Kinda OT - Conquering loneliness and connecting with others
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
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Kinda OT - Conquering loneliness and connecting with others
I read an article just yesterday about how many people feel loneliness, but that the way to conquer it was to find something that draws together humanity....to find something that connects you to another human being. It said that too many people look to find someone, something, anything to fill that void of loneliness within them, when actually the way to fill it is to be a part of something bigger, be it spiritual or otherwise. Ultimately, we are individualists. No one will ever know what it's like to truly be me. No one will ever completely understand the things I worry and think about.
Tonight I understand what that article meant. Tonight my Spurs won the NBA Finals. Driving back to my apartment in San Antonio after the game, everyone was honking their horns at all the intersections. People were screaming out their windows. It was neat....in a city of over 1 million people, we all were on the same page. I haven't felt that kind of togetherness since I was in school at Texas A&M, an institution renowned for its sense of oneness and tradition.
I guess it just reinforced what I had read earlier. Too many of us seek answers in another person. I looked to my XAH to try to make me feel better. I just wanted him to love me. That's it. I just wanted to be loved. One aspect of conquering that issue may very well be forming a relationship with something bigger than you. It was really awesome to hear all those people from all those different walks of life celebrating together. We are all real. We are all people. We are all proud.
I think we can find that oneness in a church setting, or perhaps when we volunteer, or maybe when we join an organization. Finding that thing that connects us to other people is vital. It fills the hole in our souls....one that we are likely trying to fill with the love of another.
Maybe I'm off course here. I just had a neat night.
Tonight I understand what that article meant. Tonight my Spurs won the NBA Finals. Driving back to my apartment in San Antonio after the game, everyone was honking their horns at all the intersections. People were screaming out their windows. It was neat....in a city of over 1 million people, we all were on the same page. I haven't felt that kind of togetherness since I was in school at Texas A&M, an institution renowned for its sense of oneness and tradition.
I guess it just reinforced what I had read earlier. Too many of us seek answers in another person. I looked to my XAH to try to make me feel better. I just wanted him to love me. That's it. I just wanted to be loved. One aspect of conquering that issue may very well be forming a relationship with something bigger than you. It was really awesome to hear all those people from all those different walks of life celebrating together. We are all real. We are all people. We are all proud.
I think we can find that oneness in a church setting, or perhaps when we volunteer, or maybe when we join an organization. Finding that thing that connects us to other people is vital. It fills the hole in our souls....one that we are likely trying to fill with the love of another.
Maybe I'm off course here. I just had a neat night.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
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Congrats, TG! Glad you had a great night!!
I appreciate your post! I just wrote about feeling like I want to belong somewhere in addition to SR. I need to make more connections with like minded people when I don't want to be so individual all of the time.
I appreciate your post! I just wrote about feeling like I want to belong somewhere in addition to SR. I need to make more connections with like minded people when I don't want to be so individual all of the time.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Great post, TG. I find when I'm involved in some sort of organization's activities I feel more fulfilled. I found out that chasing after THE man was a dead-end street. Nobody could fill that void in me. Only I could do that, if I chose to do so. I was very active in my former church back in Maryland, the local SPCA, and Al-anon. I certainly felt better about myself when I was giving my time and effort to those groups.
InThisForMe - You are certainly right about 9/11. Every house in my neighborhood was flying the flag. Unfortunately, I had nightmares about it for a long time. I happened to be standing out on the 11th floor balcony taking a smoke break that morning and just happened to see a fireball and heard the explosion of the plane that crashed into the Pentagon. Something that defies explanation to see a city full of people running down the streets in a panic ...
InThisForMe - You are certainly right about 9/11. Every house in my neighborhood was flying the flag. Unfortunately, I had nightmares about it for a long time. I happened to be standing out on the 11th floor balcony taking a smoke break that morning and just happened to see a fireball and heard the explosion of the plane that crashed into the Pentagon. Something that defies explanation to see a city full of people running down the streets in a panic ...
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
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Great post, TG, and I don't think it is OT at all. I firmly believe that the reason that recovery groups work for many people is exactly this concept of connection. Indeed, I have a feeling that the reason that many people need recovery groups in the first place is a lack of connection to others, or a distortion in how they think they "should" be connected to other people.
I think one of the reasons I came back to SR was because I was missing it in my "real" life. It hasn't quite worked for me as it did in the past and I know that I need to find another way to meet that very human (and healthy) need. I understand what you are saying about sports bringing people together - I just love it when there is a major football (soccer) tournament on and England are involved. In fact, I was in the US last year when the World Cup was on and I even felt it thousands of miles away through texts and emails with my bro and friends, or watching a game in an English bar with Minx, or educating Jazz & co in his living room in Va.
In the past, I have tried to fill the hole inside me with one particular person, but I also still try and fill it solely on my own. But I am not a solitary person - I need interaction with others at times otherwise I disappear up my own backside. I know now that the solution is a combination of all of those things - it is the lack of balance that causes me problems.
I think one of the reasons I came back to SR was because I was missing it in my "real" life. It hasn't quite worked for me as it did in the past and I know that I need to find another way to meet that very human (and healthy) need. I understand what you are saying about sports bringing people together - I just love it when there is a major football (soccer) tournament on and England are involved. In fact, I was in the US last year when the World Cup was on and I even felt it thousands of miles away through texts and emails with my bro and friends, or watching a game in an English bar with Minx, or educating Jazz & co in his living room in Va.
In the past, I have tried to fill the hole inside me with one particular person, but I also still try and fill it solely on my own. But I am not a solitary person - I need interaction with others at times otherwise I disappear up my own backside. I know now that the solution is a combination of all of those things - it is the lack of balance that causes me problems.
Last edited by minnie; 06-15-2007 at 03:19 AM.
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how fortunate texasgirl, that you have experienced this at a younger age......i had to be over a half of a century old before it started to sink in.
i have found ways of contributing to the big picture that fulfill me....instead of looking for that special mate. and come to think of it.....i never chose one of the men in my life (except my xah)...i let them all choose me.
that is going to be very different now.
and i don't think this is ot at all.....it's a part of growth to have these ah-ha moments. i love them when i have them, and i love to share when others have them.
i have found ways of contributing to the big picture that fulfill me....instead of looking for that special mate. and come to think of it.....i never chose one of the men in my life (except my xah)...i let them all choose me.
that is going to be very different now.
and i don't think this is ot at all.....it's a part of growth to have these ah-ha moments. i love them when i have them, and i love to share when others have them.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Great post, TG! It's such a fantastic feeling when I look around and realize we're all in this together. For me, volunteering (which started in my Girl Scout days) has always brought this. I also enjoy the times like you describe, connecting with people I'll probably never see or meet again, but for the moment we share a common joy.
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