ARealLady

Hello, everyone....this is my first post on this forum. I am the friend/girlfriend of an A but living several time zones away from him (fortunately!). When we last saw each other a few months ago in my town he was drunk the whole ten days he was with me. After he left, I wrote him and told him that unless he got help for himself (had already done rehab twice), then I could not continue in the relationship with him. At my request I asked him to stop telephoning me and restrict communication to emails. To my surprise, two months later he emailed me to tell me he had just got out of rehab again. We began telephoning each other again and it was lovely to hear my friend SOBER and RATIONAL and brimming with plans for his life.....

Fast forward....Sunday morning quite early he telephoned me to say he was going out riding. I got on with my day and at three different points tried to phone him but his phone kept going to voice mail. There were no emails from him. I started wondering (not worrying!) and emailed him before I went to bed wondering how his day had been. No email or phone call on Monday....nothing on Tuesday. This morning an email saying that he had been unable to hold down food or water since Sunday and that was his explanation for no contact but that he was going back to work feeling very weak. Uh oh! Has he been drinking again? I can't even bring myself to reply to the email because I want to ask that question. For the same reason, I can't phone him because I don't want to "hear" him drunk if he has been drinking.

Is his avoidance of me because he knows that I have figured this out? I think that if he had been genuinely sick he would have felt better enough at some point to phone me and tell me. When he was last drinking heavily, he was vomiting a lot and could not keep food down.

Thanks for any help you can give me about recognizing the relapses.

ARL

CE Girl

Hey ARealLady,,welcome to SR

I gotta tell ya, your post sounds like me,,,

I always questioned it too, but truth be told, my "karma" always let me know when he started drinking again. I just was in denial and didn't listen to it

Yup, and for me, the signs were, not ansering his phone (he KNEW i could tell when he was drunk just by his voice), he would not respond to email (got to the point I could tell when he was typing "different"). And I can understand why you don't want to respond, caue if you ask, chances are he's gonna lie, and then your all twisted wondering why your karma is sending you the MIXED signals?!?!?!

Talk about craziness?!?!?!

I used to think it made it better if he would just "admit" it. And I guess it did, cause I would accept it and start the whole, "you need to get well" spiel again,,,

VISCIOUS CIRCLE

I'm thinking its a relapse sweetie,,

Hang in,,others will be along

Peace

cmc

Welcome to SR. You will find many here who understand your situation. While you wait for replies to your thread, I hope you will take a look at the stickys on the top of the forum page because they contain valuable information that should be of help to you.