Prayers Please

Old 06-13-2007, 04:26 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Prayers Please

Hi gang ~ I need lots of prayers this next week or so, and would appreciate it if you could add me to your list!
Soon to be exAH and I are signing divorce papers this afternoon. I'm real worried about that, because he refuses to read them and my lawyer is going to have to confront him about it. (I've tried and am afraid to push him because he's been very nice, and I'm afraid to wake the dragon. He's got me trained, huh?) I know it sounds bizarre, ~why wouldn't he read the papers?~but, welcome to the wonderful world of addiction.
The house goes on the market the 22nd. The kids and I have been busting a@# moving stuff and getting our rooms ready at my parents, while AH has time to go golfing. (OK, a bitter moment! Working on it!) I was going to clean the whole place out (think 17 years of accumulated "stuff"), then said to myself "Wait a minute! What's he doing?!" Since he has to pay the mortgage til I sell, and since he's mad it's cutting into his spending money, and since 75% of the "stuff" is his,it's in his best interest to get the house ready ASAP. So I told him he needs to get a dumpster and clean the place out, AND clean up the outside, pressure wash and freshen the paint.
He says he's going to, but is going to hire guys to help him because it's too much for him to do alone. This is where I'll refrain from screaming about how he's complaining that the court ordered child support is too much money, yet he can hire guys to help clean out the house.....
Anyway, I'm sick to death with worry he'll start getting mad because this is all too much responsibility and I'm a f@#$%^ bi*ch and if he's using, it's not pretty...
So please pray I get through this last hurdle with as little drama as possible! I'm starting to feel like I'm at my limit of dealing with him calmly, and tired of being phsically and emotionally sick after one of his tirades.
Thanks for listening!!!!

Last edited by Cynay; 06-13-2007 at 08:51 AM.
guineapigjude is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 04:31 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
full of hope
 
chero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
((((((((guineapigjude)))))))))

After all you've been through I can see why you would be "bitter", "unsympathetic", and even a little bit "trained".
Now imagine an ending to all of that--being free from all of that!!

Today is bringing you one step closer to that freedom!

Hugs and prayers today!!
chero is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 05:13 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
mallowcup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I wouldn't count on him to do anything. It is very unlikely that he'll do anything to help sell the house. I'd make arrangements to have the work done by a paid crew and then keep the bills for reembursment, if you can afford it. He probably won't read the papers because it is too real.
Signing the divorce papers will mean so much more if you cut the strings of expectation that he will do anything. He isn't going to paint of clean up the house. He also isn't going to hire anyone. If he can't muster up enough to read a piece of paper, doing anything to help sell the house would just be a metaphor to the same thing.
mallowcup is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 06:45 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
MsGolightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
thinking of you, guinea!

like mallow said, i've learned to have very few if any expectations with someone who is actively drinking.
MsGolightly is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 07:06 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Nitelite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hurricane Alley, Fl
Posts: 119
"I'm sick to death with worry he'll start getting mad because this is all too much responsibility.."

This brings back memories. I didn't want to wake the dragons, either. Tip-toeing emotionally, I expected less, and accepted less, and bent over backwards to accomodate ---
But when you are in the maelstrom of a divorce, I think it's natural to want to minimize problems, because problems are everywhere.
I do love your idea of telling him its his responsibility to clear the house. Damned skippy it is! Let him use the golf club as a broom...LOL!!
Nitelite is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 07:25 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
mallowcup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I actually found it was very emancipating to do thing smyself. It is amazing how much you can get done in a day. I really resented asking and then asking again and then hearing the reasons it never got done. I'm sort of glad he is letting you down right now. It will make the divorce sting so much easier. If he was smart, he'd be painting and raking, doing all the things to make you regret losing him. I'd think of this divorce as sort of a tumor removal. Who needs a lump?
mallowcup is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 07:39 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
I did talk to him this morning, and he is in a "let's be friends and hang out" state of mind, even asking me to go visit him on the job he's at to get money from him "in case I need it". Hmmm. It can wait til the afternoon! He has also made plans with a friend to start cleaning out this weekend. Luckily the friend isn't aware of the extent of AH's drinking/drugging, so AH tries to put up the front of Great Guy with him, as in being relatively responsible. (His friend knows me very well, and would know AH was being a jerk if he didn't do his part to clean the house.)His denial is working for me at this point.
What I find interesting is how quickly AH has ingratiated himself with a new group of "good" friends who don't have a clue as to his true behavior. He has dropped all friends that knew "us" and the reality of the situation. What I find sad for AH is that he is now back to pretending in order to get people to help (enable) him. The logical me wants to point out that he'll soon get sick of putting on the facade for these folks, just like he was sick of it with his family. But poor AH sees it as "moving on", as in making a positive change. Of course he's just moving on to a new set of people to use until they demand too much.
Mallow, I do have a plan B in case he doesn't come through, which is still a definite possibility. After 17 years of doing it all myself and being called names if I got mad when he didn't follow through, I'm a pro at this dance!!!!
guineapigjude is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 07:54 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
CE Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Hey jude,,,,(he, he , he,,no singing the beatles now,,,)

I find it enspiring how you've been able to put your recovery to work here. Your staying "neutral" with your codieism and not letting your A's actions/manipulation of others/and past history affect you putting your head down and plowing forward,,,,

Kudo's to you!!!!

I've never been divorced. I got off easy, my husband died,,,lol. didn't have to deal with property, visitation, child support or any of the rest. Being solely responsible for the day to day meant I got pretty used to it, so now, leaving my A it's been easier cause I expect NOTHING from him. If you followed my story the past few days, its ALWAYS been about him wanting things from me.

I do understand trying to keep the peace however. It's stressful enough without you getting all "twisted" in the fundemenatals. if you get something out of him, maybe its more than you expected. I guess that better than making yourself sick,,,

Peace
CE Girl is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 08:53 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Cynay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Giving up prayers for you guineapigjude..... Hang touch and keep repeating "This will pass"
Cynay is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 03:11 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Well, it got pretty ugly today. I held my tongue while he went on and on at the lawyers about poor him. I tried to tell him not to ask me/ tell me about his personal business. But then he brought up my parents and wanting to visit them. I told him he was no longer welcome at their house as I had told them about his drug use. He went balistic! Thank God he doesn't know that I've told the kids, I truly think he'd hurt me, based on the rage I saw. I've asked the kids not to speak with him about it ~ I hate to put them in this position, but feel there is no choice. Wish I'd kept my mouth shut, but my parents are elderly and don't want him in their house, and we will be moving there soon. Here I go again, my stomach in a knot over HIS secrets. Please pray he gets the divorce papers signed and doesn't cause trouble now......
guineapigjude is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 03:33 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
let it grow!
 
parentrecovers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
do you have to talk to him? doesn't sound like it works out too good for you when you do. i never talked to mine - i let the lawyers do all the talking!

blessings, and BE SAFE! k
parentrecovers is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 04:01 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
From this point on, no more contact.......
guineapigjude is offline  
Old 06-13-2007, 06:18 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
CE Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by guineapigjude View Post
From this point on, no more contact.......

I'm thinking you made the right choice there

When I read about your tummy "twisting" I wanted to reach through the screen and HUG you. So familiar with that feeling. I actually FELT it with you. We don't DESERVE that sweetie. No matter WHAT they try to have us beleive. And its so hard for others to understand, you tend to keep it inside and twist even more.

Your doing really good,,,

Stay strong

Peace
CE Girl is offline  
Old 06-14-2007, 11:44 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Wooo - Hooo! He signed and returned the papers today! My lawyer will file them and get a court date. Is that a light I see at the end of the tunnel??!!
guineapigjude is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:42 AM.