if it takes you that long
or longer. it's that level of threahold of pain..I've been saying.
it works like that too..once I crossed that threashold..
The sickness or madness didn't work anymore..
it was like the house built of cards just fell and no
matter what crazy or madness tried to put itsef
back together.. it didn't fit anymore. or the sickness mechine
just broke

becuase looking back at my childhood was painful
that's how I was able to cross that threashold.
it's like recocerying from PTSD...
well bacailly that's what it is.

All of the reserched I did paid off..becuase even tho
it was rough..I wasn't really, really crazy.
I knew i was sick and accepted it.
I started to observe myself get well..
Just like what the books or information said.

but when i got well..it didn't matter if my gf and I
got back together anyways...all of that sickness
guilt, shame or whatever the heck it was..was gone.
I was going to move forward with or without her.

it an experince or a process i had to go through.
I couldn't bypass this process..
becuase if I did..even if I got invlove with someone
else and didn't get well. Changes are..I'll pick the same
type of person.

history saids so..
mmm..my ex-wife and gf are semilar in a lot of ways..lol